My friend's father died a year ago. He's not a Christian but...?

Question

He hasn't quite gotten over it yet. He's 15, but what's remarkable about him, I think is that although none of his family believe in God, he did somewhat until his father died. He still kind of believes in God but he blames Him for what happened to his father and his faith is worn out completely. He just can't understand why God would let this happen and now he's compelled to just forget about God altogether. I'm only 16.. and I can understand that there is a time for everything and that everything has a place in God's amazing plan.. but he can't see that and I need a way to help him understand why these things happen and why he shouldnt give up hope.

I don't want to give up hope on him because I know I, through God, can help him through thisl. Does anyone know anything at all I can say to him or show him that will help him understand> It would be greatly appreciated.. and please.. I only want serious answers.

Answer 1

Well, he may need god's help right now, but he also might need just your help more. Be there for your friend, make sure your friend doesnt feel alone. I do not think you can really show him what you want, he will need to experience and find this out himself. But you can be there to help and comfort when needed.

I hope that helped at all.

Answer 2

the thing you need to remember is that it can take a long time to get over the death of someone you love i am assuming his father died suddenly in an accident or had a serious illness and was young when he died ( i am babing this on yoour ages)

my father died nearly 5 years ago of cancer it was really hard to see him deteriorate the way he did as i say this was nearly 5 years ago and i am still not over it

he was a christian as is my mum and myself

it may be an idea to talk to your or your friends church leader ( if you are not both in the same church)

they will have more experience than you in helping people in your friends situation you should think about who you feel would be sensitve and keep things confidential

i understand you are a christian as i said i am also a christain but it may be an idea not to say too much about gods plans etc as this is not always the most helpful thing to hear

i know that i found it far from helpful when my sister died very suddenly earlier this year to have an anglican vicar spout religious talk at me

you just need to be there for your friend and give him the space to talk trying not to sound judgmental if he expresses doubts about god (i am not saying you are being judgemental but it can be easy to sound as if you are)

pray for him in private

there is a little booklet i was given when my sister died called living through grief by harold bauman

this may be helpful to your friend (and possibly you to help you understand how your friend may be feeling)

this booklet is a christian one

if you want any more info on the booklet please email me and i will answer as soon as i am able to

Answer 3

C J !!
Your religion has made you a totally insensitive creep and you cannot even see it.
just in this string you see that ..starflames, Princess, Kate, Deacon, Ausjo, Momoftheyear & hippoterry ... are also insensitive idiots so you are not alone ...

Telling your friend that the master of the universe killed his father on purpose ... makes him accept being worthless and useless .. a really negative guilt trip to shovel on a kid that is grieving. [ now if you look at what this does to people you have the chance to realize your spiteful deity is not worth a nod even if it was real .. and ditch the works ]

The truth is that there is no such thing as a deity and no planned reason at all for your friends father to die.
Things just happen when they happen.

Now .. give your friend a hug and try to understand his sorrow and loss.

Answer 4

I have to agree with the first posted response.. Why do you feel obligated to push religion onto him? Do you feel so insecure about yourself that you need someone else to join you?

I've been through what your friend has been through, not exactly but close it. A relative died on Christmas day, just as I cam home from mass "praying" for his well being. As i cam home the phone rang and guess what? That person died. So much for f*cking god answering prayers. And when I asked about why god did not answer my prayers i was given stupid f%cking copout answers such as it is god's will or the best asinine answer given to me was it is not our place to question gods actions or lack of action.

This was the straw that broke the camels back; after this I turned away from religion and realized what it real was, nothing but false hope, false reassurance.
Yeah the death of a loved one is hard to deal with but it is asinine for you or other religious people to try and tell someone not to loose hope or faith. And even more so give copout answers like it is part of gods plan.

How do you know it is parts of gods plan? did god speak to you about it? Or did some guy dressed in black outfit with a white collar who has sex with little boys tell you this?

Answer 5

When someone close to you dies, the first and only thing you want is someone to support you, to make you feel like your safe mourning, instead of trying to act like your alright so they won't avoid you or keep saying ridiculous things like, your going to be ok, or everything happens for a reason. These things are true of course, but when your heart is broken you don't think so, and they also make you feel like the people your talking to just want you to shut up, cheer up and move on now for Their comfort level.

Ask him questions about his dad so he can talk about him. If he talks about him already, let him. This crisis of faith will go away, but you have to be ready for the fact that through his suffering he will most likely have a different idea of how and what he believes in.
In most people who are not with bruised or broken intellect, and not guilt riddled from repetitive exposure to established, accepted and torment based belief systems, spiritual evolution happens, and suffering is a harsh but precise teacher and transformer. Hopefully he won’t change into one of those people who shuts down and never understands Creators and Creation are not to blame for human weaknesses, frailties or actions, and learns to understand the concept of personal responsibility.

The question is, will you accept him after he changes, or will you try to get him re molded in someone else's image of God?

Answer 6

God created a perfect world without suffering and death. He also gave humans the authority to rule the world (Genesis 1) and the freedom to choose whether or not to worship him. People (Adam and Eve) were disobedient to God and decided, in effect, to manage without him – this is called ‘The Fall’ (Genesis 3).
The result is that the perfect relationship between people and God was destroyed. Also, the perfect creation was damaged and did not work properly – we see this as natural disasters, suffering and death.
So, the death of your friend’s father was not the fault of God but was the result of the sin of humanity; I am sure that God is as hurt as your friend by this death.
So, what has God done about it? He decided that the only way to restore things to how they should be was to become human as Jesus and die for us. One day God will remake creation (a new Heaven and a new Earth) and all those who accept Jesus as Saviour will be part of it. God did not want your friend’s father to die but he can turn an awful situation into one which could work for good by taking this opportunity for you and your friend to ask some really serious questions.
Ask the questions. Seek for the answers. If God is real he will honour your search and find you.

Answer 7

All you have to do is love him. While you do so, remember that whosoever has love in heart is united with God and God is within.

Be patient with him just as how God is patient with him.

Perhaps you want to pray this with him or better still let God himself be with him and pray with him.

It is more effective to let him find God himself rather than we give it to him. Just like doing homework. When you do your own homework with your own hardwork, when you get praise for it, you feel really good about it. But if your homework is done by somebody else and you get praise for it, you have just missed out the joy of the whole thing. It's the same here. Let me discover God for himself. All we can do is just show it to him, perhaps just pass him this prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Answer 8

CJ...The hard truth is that these are things that we simpley cannot give people the answers to. You can't tell your friend what good will come out of this bad, or the ryhme or reason for it, as God is the only one who knows.
The important thing to remember is that when bad things happen it isn't God who causes them and He is as sad about it as we are. It is in those times we look for someone to blame and God is an easy target, but God is the one who we can cling to in times like that.
It's like the poem 'Footprints in the Sand'. In the hard times our perception of God is tainted and all we can see is that there are one set of lonely footprints and think it is because God has left us. It's only further down the road we realise that He was carrying us through it.
Read Psalm 91 especially verse 4. That is the picture I have of God in those tricky times. That He is like a big eagle covering you over with His wing.
It's the hardest thing to deal with, but bless you for trying to be there for your friend. If in doubt don't try and give answers, just listen.

Answer 9

I understand that you are trying to help your friend in the best way that you know of, but sometimes people need to mourn thir loss and come to terms with it in their own way. The best thing you can do is to be there for him, and maybe that is what it is intended that you do.
Maybe, too, he could be helped to see that perhaps this happened because he and his family were strong enough to cope with it. Look at the other families and people around - would they have been able to handle the loss of a father?

Answer 10

it has taken me many years to experience the understanding of Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season. Buy him the record. allow him plenty of time to resolve this for himself, move at his pace not yours, when he has some appreciation of this it will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life no matter what life throws at him. be there for him, try not to lecture him, allow him in the full nest of space and time to grow and the pain will lessen and the grief will pass and through joy ( and this is where you can help) he will be most deeply transformed. Be aware of the payoff for you in all this and remember if you do help him it is to help himself. You are to take no credit for what is achieved, the credit must be all his. I am not so sure a 16 year old can do all this and if you can you are truly his friend.