How much leniency does it require to make a relationship successfully work? If you had a partner, and they did things/do things that you as a person do not believe in and you think are wrong and unacceptable, are you supposed to continue to be with that person irregardless of how you perceive their habits?
I'm not talking necessarily outlooks on life or religion. I'm talking behavioral issues, say if they've had sex before or with a lot of people or do drugs or something along those lines.
How much would you forgive to be with a person you really liked? Do you even consider it to be an issue of forgiveness at all? We're not supposed to be judgemental of the people we're with but if they do something you don't like but they don't see it as wrong can you really expect the relationship to last?
2006-07-28 21:26:36 · 6 answers · asked by silverlinkx2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Any successful relationship requires quite a bit of leniency. The rub is that this "leniency" must come from both sides. One cannot be more [for]giving than the other without incurring resentment or unappreciation on both sides of the water. With that said, you have to understand that no partner will ever be perfect.
Heard of soul mates? Well, if you have, know this: soul-mates are not the ever-compassionate, habitually giving, you-complete-me, Cinderella meets Jerry Maguire companion. Your soul-mate will in fact be just as stubborn, emo, critical and judgmental as you are at your worst. She will drink, smoke, cuss, vote Democrat, everything that you despise. AND you will never learn to ignore or be blind to these things. But you will however learn to [at least] tolerate and [at most] accept these things as part of the person you care about, and that my friend, is the true meaning of love: to take all the bad, with the good, and still look in her eyes and know in your heart that you could never be without her, yadda, yadda, yadda.
The question you have to ask yourself now is not how much you like this person, but why? You obviously have issues with her activities, her experience, her basic outlook on life. Why then have you come to care for her enough that you're questioning whether or not you've judged too harshly? Could it possibly be because you know - somewhere in the deep recesses of the part of your brain that thinks it's your heart - that there really isn't anything to forgive, that what you think you can't live with is really part of what you appreciate about her?
My advice is this: Give it a shot. Nothing else will take her off your mind. Honestly, the worst that can happen is that you accept her faults, and go on with the relationship. If it ends, then it ends, and you're no worse off than if you'd avoided the relationship altogether. But at least you will have tried, and, if nothing else, you'll have learned more about yourself than you did about her.
2006-07-29 15:22:09 · answer #1 · answered by Magdalene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being non judgmental doens't mean you should over look behavior in a relationship with whom the person you are with has major disagreements with your own values. This isn't an issue of forgivness or being non judgmental.
There is no need to continue or feel obligated to keep the relationship going.
In your head or write down the things you need for and in a relationship. Then make another list of things you will not consider in a relationships. Call them red flags or non negoitables. And stand firm on those things.
Here is a personal experience I had. I met a guy who seemed wonderful for me in all ways. When we said goodnight he asked how I would feel about going to bars and picking up strangers to add for a sexy night. I said NO way. The he said, he didnt need to do that. When I left I started to think about it and I thought..geesh if this guy has done that, he will eventually want to do it again. Also if he thinks it is ok to do this.........then he and I have VERY different morals. I turned down the next date. He was angry. I had to just say no. Other peoples anger should not persuade you in any way, As you get older the easier that will be.
2006-07-28 21:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they slept around before being with me then it's okay as that is the past. If they did drugs while with me then I would not be with them.
It all depends on the seriousness of what they do. If it's just being a messy person then it's okay, but cheating, drugs etc is not something you should put up with.
2006-07-28 21:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have tried changing them to be a better person and they still make the same mistake again and again. My advice is you should move on.
2006-07-28 21:33:01 · answer #4 · answered by Trouble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends
2006-07-28 21:29:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the person is willing to change his/her wrong habits for u ....then i think u must given him/her a chance to prove thmselves but tiz proving session shud not be taken for granted if u understnd wat i mean
2006-07-28 21:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋