Serious Help only please!!! What to do with my mother please help..... (read details first)?

Question

I am 26 years old, my husband is 30, and MY daughter is 6. We used to live with my mother while my daughter was a baby and shortly after we got married. We moved into our own place 3 years ago, been married almost 5. My mother still lives close to us and often watched my daughter while my husband and I worked midnights. A couple weeks ago my husband and mother got into a big fight while I was at work in front of my daughter. Now we are using a babysitter (something I said I would never do).
This is what I was told happened: My mother walked into my apartment to get my daughter up for day camp. My husband knew this was going to happen, as he had worked an afternoon the day before and I was afraid that he would over sleep. My husband was up when my mother walked in, and said something along the line of him needing to get his a$$ up in the morning. He then got mad and told her to get the hell out of his house and stop bossing him around.

Then she walked into my daughter's room and grabbed my daughter some clothes, as my husband yelled at her to get out that he had everything under control. I then got a phone at my job (I work in a emergency crisis center) from my mother she was screaming and crying that my husband yelled at her. I then told my mother that I didn't have time to deal with her issues as I had a client in my office at the time. She then got mad at me and hung up the phone on me. Later when I got home, my daughter told me her story, it was the same as my husband's. My mother said that she didn't say anything wrong or yell about him getting up. A long time ago she decided she didn't like him because he took her daughter and granddaughter away from her. Since the fight, I have kept my daughter from my mother because I am tired of my daughter and I being put in the middle of their fights. I have completly stopped talking to my mother also. I h ave gotten several emails since then saying that everything was his

fault and I should forgive her. I am not sure that I want to. She was a welfare rat when I was growing up and very abusive my siblings and I. She is a better grandparent then she ever was a mother. The only reason that I let her watch my daughter is because she is to lazy to go out and get a real job.
So my question is: who should I believe and what should I say to her next time I get a phone call or email from her.

Answer 1

What a mess. The answer is so easy, though. You have your own family, a husband and a daughter, and they absolutely must be first in your life. Your mother may have her own problems and issues, but whatever they are, it is not your concern. She is a big girl, and she can take care of herself. Your daughter, however, cannot take care of herself, and she needs a mother and father who are totally devoted to her, not caught up playing games with a woman who is old enough to know better, but obviously doesn't care. Move on with your life, and don't let your mom drag you and your family into this nonsense.

Answer 2

You mom might not have intended to offend your husband or that might have been exactly what she was trying to do.

I would say, either way, it doesnt matter. It DID offend your husband and made him feel insulted, and he let her know that. That is good. That means he let her know that wasn't acceptable, and set a boundary with her. Boundaries are good. Its how people learn to get along. So your hubby made it clear that insulting him in his own house was not acceptable and if she does it she will be ordered to leave. That isn't a bad thing. Now she knows the rules maybe she will be more tactful. Thats what setting boundaries is all about. I wouldn't cut her out of your lives forever, just let her know that boundary is there and stays there. No insults allowed. That sounds..wow...healthy. I should practice that more often myself!

Answer 3

It's not uncommon to have in-law troubles. Up until the fight was your husband and mother getting along? Did they fight before now? Tempers can flare, but that doesn't mean that resolution is immposible. I have the pushiest mother on the planet, and sometimes my husband just has to count to 10..or 100 as the case may be. Talk to them both seperately and see if you can set up a meeting between them. I hope you can work it out..good luck..

Answer 4

Been there done that got the t shirt. You need to back up your husband. I realize that puts you in an awkward position but he is the man of your household. You are together a family and not kids setting up house. If Mom can handle that than maybe things can be patched up and you can use her for babysitting again but for now and for the sake of your family you need to back your man. This is from experience.

Answer 5

i see that ur mother is not fond of ur husband but answer this was she out of place to say this? if so you need to talk to her ,im sure everthing would have been fine had she went on with the daily routine , although ur husband is stressed from work and all that is still no way for him to talk to ur mother,i really feel soory 4 ur child ,and i know its hurtting ur mother to b away from her grandchild likewise 4 ur child if you dont get together with the both of them you all r going to b hurt in the end best of luck

Answer 6

first part-----Your Mom has no right to tell your husband to get his A** out of bed.
2nd Part----Your Husband went over board!
They where both wrong. Talk to them both and say so. If you husband was off and wanted to sleep it was his right to. Mom should have went got girl child and respected that. I f hubby should have been up she had to wake him. Except he was already up. She also may have been jokeing but was not taken that way.
They need to talk that is all they can do.

Answer 7

LOL welcome to being a mom and having a mom that loves her grandkids. while my oldest daughter became born my mom drove me up the wall doing precisely what you're saying your mom is doing. i could tell her she wasnt the right age for juice and he or she could come decrease back I gave it to you at that age and you survived which in basic terms made me mader through fact I KNEW greater advantageous. finally sometime my daughter became unwell and mom took her to the surgeon for me because i became at artwork and that i merely met her there. while the surgeon got here in ( he became my pediatrician as nicely so a solid chum ) my mom instructed him i became paranoid and what we were arguing approximately. He checked my daughter over suggested she had an outbreak and a solid mom yet a mom that had to take a seat down back. He instructed me to pass homestead and throw out each and all of the toddler books I were analyzing and end attempting to do all of it precise that one and all little ones have been diverse and that some biscuits wouldnt harm and neither could juice if we diluted it with water till we knew she ought to deal with it. while my 2nd one got here I listened to my mom and by a month previous we had her on cereal and a couple of months end result she became the happiest toddler I had ever been around and had plenty much less digestive issues than my oldest. although in case you heavily do no longer want to visit speedy with your daughter merely be straightforward with your mom and tell her which you like her and you comprehend she did a solid activity as a verify check out you yet you want the prospect to do it your way with your very own little ones and would she please comprehend that a minimum of at an identical time as you're around.

Answer 8

she is ur mother how can u say that about ur mother. blood is thicker than water.lf she is saying she is sorry why cant u forgive her wht more do you want. were l come from if l get married if my mother say some bad thing to my husband,my husband he's not suppose to exchange words with my mother. he must wait for me to deal with her it same for me l am not allowed to exchange words with his mommy or daddy.she is ur mother make sure she knows were she doesn't cross the line and forgive her

Answer 9

It really sounds like their is more to this story on someones side. whether it is your hubby or your mom. I have had problems with my grandma jumping into my boat and trying to divide me from my wife... I have put my foot down VERY hard in regards to not accepting my wife and trying to put me at odds with any of them and that my wife is my family, I am dedicated to her for the rest of my life and I would hate that to come between our relationship, but I will not allow you to disrespect my wife. If that is you situation then that is a choice.. But then at the same point you have to stick to it... as well as then don't go to your mom and complain about your hubby... But once again it sounds like their is more info from someone...

Answer 10

From the information given. You should stand by your husband. Remember though, there are always two sides to every story.