best joke gets 10 pts?

Question

seriously im bored to death and id like to share a laugh with my friends so type away with a good joke please!!!

Answer 1

hoping to get my 10 pts.....
here it is......

Joe and John were identical twins.

Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.

One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.

He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.

A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."

"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."

"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."

"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too."

"Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time."

"I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad, but they wanted her anyway."

"The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."

The old woman fainted.

Answer 2

A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following
him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept
staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she
turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered,
"That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave
the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the
checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called
out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady waved and smiled back at
him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he!
went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the
clerk. "How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.." The clerk
replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too."

Do not trust all little Old Ladies

Answer 3

blonde joke:

there was this blonde who wanted to go ice fishing, so she went to the nearest frozen water and poured hot chocolate on the ice, and started cutting, then a voice said THERE ARE NO FICH UNDER THE ICE! she gets a little confused and starts again, the voice says once again, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE! she gets freaked pout but continues anyways, once again the voice says THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. finally the blonde replies, "is that you lord?" the voice replies back: NO IT'S THE ICE RINK MANAGER"

Answer 4

Q: Why don't women like to "get busy "in the morning?

A: Have you ever tried to open a grilled cheese?

Answer 5

ok i hope no one gets offended...

Three countries were arguing over which one was better. Ireland said it was better because they had greener grass, America said it was better because it had the best flag, and australia said " No way we are better because we have the kangaroo. The kangaroo can poop on your green grass and wipe its butt on your american flag!

Answer 6

yo momma jokes: so fat when she went to weigh herself it said to be continued. so stinky she made an onion cry. so fat had to use empire state building as injection.

Answer 7

how do you know when it's bed time at Micheal Jackson's house?







when the big hand touched the little hand.. ha ha

Answer 8

did you hear about the new pirate movie? I heard it was rated "Arrrrrrgh!"