How can I get my son to listen and obey me without getting his dad?

Question

I have a hard time with my 5 years old son. He simply refused to listen to me. I keep call his name or requested him something (like it is breakfast time or get his shoe on or bath time or bed time etc). I am soo frustrated and I am about to pull my hair out! He loves to push my buttons!!!

Answer 1

You are the adult, put your foot down! If he refuses to listen, punish him. Don't let him get away with doing as he pleases at this age because if you do, he'll be worse when he gets older.

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my 3 yr. old. We have to do a new discipline method every week!!! I don't know what it is about her, but she gets used to it and we have to do something different. The most effective thing that I like is to get a rug and put it in a very visible spot. When ever he is being difficult he has to sit there one min for every year old he is (so he is 5, he must sit there for 5 min). If he gets up the time starts over. If he sits there and screams the time starts over (it took a few times for my daughter to get the concept, but he is older he should learn quicker). I have also found that spending more time with my daughter has helped. Doing what she wants to do for about an hour in the day (maybe not all at once) has really helped! And if all else fails (or it is something that must be corrected right then i.e. hurting someone, hitting pushing, tackling her baby sister, running away when we are in a parking lot or by the street) she does get popped on the bottom.

Answer 3

I am a retired teacher and had lots of experience with children. I think you lost control already and you should remedy that fast.First of all, if he gets his dad every time or most of the time you discipline him then I think you should sit down with daddy and tell him how you feel.I think your husband should share in the discipline but not have full control...you should also be respected as a mother and wife.After that is achieved, the next time he throws a tantrum or refuses to obey you go down to his level and stoop in front of him with eye to eye contact. Be firm with him but also let him know that he is to do as you say.I really think he's playing games with you by seeing you get so upset so keep calm and cool and talk to him.You can even tell him he hurts mom when he is being a bad boy that sometimes helps.If this doesn't work, I think it's time to put him facing a corner and leave him there til he's ready to obey. Don't give in to his whims and take control.good luck and believe me I know what you're going through.Make sure you talk to daddy first and maybe daddy can have a good talk with him also....Bro. Isidore

Answer 4

Hi,
be calm but strict. I don't mean that you should spank him, that's not a good solution. What i suggest is that you should be consistent. Call him for breakfast. If he wont come, he wont get his breakfast! Ignore his crying, shouting, etc. Because you are the BOSS. I guarantee that he will come next time! Tell him what kind of punishment he may expect for not listening to you. Than, if he continues misbehaving, punish him immediately and stick to your "sentence". He will probably try to push your buttons, but don't give up! Stay as calm as possible, if his moaning lasts too long, simply ignore him until he calms down. Than hug him and tell him you love him.
Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 5

If you have a closet with an electrical outlet,put him in there with a lamp for 10 min if he doesnt heed to you rwarnings.Do NOT make idle threats.
Or-
#1. Get a big box(s)
#2. Explain to him that if he doesnt do righ,2 toys/games go in the box
#3..He can get 1 at a time back when he obeys.Dont bring dad into this.

Or,make a special chart.If this "obedience chart" says hes been good all week,he gets 1$.

Answer 6

try to make doing that stuff fun for him my sister was 5 only a few years ago and boy did she get on my nerves!! but maybe if make that stuff fun for him he will listen better because he will know that its not all fun and games all the time but that you can still have fun even while doing something as annoying or boring as putting on your shoes. if that doesn't work discipline him maybe if he doesn't listen show him who's boss by taking a way a favorite toy for a few days or until he listens that way he'll know that your serious and won't even think of pushing your buttons!

hope this helps,
Sara
[e-mail]

Answer 7

YOU are allowing him to "push your buttons" DO NOT ALLOW THAT. Don't get upset when he doesn't do what you ask. If you call him, and he doesn't come, go to him, don't make a scene. Just take him by the hand and talk to him in a normal voice. When he does look at you, or come to you when you call, PRAISE him. "thank you for coming when I call you, I really like it when you do that" "You are such a big boy now, you listen to me" Give it a week of this. Find him doing good things and PRAISE HIM for doing good. Ignore, as much as possible, the negative.

Answer 8

Change your tone not your volume. Make sure he knows you mean business, and then set a consequence if he doesnt listen. Be reasonable, always follow through. For example-"Little Johnny" Mommy needs you to come take your bath.If you are not in here in 2 minutes I will take 2 minutes off your..Fill in the blank Puzzle time, park time, video game time. Persistence and repetition!!!!! When he doesnt listen follow through and remind him that you are taking two minutes off because he didnt listen and look at the whatever you restricted from him and say wow that sure looks like fun next time I would listen so I could be out there. Your goal is not to berate or aggravate your child it is to mold and teach your child. We must listen in life, there are consequences. It doesnt matter who it is mom, dad, teacher, gramma, You have to listen and obey. I'm a single mom I dont understand mothers who threaten "I am going to get your dad" Or .."tell your dad" Or "do you want me to go get daddy?" I think in my head Do they realize that they are giving their authority to dad, They are reinforcing not listening to Mommy because Daddy shows the real consequences! I disagree strongly Step up Mommy. You can do it. Good luck

Answer 9

You are doing way too much talking and no action (getting his Father is not action..the action needs to come from you), and now he doesn't respect your authority. Tell him, "I'm going to count to 3, and if you don't go get your shoe (or get in the bath, etc), you are going to go to time out. It's your choice." Then when you get to 3 and he hasn't moved, you go get him and put him in the designated "time out" spot. If he gets out of the spot, you physically put him back there. You keep him there for a few minutes and then talk to him about what he did wrong (do NOT apologize for any of your disciplinary actions), reinforce with "I love you", and then let him out. If your words are not backed up with action, he will continue to push your buttons and it will only get worse the older he gets. I suggest you nip this in the bud right now.

Answer 10

if you hit him, you've automatically lost. you've conceded your only authority comes from force.

Give him notice - in five minutes, i'm going to need you to _____. kids minds need time to adjust to change, even minute change. don't argue with him if he complains. just go back to what you are doing.

also, ask his ideas about how and when, whenever you can.

remember, hitting makes behavior happen again, if it gives the child attention they don't normally get. give lots of attention for desired behaviors, to the extent possible, ignore undesirable behaviors. the undesired stuff goes away if not re=inforced with attetnion.

respect him. think about how you feel when someone comes in and barks orders at you. how would you like to be treated?

here's what worked for me. I asked for what I want or need. I wait. Then I'll say - remember, I need ____. sometimes my kids said no. This is normal testing. I wouldn't argue with them, I wouldn't get mad. I would just repeat my request.

occasionally, three or four times a year, I might have to say - i really need you to listen to me. if you can't do this now, i will not allow _____ some privilege.

you can't do this a lot because your goal is not to bribe or cudgel him into listening to you. your goal is that he show you respect, that he learn how to help run a household, and that he learn to regulate himself and behave in a disciplined way.

your goal is to get good behavior from within him.
Check out 'how to talk to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." i found it soooo helpful and practical and easy to read.

Answer 11

I'll tell you a little story.
My mom used to smack the daylights out of me when i used to make mistakes.Thanks to her i am what i am today.
My sister spoils her children and they do whatever they please but when i go to there home they stand still and do not make a noise.As they are getting older they have the same respect for me as i have for my mom and they love me more than there mother.
But the important thing is if you wanna be strict be loving at the same time,show your love when they are good and teach them lessons when they are bad and they'll love you for the rest of your life and will become decent adults.
In our(my) culture if an old person hits us when we make a mistake we usually take it as a compliment.It means somebody still cares.I am 27 and if an old uncle of mine hits me with his/hers walking stick,i don't talk back still.
Today everybody has a short-temper,so what if your parents go medivel on your a** sometime.