can any body tell me some where funny jokes?

Question

i want to laugh ple hlp me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Answer 1

Go here: http://www.slickschoppers.com/Readers_Stories/Crazed_Squirrel.htm

then read this:
Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

hope it made you laugh.

Answer 2

Special Ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only Rs 5,00,000," the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by cheque.

"I know you need to make sure the cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very peed-off jeweller phoned the old man, "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Answer 3

there was a priest that go to remove the sins. All the people in that village were going to him to forive their sin which is adultery. he was fed up of hearing on adultery. so he told all the peopl in that village to tell him that they fell in a hole behing the church instead of doing adultery. Now the preist was about to change, so the priest told the coucil to tell the new priest what we fell in the hole behind the church means. But he forgot. so ppl started going to tell the new priest that they fell in the hole behind the church.

The preist asked the first one, did you get hurt, when you fall, he tol dhim obviously no, I had fun. then the 2nd the 3rd. and the rpiest decided to go to talk to the council to do a better road!

But when he told the council, they could not stop laughing. The priest asked him why are you laughing? Do you know that your wife already fall 10 times in it???



2.

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says,
"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

''You ba$tard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"



3.

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label.

Henry Buses had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it.
She looked up the number for the record shop and called them.

Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body."

She said, "Do you have 'Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?"

Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!"

A slight pause.

The lady said, "Is that a record?"

"I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."



Thats all for 1 question!!

Answer 4

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

Answer 5

Go to www.santabanta.com

OR

Read this one:-
Ray- I read so much about the ill-effects of smoking that I gave it up.
Sumo- Good. I'm glad you gave up smoking.
Ray- Don't be silly, I gave up reading.

OR

This one:-
Teacher- Tell me, what is meant by 'cyclone'.
Student- The lone given to buy a cycle.

Pleeeeeeeeeessssssssssseeeeeeeeee LAUGH.

My request is bigger than yours.

Answer 6

It is a little long so bear with me......

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. " I don't know what to do here", says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell; "No!" George said; "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day", commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his haed and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said: "Monica, you're free to go."

My uncle e-mailed it to me this morning. Feel free to pass it on. Hope you enjoy it!!!!

Answer 7

ok