What's the funniest joke you got ?!?

Answer 1

try this.......

Joe and John were identical twins.

Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.

One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.

He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.

A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."

"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."

"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."

"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too."

"Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time."

"I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad, but they wanted her anyway."

"The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."

The old woman fainted.

Answer 2

this is a joke you can share with your guy friends and tell them to spread it. haha its kinda dirty yea, OK HERE GOES.

Theres this totally retarded boy who doesnt know a damn thing. He wasnt tought anything from young.

One day, this boy went to the zoo. Then he saw this hippo. He had no idea what it was. So he went to ask this man nearby, excuse me mr, what is that fat thing over there? He looked at the man with a totally retard look. The man replied, you really wanna know? The boy said, yes. The man replied, on one condition, you have to help me suck my d*ck.

The boy had no idea what a dick was. But he just said yes and the man took out his dick and showed it to him. He began sucking.

After that, the man told the boy, that is an hipopotamus. The boy said ohh..

The boy went around the zoo, this time he saw another animal, it was a giraffe. The boy, once again had no idea what it was. So he went to find the same man again and asked him what was that. The man replied, you really wanna know? The boy said yes. The man replied, then you suck my d*ck. And so the boy sucked his dick.

The man told the boy, that is a giraffe. The boy replied, ohhh...

After that, the boy saw another animal. It was a totally weird animal, he cant even ask a question on what that thing is. You wanna know what the thing is? You sure?(this part your friend will say yes) Then you tell him or her, SUCK MY D*CK THEN.

haha~

Answer 3

Someone else posted this joke earlier... it's a bit cruel and offensive but you will get an initial chuckle:

Q: What was missing from the Million Man March?
A: About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer.

Answer 4

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
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A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"

And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
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Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

Answer 5

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Answer 6

Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms inside out while having sex cause he chooses to pleasure himself

Answer 7

summer sochool: shawn: hello and youre in summer school. edge:boo! you s'''! shawn: hey! shut up! shawn: why did vince had me to do this. thats it, im pissed. see ya!

Answer 8

what time is it when you have to see the dentist?

Tooth Hurty!!