a quickie to start off your weekend :)?

Question

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

Answer 1

wth..LMAO-> +10+

Answer 2

What Gender is it?
Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water
Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Answer 3

Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His teenage son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Apparently Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said,
Get your hands off me, bi-tch! I'm married!"

Moral of the Story

Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing to your wife when you are Drunk - PRICELESS!

Answer 4

40th Wedding Anniversary

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Answer 5

lmao!!!! You sound like my hubby! If he were home he would be roflmao!!! This is a great one to start the weekend off with! Thanks!

Answer 6

lol jeeze lol check ya later ♥

Answer 7

lmao

Answer 8

hahahaha

Answer 9

rotflmao
gotta tell me mum that one!

Answer 10

ohhhh

Answer 11

hehe. that made me laugh