Is it wrong for me to be angry?

Question

My fiance and I have three kids. The eldest two are 8 and the youngest is 10 months. Our baby does not sleep through the night...actually to put it in a nut shell...he doesn't sleep. We both work, but because his job is more demanding (he works in a slaughter house, uses knives, and equipment that requires focus and attention) I always end up staying up with the baby. Believe it or not, I don't mind.
My big peeve is that lately he has been going out after work, and not coming home until the kids go to bed. leaving me with the responsibility of taking care of three kids, working part time and doing all the the house work. The other day I had an opportunity to go out to the BINGO with my sister. When I told him, his answer was " well, you know the baby doesn't like me, and what am I supposed to do about dinner". I didn't end up going out. I have not had one day away from the kids since our son was born.
Is it wrong for me to somewhat be mad?

He is able to cook and take care of the kids, he just doesn't "want to".
He is also very loving, and is not controlling or abusive...I am just feeling "tied" down

I need some ways to approach him without attacking him verbally. He is a good Dad.
Any suggestions?

Answer 1

show him this on Yahoo. Maybe he will see how you feel better that way.

Answer 2

Let him know that you both became parents together, not one parent and another part time babysitter! Tell him that it's not fair on you, or the kids. They need their Dad. If the baby doesn't like him, get him to play with him, and baby will come around. Have a parents meeting with him, and explain what you're feeling, but try not to accidentally make anything sounds like an accusation, or he'll close down. Having weekly parents meetings are a great idea to get everything out in the open. Good luck, just have a chat to him, and all should work out fine!

Answer 3

I have two suggestions. The first one is if it's possible try to get a babysitter for a couple of hours and you and your fiance go out together. Sometimes it's important to get time away with your sig.other and reconnect, even if it's just McDonalds.
My second one is, make a casserole one day and put it in the freezer. Make plans to go out and when he tells you the baby doesn't like him, tell him that's why you're going out, so the baby has a chance to bond with him without Mom around and that you have dinner taken care of all you have to do is put the premade casserole in the oven. Don't make it sound as though you're desperate to leave, that's when they always have "things" they have to do. Make it sound as though you're leaving the house for a little while for HIM!!(That always works with my husband!!)
Also, remind him that your sex life will be a better that night if you get a few minutes by yourself to relax. You know the s word works wonders for men!

Answer 4

no its not wrong at all for you to be mad i would be having a melt down as for not controlling he sure controled that going out to bingo thing didnt he?the baby might (like) him more if he spent time with the children.as for dinner the next time that question comes up hand him the phone and tell him call for pizza as you are walking out the door.some say its should be 50/50 but truth is mom is the one that goes the extra steps but dad has to be there too.think of your son is this the way you want him to think men behave?i have 4 sons and when they were growing up i always kept the thought in my mind that one day they would be men and they had to see a positive role model and if your doughter grows up watching this she might look for someone like dad to marry now i ask you is this the way you want your little girl to live if not lay down the law this is real life buddy not boys night out and being a father is more than a 5 hour a week job.

Answer 5

Not at all. You have every right to feel angry, as he's not pulling his fair share of the responsibilities. It sounds like you need to sit down and tell him how you are feeling very under appreciated and tied down. My husband goes out to play pool on Tuesdays (and sometimes Saturdays for Tournaments) and I go every Thursday night to Bingo, and once a month on a Saturday to a friend's house to scrap book. Every parent needs a break to remain "fresh" in their prosepctives. It's not fair for him to have all the "fun". It sounds like he's being selfish right now, but you might be sending the unintentional message that you "don't mind" b/c you are the one who gets up with the baby all the time. If he's loving and caring as you describe, he should have no problem sitting down for this conversation and truly hearing your needs. I have a feeling you can work this out. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well, sometimes we often think kids are the burden. However, we should look at positive way. Kids are the precious things, and we should enjoy while we can.

Yes, we sometimes lose many of our personal free time because of our kids. However, as husband and wife, they should not have fight because of kids.

I think you should put yourself in his shoe, maybe you will understand more. I know it is hard to do it, but you have to try.
Especially nowadays, the position of women has been raised, and more often women have rights to complain. However, this is problem of marriage, if either one does not want to give up, it will end up divorce and guess who gets hurt the most? -- the kids


Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love


May God bless you and your family

Answer 7

you have every right to be mad. what you should do is make plans and then when he comes home one night you tell him where the kids are and tell him that you are going out. don't even wait for him to answer, just walk out the door. It worked with my husband. It shouldn't matter what his job is, a job is a job and it sounds like you do more work anyways taking care of the kids, the house, and going to work yourself. Kudos for doing all of that!

Answer 8

I think you have a right to feel mad in this situation. I think you need to sit him down and voice your frustrations and tell him that you need equal time off, after all the children are equally both of yours. Tell him he needs to stops going out after work except for maybe once a week (you also get equal amount off) and come home and help with the children. Tell him they miss seeing him. Also, mention to him the baby will never grow to like him and feel comfortable with him until he begins to spend wth him. Good luck!

Answer 9

That's not right, it should be 50/50. Tell him hes making excuses & hes not being fair. If he gets a break tell him you need a break.Get a babysitter & both of you go out & talk or no one goes out. I f he says the baby doesnt like him tell him because the baby senses that hes neglecting him.

Answer 10

If he is their father he has to share the responsiblity if he wants to go out as well. Children are a full time responsiblity and he has to realize that money is only part of taking care of your children they need their father to grow up as normal as possible and not hate him when they get older. TELL HIM to be a GREAT father and share this wonderful experience they are not little forever and he should want to be part of their lives!

Answer 11

ok, for real, my normal answer to this question would be,

"SMACK THAT **** UPSIDE THE HEAD (with the baby, for extra kudos) AND WHOOP HIS A.SS. THAT B.ASTARD CAN COOK BUT HE. DONT. WANT. TO?!????!? OH GIRL, NO LAZY-A.SS HUSBAND GONNA SKIP OUT ON HIS BABY DUTIES UNDA YO ROOF"

...but you said he works at a slaughter house... good with knives... so um, rephrase that answer, but a little nicer, yknow? if he gets free time, you do too. (could get a babysitter) but uh, dont wanna piss off the guy with the weapons.