What do you do with the mother from HELL?

Question

I have had my Mum for nearly 50 yrs now, I lost my Dad 4 yrs ago morrow 30th july....Mother always been a tyrant but is getting worse and at 76 (not frail by any stretch of the imagination) is drivin me crazy HELP please....And don't say talk to her, tried that one got big SLAP

Answer 1

Divorce her

Answer 2

Denise,

I have been here, not for as long as you but know and understand what you are going though. My father was the same, may be worse, but tried to rule and control everyone around him, playing us all like a pack of cards, and I the joker. I was the one who looked after him in his latter years, the one who took the abuse.

As time progressed it got worse and although he was at the end of his life I could not love him as a father anymore, the man I loved left long ago leaving a monster. So I know. He often blackmailed me, saying I would be left out the will reported me to the family, yet still I cared for him 24/7 without sleep, rest or appreciation. Feeding, wiping the sh*t off the carpet, the p*ss off his bed, every night a nightmare, my only reward, mental torment and abuse. So I know how it can be.

The truth was, he needed me, because without me his life would either have ended or he would have gone into a home.

My solution was to pack my bag, put it on display and say, Any more abuse, or violence, or swearing, lies or stories, then that bag and I was going out of the door never, ever to return. Furthermore, he would then go in a home, and would be subject to their rules.

Tough talk! but it did the trick. Eventually he passed away, he had stolen from me any fond memories I had of him and replaced them with those above.

Answer 3

If she has her mind completely then this is a tuff question and I apologize for not having the answer for you. If however she is slipping a bit that could be causing her to be more of a tyrant. My grandmother was like that. She was starting to lose her memory before we even realized it but, she knew and she didn't quite know how to react and would become angry. If this is the case with you then although difficult for some it is time for you to take the parent role. Good luck to you and God bless you and your mum.

Answer 4

i have seen some gussy 76 yr old....it's like the older they get the meaner they get.

i really wish i knew what to say to you to help...but, i don't really have an answer...other than stay away from her. maybe go visit her 1 time a week and make the visit short.

if you live in the same house as her...than maybe one of you should move..there are some wonderful retirement homes for ppl her age...maybe you might want to look into one, for her.

my grandmother is in her 70's and she runs around like shes 25 so i understand what you mean by.......over look the age...lol

and if anyone tried to stick that women in a retirement home she would beat the snot out of them.....so if ur situation is the same as ours.....just move away....u don't need to put up with that.

Answer 5

I hate to say this but you may have to distance yourself from her. Just because she is your mum doesn't give her the right to give you that kind of abuse. Talk to her on the phone about how she makes you feel, tell her this is her lasy chance to treat you like a human being or you will have to sever ties with her. ( She can't slap you on the phone.) And then do it if she continues being a tyrant.

Answer 6

Have you considered slapping her back - you'd have to be very gentle about it or half the do-gooders that our wonderful government appoint would slap you - into jail. The point is, if a dog bites you, bite him back (really, they don't know what to do, on the ears is best). If a bully hits you, hit her back - your mother is a bully. Violence is the last resort of the incompetent.
commiserations, hope you don't have a bad day tomorrow.

Answer 7

It does seem that whatever used to bug you earlier about your mom gets worse with their aging...that's life. Just know this...that when she's gone, you still will grieve and you will miss her. Suck in YOUR ego, and treat her as a child---Life is ALL about her, now. She won't even recognize the psychology you use, and she won't care if you're bugged by her selfishness so suck your breath and--tell her she looks pretty, tell her she's wonderful, tell her you love her and admire her (doesn't matter if you're lying...just clear up the uncomfortableness you have with her. Be cheerful ALL the time when you're with her and smile A LOT.

Answer 8

try getting her into a day centre or bingo at least you will have repite..not a lot you can do as you have had 50 years to try all sorts of stuff and apparently none have worked but if you can get her to go to these places you will have time to relax and not worry about her..she may not look frail but after losing your dad she probably feels scared and lonely even though she wouldnt admit it in a thousand years..i am afraid you will have to grit your teeth and bear it..but try and get out and about so giving yourself a little respite.......

Answer 9

At 76, there is no telling how long she will be still among the living. Just live your own life, if she needs help, help her out. Basically, just go on about your life, if she gets too bad, you can always move.

Answer 10

I agree with Sheila---if you have siblings you need to get together with them. If you are an only child weigh out your options. Is she financially capable of having a sitter? If not, you may consider a nursing home for the elderly as it appears she is a handful. Good luck.

Answer 11

I decided 4 years ago not to have anything else to do with mine, got p'd off with her controlling my life! it took courage but I now feel so much better, you can't choose your family. You are not on your own, be strong and GOOD LUCK! By the way, similar ages but my dad died over 30 years ago.