husband help, i had my nose pierced and....?

Question

i feel stupid w/this question. i survived cancer this year, have 3 beautiful grans, 2 beautiful daughters, and great son in laws, very supportive. as i said my marriage is on the rocks, or getting there? i had my nose pierced, tiny...i am attractive, slim, yet husb. w/not go out with me if i leave piercing in....everything i do is last straw. he hates me. we are both trapped. i can't work, dissabled. or i would run for hills. i will not name the things he has done. just this on nose. help? positive please...

thanks to all, so many. yes this was a way of affirming being a winner, not survivor of cancer. if he does anything, his stock answer is "deal with it". he never was like this. i have suffered many gains, from the pains of me. he always thinks i do things to "get back". this is not the case for me. he is a wonderful grandfather, and more. i feel i am duty to him, or know i am. i was so very strong. my dependence is frustrating. up and down. he resents on all levels, i would like to discuss, he considers this arguing.we are both in that cycle of abuse, verbal...we have had therapy, to much, i am at a loss. i may have a way out in sept. and praying it comes. he lies about the most insane, tiny things, and big. i hide in my bedroom, self-imposed prison. with beating the cancer, and hopefully staying free the next 5 years my short term memory went however the long term memories came forth. clarity. i think at times he wishes i had not survived.by the way piercing did not hurt. thanks so

Answer 1

Congrats on being a cancer survivor.

I think your husband is embarassed by the nose piercing as that is a teenage thing to do...not something a mature woman does. And, since I am probably your age or close, I can honestly say I would never, ever get a nose piercing.

I can't address his other behavior but, the truth of the matter is, life is too short...as you have discovered. Why stay in a situation that makes you unhappy? File for divorce and alimony and move on.

If you want to stay in the marriage, then you have to compromise and that means avoid doing things that you know your husband will not approve of...especially if they are not age appropriate. At the same time, you need to stand up to him and TELL him how you feel. Things will never improve if you can't even communicate honestly about your feelings. I also suggest a marriage counselor.

Answer 2

I'm not sure I can help you, but will offer my advice. It sounds like your marriage was on the rocks before the nose ring. So you gave him another reason to be mad at you, that's all. Did you talked to him about the marriage problems you guys have? Sounds like you guys went through a lot together with you going through cancer. Guys have a funky way dealing with emotional stuff. Talk to him, maybe suggest counseling. Tell him you will respect him by not wearing the nose ring when you go out together, but otherwise he will have to live with it.good luck , stay tough!

Don't worry about the" age appropriate" thing. I'm almost 40 now and had my belly button pierced last year, got a tattoo 5 years ago. My husband laughs, shakes his head and live goes on. I think it's more a control thing. He had no control over what happened with your cancer, but he can with that. He needs to deal with that feeling of helplessness and a counselor can help you with that.

Answer 3

Trapped is no good... there are ALWAYS options. Find someone you can confide in who you trust to keep quiet and see if you can't find a solution. If possible, therapy would be good here. What I like about a good therapist is that often his or her job is to be able to ask the right question and let you answer it.

And *cyberhug* to you for your strength as a cancer survivor. You've beaten down the disease - your life is in your hands. Let yourself live and enjoy it!

Answer 4

I am in my forty's . I have a tongue ring and my belly button peirced. I told my husband I was doing this. He didn't like the idea. I did it anyway. I told him he would learn to love it. There is always a way to leave. Maybe very hard but not impossible. Pray for answers and I will pray for you. I think nose peircings are awesome. I would like to have mine done also. Does it hurt terribly bad?

Answer 5

Thing is, if you can't leave your marraige, then you have to do everything in your power to keep the peace between you until you can leave or you both start seeing a marriage counselor.

Avoid all the pitfalls that you know make life worse for you.

Answer 6

Tie a knot and hang on. Apply for disability and keep trying for it if you get denied. Maybe one of your children will take you in. I know trapped and it really sucks. I think the nose piercing is cool and I applaud you for doing it.

Answer 7

No No No! Your husband does no longer exchange into your dad or mum. Wait till you mature in the past questioning of marriage. subject concerns is a real understatement! you surely could see a psychologist.

Answer 8

why in the world did you get it done then? He is saying that you don't need jewelery to look nice and he wants to take you out as you are. Love is a two way street. you should come to some compromise on this one.

Answer 9

If you want to go out with him why did you get it done? If you hate each other so much why do you want to go out together.
You sound like a very demanding person to me. Sounds like it's always got to be your way!!

Answer 10

your husband is not understanding,you survived cancer for God's sake, he shld see that, your nose piercing was as a result of that,....try and talk to him, also see a therapist.