How can I deal with this?

Question

My first son died of SIDS (10/26/02-1/14/03 May he rest in peace) and i continue to grieve untill this very day.
I was very depressed, and helpess for two years until i finally decided to move on and realize that I can't do anything to bring him back...That is when, not long after, i became pregnant with my daughter who is now 2 years old, healthy, and a beautiful little girl.
After i finally moved on since my son's death, and had a baby girl, i didn't think anything bad could happen but i was wrong...
At the end of 2005, i got pregnant again with a baby boy and was so happy. 3 weeks ago, i had a stillbirth and don't know how to deal with this. this is too much for me...both of my innocent baby boys had their lives taken away for no reason. i feel like it's my fault even though i know its not.
For the past 3 weeks, ive been helpless.. i cant seem to pick myself up and i don't know if i will be able to get over this.
what can i do? And what did my sons and i do to deserve this?

Answer 1

I am very sorry to read of the most difficult situation you are going through.The pain and grief you are bearing is unbearable.Kindly accept my sincere sympathies.
My family and myself will say a very special prayer for you and your family, so God gives you the courage to shoulder this great loss. I understand you may have got many comforting replies,but still you will always feel the pain.After all you have carried them both for 9 months. But God's plan for us is full of mysteries.We as mortals fail to see through his divine ways.Trust in God,dear have faith,it will take some time for you to get over this tragedy.
But still looking to the positive side of life,look at the smiling face of your cute little girl.She needs your love ,your attention,your smile to brighten her day. Life has to go on.
I will suggest you do some good reading.Read some books on positive attitude,spiritual books will help you relax.Spend time out with your daughter,play some games with her take her to a park it will help you to unwind.always remember to pray to God.He never forsakes his children.
God Bless you and take care.

Answer 2

As I man I can only imagine how this makes you feel, but I deeply and sincerely feel for your situation. Just know that this is not your fault. You're doing a wonderful thing by trying to bring a baby into this world. Please don't be discouraged when things don't go as you planned because you did everything you could and that is the best anyone can do.

You are very lucky to have a wonderful daughter and she needs you right now. Make sure you continue to see your doctor because your health is important to her and you. Force yourself to get out of your shell and to spend this time with your friends and family because you need to fill this period of time with things that will make you stronger. Do not grieve alone, because the people that love you are grieving with you and together you can all make it through this.

Answer 3

Please try to focus on your little girl. I know the loss of your sons must be breaking your heart, but she deserves all the attention and love you can give her.

I don't know if you'll hear this the way I mean it, but it isn't about "deserving" what happens to us. Things happen and we either deal with them, because we are strong enough, or we don't deal with them, because they are too much for us.

You don't say anything about the father of these children. Is he around? Is he helping you at all? He needs to be there for you as well, so you both can comfort each other and look after your daughter. You also don't relate what the doctors said after your second son's stillbirth, about the cause.

Just please don't forget (in your grief) you have a daughter who needs you very much. You have to be strong mommy for her. And maybe that will help you get through your grief. I know you're suffering terribly, and I am so sorry for your loss, but don't make your daughter suffer too.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your unspeakable losses. No one can say you or your babies deserved what happened. There are so many things in the world that are heartbreaking and make no sense. I would advise that you go into grief counseling to get some practical help, not in "getting over" your lost children, because you will always grieve them, but in how to live and function well through and because of your suffering. Please, be patient with yourself because grief is a process and you will sometimes feel all right and sometimes horrible as you move through it. But you owe it to your family and your little daughter to take advantage of any possible resources for healing. Don't wait. Blessings.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry. I just, I don't know what to say. I have a son, and I don't know what i'd do if I lost him.

Sorry for your losses. Please try to remember it's not your fault.
Please stay strong for yourself (you're young, you've got a LONG life ahead of you), your daughter, and the rest of your family and friends.

You shouldn't forget about your sons, and get over them completely. Of course this is something you can never get over...You'll always love them; dead or alive.

You should try therapy, or find some activities you like to keep your mind off of those terrible things, and to keep you happy and entertained.

Don't flush your life down the drain. Good luck, and stay strong!

It's NOT your fault...Nothing makes sense these days. Please just remember that you have so much to live for and look forward to. Keep praying for your son's souls, and pray for yourself and your family. You can make it through this, I promise you. It will take time, but you can do it.

Please know that your sons want you to be happy. Do it for them, do it for yourself, do it for your daughter.

Try to find happiness and self worth.

Answer 6

You didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. There are no words to comfort a grieving mother. I am a christian, but cannot understand why God would let this happen. Your family and friends are grieving with you. Let them help you through this. There are also support groups especially for grieving parents or counseling could help.

Answer 7

All I can say is I just prayed for you and maybe see a doctor and be very honest when you go to one. You or your sons did not deserve this, I know you will never forget, hold your baby girl and give her all the kisses from her mommy and her brothers. You may not believe but I believe God rasies our children in heaven and they are very safe.

Answer 8

You are living my worst fears. I am at a loss of what to say, but my heart aches along with yours over your loss. I will say a prayer for you and your daughter. I hope you are able to keep a happy face long enough for your daughter to witness. it's got to be so hard trying to keep that happy face but remember when you go to bed at night SCREAM your lungs out and cry to your content in your pillow.

If you are really looking for someone to give you good advice then I mine would be to talk to Priest or Minister of your religion and I know for a fact they will be able to ease some of your pain and give you some sort of answer or speach for you to get by in the days/years to come.

May God Bless you always along with your Daughter and your son's whom he decided that he needed back so soon.

Answer 9

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. I am so, so sorry for your losses. How terrible for you. I would strongly suggest counseling. It got me through a late miscarriage and really helped me get over that bad point in my life.
Counseling can be from a priest/rabbi/minister or a psychiatrist/psychologist/social worker.
Please contact someone right away. You need to find a way to get past this, especially for your beautiful little girl...
Good luck and email me anytime: [e-mail]...
God bless.

Answer 10

you and your family are in my prayers. you and your sons did nothing to deserve this and i know you've probably been hearing that over and over and it's falling on deaf ears because you don't believe it.

i don't know what your walk with God is or whether you have one, but if you do, i suggest you Let Go & Let God. He has His reasons for everything and His timing is perfect. We don't always like or understand it, but one day we will..

hold on and cherish the moments you have with your baby girl

God Bless,

Amber