Have you ever pinched a child to hear him/her cry just so you could comfort them?

Question

A friend of mine confessed to me that she sometimes will pinch her child to hear him cry just so she could comfort him. Is this some kind of mental illness? Please no sarcastic answers, only those willing to help. Thank you

Answer 1

No, I have never done this, and find quite disturbing. While I don't think this qualifies as Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS), or Factitious Disorder by Proxy, your friend's behavior may be a precursor to it. Since you know her better and are in a better position to see if she could have it, I'm adding information on the syndrome to help you out:


Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS), or Factitious Disorder by Proxy is relatively uncommon condition involves the exaggeration or fabrication of illnesses or symptoms by a primary caretaker. One of the most harmful forms of child abuse, Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome was named after Baron von Munchausen, an eighteenth-century German dignitary known for telling outlandish stories.


What Is Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome?
In MBPS, an individual - usually a mother - deliberately makes another person (most often his or her own preschool child) sick or convinces others that the person is sick. The parent or caregiver misleads others into thinking that the child has medical problems by lying and reporting fictitious episodes. He or she may exaggerate, fabricate, or induce symptoms. As a result, doctors usually order tests, try different types of medications, and may even hospitalize the child or perform surgery to determine the cause.

Typically, the perpetrator feels satisfied when he or she has the attention and sympathy of doctors, nurses, and others who come into contact with him or her and the child. Some experts believe that it isn't just the attention that's gained from the "illness" of the child that drives this behavior, but there is satisfaction gained by the perpetrator in being able to deceive individuals that they consider to be more important and powerful than themselves.

Because the parent or caregiver appears to be so caring and attentive, often no one suspects any wrongdoing. A perplexing aspect of the syndrome is the ability of the parent or caregiver to fool and manipulate doctors. Frequently, the perpetrator is familiar with the medical profession and is very good at fooling the doctors. Even the most experienced doctors can miss the meaning of the inconsistencies in the child's symptoms. It's not unusual for medical personnel to overlook the possibility of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome because it goes against the belief that a parent or caregiver would never deliberately hurt his or her child.

Children who are subject to Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome are typically preschool age, although there have been reported cases in children up to 16 years old. There are equal numbers of boys and girls, however, 98% of the perpetrators are female. Diagnosis of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome is very difficult, but would involve some of the following:

-a child who has multiple medical problems that don't respond to treatment or that follow a persistent and puzzling course
physical or laboratory findings that are highly unusual, don't correspond with the child's medical history, or are physically or clinically impossible
-short-term symptoms that tend to stop when the perpetrator isn't around
-a parent or caregiver who isn't reassured by "good news" when test results find no medical problems, but continues to believe that the child is ill
-a parent or caregiver who appears to be medically knowledgeable or fascinated with medical details or appears to enjoy the hospital environment
a parent or caregiver who's unusually calm in the face of serious difficulties with the child's health
-a parent or caregiver who's highly supportive and encouraging of the doctor, or one who is angry and demands further intervention, more procedures, second opinions, or transfers to more sophisticated facilities

What Causes Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome?
In some cases, the parents or caregivers themselves were abused, both physically and sexually, as children. They may have come from families in which being sick was a way to get love. The parent's or caregiver's own personal needs overcome his or her ability to see the child as a person with feelings and rights, possibly because the parent or caregiver may have grown up being treated like he or she wasn't a person with rights or feelings.

Other theories say that Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome is a cry for help on the part of the parent or caregiver, who may be experiencing anxiety or depression or have feelings of inadequacy as a parent or caregiver of a young child. Some may feel a sense of acknowledgement when the child's doctor confirms their caregiving skills. Or, the parent or caregiver may just enjoy the attention that the sick child - and, therefore, he or she - gets.

The suspected person may also have symptoms similar to the child's own medical problems or an illness history that's puzzling and unusual. He or she frequently has an emotionally distant relationship with his or her spouse, who often fails to visit the seriously ill child or have contact with doctors.

Answer 2

Seriously, that is sick. It is some kind of twisted thinking that you would hurt a child to manipulate him to comfort. I don't know what you should do about it, since it probably wont count as child abuse, but if she has that sort of mentality now, it could easily progress. Eventually, the child will stop crying, and then what will she have to resort to to make him cry to put her in charge again? Hit? Kick? Shove down the stairs? It is the same as an abusive male/female relationship.

Answer 3

Please call the local department of health and human services and report her to child welfare. if she is pinching now it could lead to something worse. I know first hand all about that, my friends mom used to do that to her and it progressed until she was kicking her and punching her. It may seem like a hard thing to do but you have to look out for the best interest of the child, if you lose her as a friend becasue you call just think that you saved the child and got her some help and maybe one day she will thank you for it.

Answer 4

sounds a little bit like Munchhausen by proxy. These mothers will hurt their children and then take them to receive medical attention in an effort to gain some kind of emotional attention from others. This is a serious form of mental illness.

Answer 5

i ddi this once when i was about 10 to my 18 month old cousin just so i could cuddle her better. But i do think thers something wrong if a grown mother is doing this to her child

Answer 6

That is a person that is mental unstable to hurt a child.... Your friend or not>>>>Why would she want to confront her child when he cries.????.. So she can show him she is bigger and he better quit whinning before she really hurts him?????Sorry but she don't need children.. Whats this world comming to??
She needs mental help...

Answer 7

I think this is a problem. The parent has a need to be everything to the child, to the extent that she will cause him to suffer so that she can relieve the suffering. This can really mess up her kid. She needs psychological help.

Answer 8

she really needs help, pinching a child hard enough to cry??? I am just shocked you didn't say something to her immediately, that's just wrong

Answer 9

This definately sounds like Munchhausen disease. she may need help soon b/c i knew a woman who nearly killed her child just so she could save her. well the baby's dead now b/c she couldn't revive her in time. get her help b4 its too late for that poor child

Answer 10

Your friend needs help.. not being sarcastic... no reason to ever hurt a kid. If it makes her feel good to hurt him only to comfort him.. please.. she needs help. There is only one person a child is able to trust.. that is their mom.. and if their mom is causing pain.. there is a problem. Please, since you are aware of the situation..put your voice in.