A man was abusive towards you, mentally and verbally. Do you keep occasional civil contact?

Question

Say you had an intimate relationship with someone for two years. There are no children involved. In the beginning, he was a take charge man, then it became more intrusive, and finaly it evolved into vulgar hurtful abuse. Most of the time, as many abusers are, he was charming, helpful, loving and sweet. You broke up because of the abuse. If he wants to maintain occasional friendly contact, say once a week or ten days, do you accomodate that, because of the good times you had together, or would you be a doormat if you do?

Whoa! Thank you all for good supportive responses. It's gonna be hard.
You do all realize that I will not become invoved with him romantically or sexualy anymore, right?

Answer 1

i would stay away from him you do not need any kind of abuse from any man or anybody else for that matter he wants his self to feel better if you allow him to keep seeing you noway girl find you a real man!! and good luck

Answer 2

DOORMAT! Love yourself more than that. Don't allow him that control. Take away the control or he will always have it. Get over the good times, that's what a photo album is for. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is so hateful to you? If you had kids then you would kind of have to, unless you had a third party intervene. He will be sweet, and say, let's do lunch, and then if you say I can't, he'll get mad and say you're stupid and curse you, or if you go, and you say something he doesn't like in the restaurant, he'll throw his plate at you... there are just too many ways he can still abuse you. Although it hurts for you to admit (and maybe you don't believe it yet, but you need to realize this) he is a loser! He can be really nice and sweet and charming and loving but his true nature is a mean, vulgar, hateful abuser. And you don't need to be around him!

Answer 3

Nope - make a clean break - having him around in any capacity will always make you feel on edge, and he will always have that power over you. Once they have had that power they don't want to let it go. He will probably try and edge his way back in as well - manipulating any "friendly" situation to his advantage. He may even get jealous if you get involved with someone else and start making life hard again. Get him out of your life and start living again.

Theres no children involved so theres no need to keep in touch. Remember the good times fondly but remember the bad times too and see why you ended it in the first place. He doesn't sound like a very friendly man in the first place so why would you want to be friends with someone like that? Ultimately its you choice but you asked for advice and mine is to get rid of the baggage and move on :D Good luck

Answer 4

I was involved with a man like this, and we ended up having a child. I thank God everyday for my son but I curse the day I met his father. Unfortuneatly for me I do have to maintain civil contact with him for the benifit of my son. However, if I had no children there would be no way on earth that I would ever want to speak to him again!!! Because if I did I would be allowing anything bad that would happen and assure yourself something would happen. He may not hit you but he will fall back into old patterns and be mean spiteful and degrade you. Those leopards do not change their spots....trust me! Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

If you continue to have any kind of contact with him, the abuse will eventually return. Ask yourself why you wish to see someone again that has treated you so badly? The past good days are gone and he has shown you who he really is! If you are lonely get moving and find others to be with and enjoy their company. Meet new men by joining special interest groups, attending a church of your choice, or signing up on Internet personals. Put him behind you and embrace your goodness!

Answer 6

regardless whether physical or verbal it is abuse and unfortunately he wont change. The occasional visits will more or less be his way of trying to squirm back into your life.He will probably try to show you that he is a changed man,hoping you will take him back. If you do, well its only a matter of time when it will start again and this time it might result in more than verbal. "So do i think you should have regular contact with him" well hell No! but that's my opinion.

Answer 7

Walk away and maintain as little contact as possible. He wants some control still in your life and you were smart enough to leave so don't become the doormat.

Answer 8

I extremely have not in any respect experienced this with all of us in my opinion or myself, yet i comprehend a few women that I imagine are complicated to stay with and that i'm effective are verbally abusive. Its very demanding to coach notwithstanding. i assume it is part of the reason it isn't considered as unfavourable as actual abuse. To me that's totally as risky, both to the guy and the relationship (and any children in contact) and is grounds for leaving the relationship. best of luck. no individual advantages to be in a relationship like this.

Answer 9

Doormat...definitely. A leopard doesn't change his spots. He's still playing the charming game in the hopes you'll "forget" that he's still the same leopard.

This is the way they operate. Don't be a chump.

Answer 10

not right at first you better wait till he gets you out of his system or he could become a stalker type person. maybe later If you feel he has cooled down some on his controlling behavior. and you have to consider he may just want to have sex once a week. You never know but , right after breakup no no no no.