I am a 17 year old guy. My mom and non biological father have been divorced before I was born. When they got divorced my mom travelled and got together with another guy (my real father) and got pregnant with me. She got back to her country where my half brother was (age 21,non bio fathers son). She didnt want him to stay with his real dad (not a good dad) so she wanted to take him to live with her. His dad didnt let him leave and they came to an agreement, which states that my mom and my nonbio dad should still live together to share my brothers custody although they are divorced. So they agreed. By that time my mom had me. My mom didnt say anything about whos it was; nor did my nonbio dad. The thing is he accepted me as his son because I was normal(cause my brother has some genetic problems). Now after 15 years I met my real dad and i want to go live with him(he didnt know he had a son). PROBLEM, my nonbio dad wouldnt let me leave cuz he wouldnt approve that. Any GOOD advice please?
2006-07-29 06:25:23 · 10 answers · asked by Duffy_swe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had a similar situation, and ended up regretting the fact that I stayed with my non-bio dad. Now I have great relationship with my real father. Just do it! It's YOUR decision, not your mom's husband!
2006-07-29 06:31:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jeremiah 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I had to read over your question a few times, and this is still a complicated situation to follow. You haven't mentioned why your nonbio dad is "not a good dad." If it is just that you don't get along well with him, please try to be grateful that took you as his son (hopefully not just because you are "normal"). He is your dad, too--just not biologically.
If he is not a good dad because there is some sort of physical or verbal abuse involved, then you should talk to your mom and try to find a way to get out of the situation, even if your mom and brother stay.
Your biological dad might welcome you into his home, but please understand that that won't be an easy situation for either of you. You'll have to respect his authority as a father (it's his house anyway) and hopefully he will realize that you have grown up with parents who have their own standards and expectations (which might differ from his).
You are almost 18 years old. I don't know what country you are writing from, but at age 18 you are considered an adult, which means you will soon be free to live on your own or with your biological dad. Is your home life tolerable enough that you can wait a little longer? I know a year seems like a long time when you are young, but believe me it can fly by.
No matter what happens, please try to keep a good relationship with your mom, brother, and both your dads. I know it is not easy--they are human and sometimes family members who act "normal" around strangers can do and say crazy things to those whom they are closest to and love the most. You can't choose your circumstances, but you can choose how your respond to the hand that life deals you. Good luck and God bless.
2006-07-29 06:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by alcachofita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time to build a good relationship with your Bio-Dad before you decide to go and live with him. Does Bio-Dad want you to come and live with him? If your Non-Bio-Dad has raised you and taken care of you all these years, it is natural that he would not want to see you go - thats a very tough position for him to be in. He still loves you and wants to protect you and make sure you don't get hurt. I don't think it is because he doesn't want you to have a relationship with your Bio-Dad. Just tread slowly and carefully, and as you build your relationship with your Bio-Dad, keep your ties strong with your Non-Bio-Dad. Winning sperm does not a father make - it is the person who does the daily stuff with you and it sounds like your NBD has worked hard for 17 years to take care of you. As you are building a relationship with your BD, see if your NBD will let you spend little bits of time with him here and there - maybe a trip or two. Both fathers should want what's best for you, and you need to move slowly and carefully to find out what is. You will be 18 in a year or less, and then you will be old enough to make your own decisions. Until then, work to keep all relationships strong.
Congrats to your mom btw for making the sacrifices she did for you and your brother. She sounds amazing.
2006-07-29 06:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jewelz_4_U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a complicated situation. But I think the solution is obvious. Firstly don't rush it, do you really know something about your biological father? Take it easy, talk to your non-biological father and make him understand that you really want this. If he really loves you he'll understand, but you said that your half-brother has a biological defect (you should have a good relationship with him) the fact that your father accepts you more like a son than him may mean that he is selfish because he doesn't accept his own flesh and blood because of something he is not to blame for. Good luck and I wish you the best.
2006-07-29 10:27:00 · answer #4 · answered by Faust 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a situation.....You are 17 years old. How long before you are 18? When you are 18 you can do whatever you want.
Could you get legally emancipated from your local courts and go live with your real father?
Why does your non bio-father have a say where you live? shouldn't your mother have some say in this?
AT the very least...you will be 18 soon I hope and you can go for it.
I wish you very god luck with this situation.
2006-07-29 06:33:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a really tough situation.the best advice that i can give to you would be firstly sit down with your non bio dad and tell him that you will always be his son no matter what happens but you want to get to know your bio dad.Secondly i think you should rush things withs with your bio dad as ye have a lot of years to catch up on.what you must understand is that your non bio dad will probably be feeling rejected by the fact that you want to live with your non bio dad.don't make any hast decisions.best of luck with your problem
2006-07-29 06:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by starrygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen you are 17 years old and in no time no one can tell you what you can or can not do. I think that it is wrong that you non real dad won't let you go and get to know you real dad, maybe he is jealous or he thinks he will lose you try to talk to him and let him know how important it is to you plus it is not his decision ask you mom he is not even married to your mom anymore, this is messed up I am really sad for you because every kid wants to know were they come from and especially have their real dad in their life, good luck
2006-07-29 06:31:21 · answer #7 · answered by ttbird117 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you allowed to talk to your dad?
Wait one more year when you reach your 18th B-day no one can stop you from being with him then. Just get a job so you can have some money and not having to rely on your step dad or mom financially.
2006-07-29 06:31:12 · answer #8 · answered by Your Princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your real father is the person that takes responsibility for you and the person that raised you not the one that seeded you. It is extremely disloyal to ask to move and your real father is absolutely right in not approving. If the person that seeded you was a real MAN he wouldn't allow it either.
2006-07-29 06:31:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
combat on your suitable to be responsive to them. Your sperm donor is a hypocrite and his spouse is insecure and awful. They the two ought to be embarrassed approximately themselves. Your sister ought to be the lady next to you at artwork and you will by no ability be responsive to or perchance that lovable boy you observed the day gone by could have been your brother.the babies are adults now and that they are in a position to make their own minds up. a techniques with the aid of fact the father is going i in my view does no longer want something to do with him he acts as though he does not want something to do with you. he's lacking out. He feels as though your existence could break his existence and he needs to shop face and placed in this leaver to beaver faux photograph feels like somebody is somewhat insecure to me. i do no longer care in case you exchange into accompanied or no longer your his flesh and blood and he's ineffective incorrect you do no longer try this. I say forget approximately approximately having a relationship with him i could attempt to locate my siblings and something of his relatives and set up a relationship with them . Why could you desire a guy like that for the period of your existence? i could enable him have it and talk my strategies .i could bypass so a techniques as to tell him i'm going to by no ability supply up and could pursue this as long as I stay. IF want be i could make his existence a residing H***. combat combat combat
2016-10-08 11:24:00 · answer #10 · answered by elidia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋