We've been going out only for a couple of months. We're having a great time and are thinking something long term but my boyfriend (who is 36 and 7 years older than me) has already (in passing) said he wants a long term relationship but doesn't want kids.
I am looking for someone to settle down and have family with. So its beginning to really bother me that he thinks this way. For him, its because he sees it as an uncessary burden, he thinks life is too short and there's a lot two people can do, and experience together without the extra responsibilities. ..... but that's not how i view life obviously.
He isn't a terribly stubborn person and whilst he has his views, i'm not sure how much of a compromise (if indeed this is something to compromise on!) he is willing to make for me a few years down the line....
Do you think i should carry on with him, or am i just pursuing a wrong relationship that is fundamentally flawed, that will come crashing down over this issue??
2006-07-29 00:01:13 · 12 answers · asked by godfather 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The question is do you love him enough to sacrifice your hopes of being a mother?
2006-07-29 00:05:54 · answer #1 · answered by linsy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay hon,
You need to sit down and have a serious chat with him. Ask him straight out if he wants to have kids or not (don't worry about scaring him off...if he runs it's because he doesnt want to have an indepth open relationship and you would be better off out of it).
If he answers you honestly and says he doesnt want to have any kids (not what you want to hear I know), you need to respect him for his honesty.
Then though you will need to decide if this man is enough for you on his own. If you are positive that you definately want to have children then Im afraid you need to take a long hard look at this relationship because if you stay with him and still want children you will grow resentful and the relationship will more than likely self destruct.
You need to get this out of the way now, otherwise it will eat away at you and the relationship will suffer. You dont want to find out a year down the line that he does want children after you have split up because of this unanswered question.
Best of luck
xxxx
2006-08-01 13:00:00 · answer #2 · answered by Honey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not the one. As you get older the wanting to
have a child may grow stronger in you.
Find someone who wants what you want out of life.
Don't wait, men think we can have babies in our
older age. That's more then a notion. The clock
for your conceving does run down. Don't wait for
a man to change his mind about it. You'll have
most of the care for the child anyway in it's early
years. Be young enough to keep up with the baby.
Don't let a man make you miss your chance to
have your own.
2006-07-29 07:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by elliebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men don't generally want kids in the same way that women do.
I'm 37 and my girlfriend is 29 we have been going out for 3 years, she is slowly bringing me around to having kids (I still think that I'm too young)
You've only been going out a couple of months, much to early to think about kids.
Discuss it with him in a year or two time at least then you will know if the two of you are right for each other,
2006-07-29 07:12:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am happy to answer this question for you . as a single dad i have a great fondness for children and i dream of having another or too.
i have been in a few relationships and when it came up to discussing children i discovered varying reactions, for reasons of career age and their view of children. somehow it became a elevant decision maker wheather i should continue with any of them. fortunately i have found a wonderful woman , a single mother who would love to have another child, and we are taking the time if we are the kind of couple to follow through on long term family plans.
the point is life is too short to wait and see if your partner may change his mind. some men are meant to be fathers , others are undecided for life and others rather be uncles, if you catch my drift.
you are 29 and have plenty of time to meet the right mister. if he is there when it goes in, he should be there when it comes out.!
dont comprimise yourself on what is the biggest decision of your life.
i am 36 with a 6 year old boy, she is 30 with a girl turning 2 next month.
there is always hope!
2006-07-29 07:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by viikos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you need to give it more time for example, when i met my man he was not for marriage, but then later down the line the more seriouse are relationship became he married me. (but after i forced him many times)
maybe he has an insecuruty about having children but will not show you or tell you and will make excuses for not having kids.
you no your man best if you really feel that he is not willing to compromise for you and is seriouse about not having children maybe you should consider leaving, but dont do that just yet, let your relationship progress, that happens when all the fine lines you and him have between each other dissapear.
good luck
2006-07-29 07:35:59 · answer #6 · answered by sweetlikehoney_73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having children is a burden, and if he is not prepared for it you might end up breaking up anyhow. Noone can tell you what to do, but it looks like you are not really after the same thing in life.
2006-07-29 07:08:36 · answer #7 · answered by shortnotsilly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not compromise on this, as in having kids, children are hard to raise, and its not fair to them to have a father that is not 100% commited to them. My dad I love him, and financially was a great dad, but didnt know how to be a dad, and didnt want to learn. What will you do if you have a child, and the child is about 3 and wants to go with his dad, and his dad says no i want to go out without you over and over again? its not fair to the child. i dont know about all men, but i know with my hubby and my father, they both (even thou my hubby is a great dad) have problems sharing thier wives with the children. when babies are young they take alot of time. alot of dads who want to be dads have problems ajusting. and when your husband decides he is going out and you where the one who wanted a baby thats your problem how are you going to feel? or when that other woman comes up without kids and she makes life so much fun, are you going to be able to handle that.
2006-07-29 14:41:51 · answer #8 · answered by Robin i 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want kids and he does not then there will be big problem in later life you need to have a few more talks if he is sure he does not and you have set your heart on it then it time to end it no point in beating around the bush
2006-07-29 07:10:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want children, this man is not the one for you. At his age he's given it alot of thought and knows what he wants and doesn't want. Find someone who wants the same things out of life as you.
2006-07-29 07:48:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!! I had a friend who married someone like that and she was always waiting for him to change his mind. Long story short, He told me he was snipped, so he couldnt have children period, he never told her. They stayed together 10 years and he died. She is now past childbearing age, never knew he was snipped, and very bitter. GET OUT NOW! HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIS MIND
2006-08-01 10:33:31 · answer #11 · answered by francina i 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋