I have 2 children with my x-husband, they are 9 & 11. We divorced in 1997. He is now married to my little sister, has been arrested for drug related charges 8 times since our divorce, works out of state & is only home on weekends. He does pay his child support faithfully & has my sister pick the kids up for his visitation times. But he keeps taking me to court, 5 times in the last 8 years. He is trying to get custody. I have physical custody & he has reasonable rights to visitation, but he thinks he can raise them better than I can. I win each time we go to court, I have an awesome lawyer, but it is starting to get expensive. I have paid out a total of $9,000.00 not including the divorce ($2000.00). I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to get him to stop taking me to court. I can't hire a hitman, and I'm not going to let him have custody. The kids don't want to live with him, but they do love thier dad. How can I get him to see that he is only hurting the kids?
2006-07-28 14:01:31 · 21 answers · asked by Feeling Froggy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I have asked for him to pay my attorney fees but the judge wont grant it. I'm at my wits end. His drug charges never seem to bear any weight either. I'm so tired. My kids are too.
2006-07-28 14:09:32 · update #1
First, you must understand yourself before looking to understand him. I dont want to here how long this etc,. just take a time to look at your life, decide what you want for yourself and your children, where does he fit in and move in that direction. Leave the past history out of it because it will be like anchors to you, and stop your forward motion. Release your hold emotionally on him from your heart, see it is ok to receive another and for him to be with who he is with. Find your faith with a God who understands what this is like, and lean on faith and guidance from spiritual(my choice Christb centered counseling). If you don't make these moves you will be in more trouble than lawyers fees, and your children too. Render his attempts to injure you as insignificant, give the importance to the life ahead of you.
2006-07-28 14:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by ? 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
is there any way you could move about 100 miles a way? If you could you could get a little peace.. I think not real proud of your sister who married you x that really stinks..man you are having a bad time for no good reason. I know this might sound nuts but i know someone who told her x don't pay child support sign this paper that you will let me adopt the kids and than you are completely free.......wow that saved her a lot of hard times and her x was happy not to pay support. He has not even seen the kids for over a year now.
2006-07-28 14:11:59 · answer #2 · answered by butterflyfrills 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Document everything. Every telephone conversation, every interaction, everything your kids say and how they feel before and after their visits. Record dates and times. Even document your interactions with you sister - anything to do regarding your kids and their well-being. Keep detailed records of the times he is out of town and any time visits are cancelled. You get the idea... Document everything.
It would be hard for him to get custody of your children with his drug charges as well as him working out of town. A judge will not place children with a parent's spouse (your sister) over their own biological mother.
As the kids get older, they will have a say in where they want to go. Any judge will take their input into consideration. There's no sense in trying to get him to see he's hurting the kids. Ego doesn't care.
Oh, and prayer works too.
Good luck with it!
2006-07-28 14:18:13 · answer #3 · answered by turtlewoman2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your ex sounds REALLY stupid. Legally, there's not really that much you can do, short of getting him thrown in jail somehow for a long time, like 9 more years. As the children's father, he has a right to argue to see them. He probably won't win, but doesn't sound smart enough to understand that. The best thing you can do is somehow talk to your sister and see if she can't talk to him. She might be able to talk him out of going to court again. This court thing can't be cheap for him either. Maybe, the next time he takes you to court, your lawyer can ask for more child support, to help defer the cost of his constant law suits. Afterall, it is becomming a cost to continue your custody of them. Good Luck.
2006-07-28 14:11:26 · answer #4 · answered by bigchin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some other type of visitation schedule would satisfy him. If not ask him what you could do, other than letting him have custody, to get the court battles to stop. How does he expect to get custody with 8 drug charges on his record anyway.
2006-07-28 14:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by LHM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work out an extended visitation agreement. In your opinion he is hurting the children. How...by showing his children he loves them and want them in his life...whoa...what damage. The truth is its hurting you cause you are afraid one time the judge will see his way and award custody. You do not know if your ready to handle that. If you want to prevent it then negotiate an extended visitation agreement. Working it out on an adult level is much better the spending all that money in the courts
2006-07-28 14:09:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would your sister marry such a jerk? That's gotta be awkward at holidays!
Well, I guess you could try getting your sister to talk to him and get him to see how much it's hurting both of you and the kids.
I don't know, some guys just don't want to see logic! My ex owes me $103,000 in back support! That's just for two kids!! So, I feel for you, even if the situation is a little different.
Just hang in there, babe!!
Much Love!!
2006-07-28 14:09:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counter-sue for full custody with no visitation based on the pattern of drug use. If he does not get the message then speak to the judge concerning the legal harrassment. Also, during next case you win ask judge to assess him your legal cost.
2006-07-28 14:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by jgcii 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He married your sister? That's awful!
I don't know much about the legal system but it sure sounds weird that he was able to take you back 5 times. What's the point of even going and getting a decision?
2006-07-28 14:08:23 · answer #9 · answered by kogirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your lawyer and the other legal personnel involved are glad you guys are still litigating. with that said, your lawyer should tell the court that he has 8 drug related charges and that repeatedly taking you to court borders on malicious prosecution. i don't know where you live, but in some cases, the loser has to pay lawyer's fees. good luck, babe.
2006-07-28 14:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋