I need a correct and definitive answer here, and not one using a wild guess, or opinion, or conjuncture!?

Question

What is the correct way of addressing a letter to a married couple, the man being a doctor (say his name is James Anderson), and the woman being his wife (say her name is Mary Anderson, and she is a housewife). Why have we typically addressed the envelope, "Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson", instead of the seemingly more correct version, "Dr. James and Mrs. Mary Anderson", or "Mrs. Mary and Dr. James Anderson"?? Please state your source, and why it is the correct way. Traditionally, it's as though we have given no real identity to the female, in this case, Mary Anderson! It may seem trivial to you, but a lot is at stake here, so please be accurate and correct! Thank you for your irrefutably correct answers only!

The word I meant was "conjecture"--sorry!

PLEASE, PEOPLE!! I ASKED FOR PRECISELY CORRECT ANSWERS ONLY!! AS I SAID, IT MAY SEEM TRIVIAL, BUT MUCH IS RIDING ON THE CORRECT ANSWER!!!

Answer 1

From Judith Martin's Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior: Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson is the proper form.You have assumed that the wife has no identity of her own;she has her own personality does she not?

Answer 2

You have been given the correct form of addressing a letter of correspondence to Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson. But it seems so far that no one has given you the "why" for doing so. Having pored over Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette, copyright 1954 I can find no specific reason "why." I have also checked Crane's Blue Book of Stationery and reached the same end. So it would seem that you are left with nothing but conjecture. In our social past, wives WERE known by their husband's identitiy. This form of address has apparently carried over to present day. Right, wrong, or indifferent it is the "correct" way to address this particular married couple. One possible reason for the man's name coming first is that he was considered the more "senior" of the two. Since time immemoriam it has been correct to say the name of the person holding the higher rank (or senior position) first when making an introduction. This shows respect and honor for the person holding the higher rank. Perhaps that translated to the written word as well.
In yesteryear men AND women owned a stationery "wardrobe." On the woman's stationery would be her name only Jane Doe...not Mrs. Jane Doe or Mrs. John Doe. There were calling cards, informals and letterhead. So that way a woman could have her own identity even if only on her personal correspondence.

Answer 3

As a few others have said, it is Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson. I worked for a very old school employer and we were CONSTANTLY with noses in Emily Post for forms of address (envelope to a Cardinal of the Catholic church surprised me) to table settings for in-house luncheons.

FYI, you're not supposed to split the husbands name per your idea that it might be Dr. James and Mrs. Mary Anderson. That would be VERY poor form. Mrs. Mary Anderson would be a social introduction.

Answer 4

Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson

Answer 5

Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson.
That's the correct answer and that's the end to it!
No feminist babbling about how it's unfair to the woman. It's not unfair. Mrs. James Anderson loves being called that and she loves the good doctor with all her heart. Now shut up!

Answer 6

According to Debrett's, the proper form differs from the contents and the envelope.

For example, an invitation is addressed:

Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson

But the envelope is addressed to Dr. James Anderson alone.

Note that Debrett's is the de facto source for manners British, but not American.

Answer 7

Etiquette, also known as decorum, is the code that governs the expectations of social behavior, the conventional norm. It is an unwritten code, but it may evolve from or into a written code.

The conventional norm is just that, and it dictates that the "proper" way to address the envelope is "Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson."

Answer 8

Changing attitudes in letter writing allows you flexibility.

It is OK to address

Dr. and Mrs. James Anderson
Mr. and Mrs. James Anderson
James and Mary
Mary and James

You need to fit the addressees according to the context.

Is this a legal matters? Invitation? Personal matter? In confidences? Professional?

To be neutral, use the common Dr. and Mrs.

Answer 9

i guess i would do it like mr and mrs dr james anderson it looks and sounds better

Answer 10

dr james and mary anderson

or

sir james and lady mary anderson

option 2 sounds better..

to me at least