i have been in a 3 month friendship with a guy. he is 10 years older than me and is coming out of a 3 year relationship that he is still healing from. how long should i continue with our friends with benefits. i really like this guy and i believe he likes me but he tells me he's not ready for a committed relationship because he's still healing from the past one. they have been separted for 11 months now. i hear that some people want to move slow because of there past relationships that have failed or because they have a history of rushing into a relationship. is this true?
2006-07-29 01:40:22 · 11 answers · asked by p-lane 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you are feeling used. Stop this relationship.
If you feel that potentially it could be something better, then stay in it. However he claims he is hurting, but you could be the one being hurt if you don't speak up about it.
You need to tell him that you will wait for him, otherwise he might 'heal' and find some other woman, then you will be the friend without 'benefits'.
Give him time, it's great that he's not jumping straight into a relationship, however if you guys have been together for three months, it does sound a bit like he is just there for the benefits.
Best thing is to have a really serious talk with him, lay your feelings out on the table, and let him know how you feel. It's not fair for him to string you along if he has no future plans.
Good luck to you. Moving slowly is not always a bad thing. Waiting can be very helpful.
2006-07-29 01:46:18 · answer #1 · answered by kara_nari 4 · 9⤊ 1⤋
This is very true.. a friends with benefits relationship should only go for as long as you both are satisfied with that status.. if he says he's not ready to make it official with you yet then chances are he's still holding onto this three year relationship.. that could take a lot of healing. I think it's smart on his end to make sure that you are fine with just the friends thing.. seems like he's made it clear where he stands on it. If your not happy with just friends with benefits then you should stay just friends with him and cut out the playtime.. your only hurting yourself at this point. That way you can move on if he's only going to stand still or he can decide that he does want to make it more than friends. But, right now he's got the best of both worlds with you. He's got sex without commitment and he can keep himself open for the possibility that this girl might come back or maybe he just is scared because this girl really hurt him. Either way he's made his choice for now.. you just have to decide if waiting for what you want is worth the pain it might cause you in the future. These fun engagements only last for so long before the sh*t hits the fan and even your friendship is lost. Friends with benefits, like I said previously, are only for fun.. attachment will cause heartache. His wounds are still healing- he's told you that flat out. good luck.
2006-07-29 01:52:33 · answer #2 · answered by moonshadow385 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
True, but friends with benefits will never turn into a serious relationship. That's the whole point. So if you really like this guy, and you want it to turn into something real, break it off and tell him when he's over his issues, you'll be there for him because you like him. And the whole "moving slow" crap? How is having sex with someone you're not even in a relationship with yet moving slow? Sorry hon, that's a copout. He's either in it for the free booty, or he's really believes his own line of BS.
2006-07-29 01:49:08 · answer #3 · answered by *Brooke*Loves*Stars* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Sounds to me like he wants the benefits of a relationship without the committment. If he's still healing from a past relationship, he must still have feelings for her otherwise he should be over it already. What happens if the ex decides she wants him back?
2006-07-29 01:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by shydelite1965 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really care about him, and he you, then you just need to be patient, and it will work itself out. If you are comfortable remaining friends with benefits, and you both sort of use each other, then you should end it if you become close to someone else. I don't think you're doing anything wrong; but if you want to have a long term relationship, then just give it time. If it works, it was meant to be.
2006-07-29 01:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by Paul K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is playing with you and your emotions and want to enjoy with you without any responsibility , healing is an nonsense excuse , better watch out , he may leave you any time , he may get bored . Understand your dignity & self respect , do not allow people to simply play and go , take care .
2006-07-29 01:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is true.
The real question is how long you want to be used? That's what he is doing to you. Do you want to be in a "real" relationship? It sounds like it. If that is the case he is preventing you from finding it.
2006-07-29 01:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give him time but i wouldnt give him no sex either. Sex confuses everything and is very emotional and if hes ok enuff to do that hes ok to commit
2006-07-29 01:46:21 · answer #8 · answered by krayzeman32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only YOU can determine when its time to change it, but bear in mind, he might like the current arrangement and not want to.
If he does not, you might want to question his motives, and if he has any other ladies on the side.....
2006-07-29 01:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by Ralph G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time solves yr problem. do not push him to love u.
2006-07-29 01:43:15 · answer #10 · answered by manalonedubai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋