need answer now...How can i handle the situation? Accompany friend to go check up with the doctor...?

Question

My boyfriend was diagnosed with brain tumor 2-3 years ago. He stops taking any medicine and treatment after he thinks he has okay. But, for the past few months, his head feel sick again. It’s just like before, when he was sick. Now, he did not take any medicine because if he did, he easily forgetting many things. Nobody knows about this even his family and friends except me. But, thanks to god, I succeed to persuade him to seeing the doctor. today,now, i want to accompany him to do check up with the doctor. I just want to know what I should do, should I go with him to the doctor's room or waiting outside. What should i say if the results are bad? How can i tell his mother about his illness? (His family doesn't know about that).what the doctor will do?

if he must stay in ward tomorrow, I’m the one who must tell his family. That’s our promise..

i do need some support right now...

Answer 1

I know where you are coming from. I took my friend to the hospital for stomach and esophagus surgery. She is a mother of a 13, a 9 and a new born of 1 year old. She got this cancer when she was pregnant with the baby. They could do nothing for her except treat her with stomach meds, such as indigestion and acid reflux. Because at the time, they could do no real studies until she had the baby. Only after the baby was born did they find out that she had this terrible disease. I took her every single day to her Chemotherapy treatments and then she started radiation as well. All of sudden, unknown to me, she stopped her radiation. I was not allowed in the room for the radiation treatments so had no idea what was happening. She got to feeling better and thought that she was going to be fine.

Please everyone pray for her. He weight now is around 58 pounds. There is not one ounce of meat on her body anywhere and the doctors just sent her home to die telling her there was nothing else they could do for her.

Well, I could go on and talk about her but the best thing to do right now is to pray for here, regardless of what decision she had made.

It saddens me to see the two girls looking at her, crying. The entire family is with here. They have come from everywhere. We are all just waiting. The doctor said that she could go to sleep tonight and never wake up. She is that close to death. But only God knows for sure.

Well, to answer your question. You NEED to go in the room with him and the doctor. If, and I pray they are not, the results are bad, the only thing for you to do is to tell the truth. No matter how bad it hurts, you must tell his mother the truth. I also feel that you should tell his mother as soon as possible. I have just prayed for him and you. God bless you both....

Answer 2

First, whether or not you go in the room is between you and him. If he trusts you so much that you are the only one that knows, I would say he would probably appreciate your support, even if he protests a little at first.

Secondly, I honestly don't think there is anything you can say to anyone if the news is bad. Simply hug him, hold his hand, and be there for him. If you need to say something, you will know what it is at the time.

Thirdly, I am sorry that it falls to you to tell his family. I think clear, simple, and to the point is the best. Don't beat around the bush.

I hope and pray that you will get good news.

Answer 3

Although you are in emotional pain, it's his illness and it's his life that is in danger. ASK HIM what he wants you to do.

Whatever the outcome is, always remember, you are there to help him. It is still HIM who needs to make decisions and is responsible for his own decisions.

If he says "whatever" then I would recommend you accompany him. Being male (and so am I), he means he needs your presence for support.

You might NOT want to be the only one to tell his family if the condition is as bad as you suspect. Have the doctor with you - you do the introductions and let him take over. That way, your promise with your boyfriend is full-filled, your burden reduced, and his family will get the accurate information.

By the way, you'll probably need help yourself going through this with him. Start talking to your friends and family now..... You don't need to share all the details if you don't want to. If you have someone who will just listen to you while you talk... that's probably what you need.

Be strong - seek help - cry if you have to.

Answer 4

It's his illness and his life and death. Ask him if you can accompany him during his visit and ask questions to the doctor. You are not his next of kin and probably do not have the legal right to ask his doctor anything w/o his permission.

You also need to ask his permission to talk w/his family. If he says no, you might want to casually say to his mom, "I think Billy has something he needs to talk to you about when you get a chance" and throw the ball in her court. You could also ask if his mom or close relative could come w/you to the next doctor visit.

It's hard, but as a cancer survivor I can tell you that the patient feels really out of control and it's up to him to decide what he wants done. Good luck to both of you. I admire you for being so supportive of your boyfriend.

Answer 5

Tell his family as soon as you can, whether he wants you to or not, because in the long run, he's family will suffer the loss, if he never said "goodbye", or had a chance to support him.-he may not enough days left for being so naive. My grandma was the same way-had to take medicine for high blood pressure, she stopped taking them after she claimed she "felt better", and without a warning she had a stroke and died, it could have been prevented had she continued taking the damn pills. For now, what ever you think is best go for it, and just say that you'll be there for him.

Answer 6

First please ask him what he wants to do. I cant imagine having a brain tumor. Have u ever tried to find a support group for him? He may need to go to one. They really help a lot of people. Whatever u do, please do not push him, he does appreciate that you care. You seem to be a great shoulder to lean on and encourage him through all of this. It is not wrong if u do not tell his family, if that is his wish. But if he wants u to do so, pls by all means find an appropriate time to sit down with them in person.

We all make our own choices. Make sure that he lets his health care wishes known in either a written statement, or by mouth to others. It is better to have it written out legally, it is called an advanced directive. He can appoint people to make decisions for him, or state what his wishes are. This goes into place if he is ever not able to make his own decision, ie coma, or brain damage or something to that degree.

Goodluck and try to hang in there. Make sure that you too have someone to talk to. We all need someone to talk to.

Answer 7

His family should not be kept in the dark, but it is up to him to tell his family, concince him that he owes it to his family to tell them. Yes, I would go in the room with him and the doctor, he might hold some things back from you. The doctor might want to have another look by a brain mri to se how much it has progressed, Family will find out eventually, they should know. My sister has had a condition for 2 years now and never told any of us, now surgery is required and she said doc told her that it is one in 200 percent chance of survival, of course I fell to pieces when she told me , she lives in Tenessee and I in Hammond In. I wish she would have told me about this when she was diagnoised in the first place, my brother feels that way too, a family should know these things. never at the last minute, the instant shock is way too much to handle. Tell him this please. If he allows you to tell his mother about this, tell her face to face, sit her down, with another family there and she is not to be left alone when you tell her. Just start from the begininning, she might be angry for not being told about this right away, let her know, he did not want you to. You had to respect his wishes. Good Luck to you and your boyfriend and you will get a prayer sent your way from me. God Bless.

Answer 8

when it is time for the doctor to tell him the diagnosis/results, go in and accompany him. it is in times of need like this that tests your relationship with some one.

tell him that you want to be there for him and that you wish to be his pillar of strength. i know this sounds so melodramatic/cheesy but hey, that's what i'd do.

about the family part, there's no question that you guys would have to tell the family. instead of you telling them yourself, tell him that he must face the reality and be there when you break the news to the family. hopefully, all will go well, god willing.

Answer 9

You need to see what he wants and the best you can do is be there. You won't know how you will react till it happens. You just this is (name ) and your son and I are at the doctor and I think you should come down here, she will know and there's no way to do it easy, Good luck You both are in my prayers.

Answer 10

I was going to answer this question but I see there is a lot of excellent advice here.
I do, however, want to offer my surpport and prayers.
Do what you know is best.
Good luck hon, this is a tough one.