how do i help my mom and myself through her last weeks...?

Question

or months - she has stage iv cancer

Answer 1

I am so sorry about your mom. I know what it feels like and I know how hard it is. I don't know if there is any "right" answer and it differs for everyone.

For your mom...from a general standpoint I think It depends on what stage of dying she is in (http://www.seedsofknowledge.com/dying.html). You have to meet her at the place she is in and help her at that point. For alot of people (my dad included) they are in denial. That is a hard place to be at because you have to "pretend" everything is okay. Then again, I have never had cancer before, so I would imagine that it is alot easier to deal with than waking up everyday with that realization there to greet you.

For yourself...I would suggest a support group (people that have been through this are very good at helping AND listening). You can find a place close to you here (http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/support/organizations). I think it would be great for you to find someone to be able to talk to about all of this and know they have been there. It is hard and I know what you are going through. I sympathize with you completely and my thoughts are with both of you!

Answer 2

Not at all for the points,,, or even regard for my answser, but I totally empathize, and have endured what you go through.

My best advice/suggestion would be,,, Don't grieve before the fact. Make every remaining moment a lifetime. Celebrate HER and the love that has been the bond since she gave birth to you.

Even in an end that is imminent we can smile, recall joy, and experience those, until our final breaths.

I have no idea of your age, hers, or the bond that exists, but for you to ask this tells me of the love and respect shared.

Do not dwell on the disease, or even the end,,,She is well aware of it already. Also do not solicit pity, from her or others,,,as in,,WHAT will I do without you. She already bears enough pain and guilt.

Wow this is a hard knock, and I am feeling the emotion, but I suggest the above. If you both have a faith system, talk about that. If you both enjoy sharing anything of mutual interest,,,do those things. The cost now will reap rewards after, for you, on soooo many levels.

None of us are promised any specific time,,,IE: new borns who aren't taken home from hospitals, but go directly to a small white coffin. The time we have here, on Earth, involved in this life, are the most precious moments we can know,,, Create the past and present moments, with your Mom, and just LOVE her.

Rev. Steven

Tears

Answer 3

Do you have Home Health Care in your area? Or Hospice? I went through this with my mother. I tried to help my dad take care of her, without a nurses help. I was so wrong and didnt realize it at first. Nurses have training and know the signs to look for. Moms last 3 wks I got a nurse. When mom was rolling in bed I thought she was just uncomfortable. The nurses knew it was more then that, that she was really in pain and they needed to up her medicine. I felt so bad wondering how many times she had been in pain and I didnt know it. I wish I could tell you how many different things like this happened. The nurses knew what to look for and what she needed, I didnt. While she is in bed talk to her, read to her, always let her hear your voice and know your there. My kids would sing songs, or tell mom about there day and record them for me to play to her while they were at work and school. Keep your strength up, make sure you eat and get your rest. IF you get yourself down you are no help to anyone. My mothers last 5 days we put her in a nursing home. I told my mom we would never do this. I had to, to save my dads health it was getting to be to much for him. We were given pagers to keep in contact. Not only with the nurses but with other family members. Spend all the time you can with her now, if you have things you want to say to her do it NOW, as she gets worse she may not know who you are. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 4

Man... I have been there. The most peace I felt was sitting alone with her and telling her how I feel about her and thanked her for everything she ever did for me. I told her what I would miss about her. I am so thankful for that moment and I will never forget it. Most of all be strong and know this is part of life, and no matter how hard you think it will be without her, you will survive and life will go on. Good luck.

Answer 5

i be attentive to its complicated once you have a newborn and you're so puzzled approximately what to do. additionally there are such multiple docs and that all of them inform you countless issues. (i exchange into informed 5 hours at maximum.) have confidence in your self and your toddler. persist with your instincts as her mom on account which you be attentive to her superb, and in case you're apprehensive she is hungry, you're probable good. At this age, she would be in a position to truthfully be hungry quickly. the type of youthful toddler has a abdomen smaller than a ping pong ball. Its merely now 4 hours, so provide her somewhat extra time. in line with risk you may cuddle up next to her and get some relax. you would be drained with a three-week previous toddler. i think of she would be in a position to wake you up while she desires you. yet once you're quite apprehensive and a pair extra hours circulate via, you ought to probable deliver her to the breast devoid of completely waking her.

Answer 6

Be there for her every day, if possible 24/7. Treat each and every day as though that will be the last day that you will ever see each other. Don't put off doing anything that you want to do, cause you just might not get the chance to do it.

And last but not least...every day, hug her and tell her that you love her!

Answer 7

talk about the good things y'all have been thru and try to encourage her. Be there for her even when things are not going well. I have been there and wish i could have done more of hugging and telling her how much i love her. That eventhough she is going to die, she will always be my queen

Answer 8

We went through that with a friend (mom is a pediatric nurse) and all we could do was to be there for them and let them know they are loved.

good luck and take care

Answer 9

Be there for her, listen to her, and make her laugh! This is important to, remind her of silly things she or you did too. Do things with her if she feels like it, but the main thing is just to be with her.
I did this with my mom and never have regretted it for a second, it was really super hard, but very worth it. Some days I thought "boy this is really hard for me" and then I thought "what about for her?" and this kept me going. It isn't about us, it's about them, for they are mom........

Answer 10

try to keep her comfortable and as enjoyable as possible. look through family pictures, talk about things, be sure to let her know it's ok for her to pass on as everyone will be alright. be sure everyone involved gets closure as well, your mom and everyone else also. it will be hard but it will make things easier. tell her everything you want her to know and be sure, if she's able, she does the same thing. it may make it easier on everyone.