How do I explain to friends and family effectively that because I work nights, I SLEEP days?

Question

I've worked a graveyard shift (11p-8am) for years now. However, my wife, my friends, and other family still seem to have no clue as to when it is appropriate to call, come over, invite me to events, etc. I love my job, but I can't seem to get through to the daywalkers how important a good day's sleep is to me. I would also be interested in any scheduling or other tips from other veteran night shifters.

Answer 1

I would start with your wife. I have worked nights for 20 years and though I can always turn off the phone, darken the room, and put up signs for neighbors,etc, I could never keep my husband from waking me up for silly things or when he thought I had had "enough sleep". Frankly it took getting angry with him, as he has never worked nights and has no idea how it feels. You could also on your time off, spend the night awake and continously wake up your wife as an example of how it feels.

Answer 2

I have worked the night shift forever now. I know what you mean. Three survival tips....1. Tell everyone not to call until after three pm. Shut off your phone if necessary. 2. Sleep with the TV or air conditioner on to drown out extraneous noise. 3. Stick to your guns!
Another thing along this line is family and friends have never gotten the idea that I have to work every other weekend. That is just the law. Week days would be fine to schedule festivities,too!

Answer 3

A lot of people have given you really good advice already.

Most importantly, you need to get your wife on your side. Were you married before you started the night shift, or did you start that shift after the marriage?

If you worked graveyard before the marriage, she should know by now that you are not going to change your schedule to suit the rest of the world. Remind her that you are making darn good money right now, and ask her if she wants you to take a humongous pay cut just to suit the day schedule. Describe specifics. If you own a BMW, tell her you will have to trade it in for a barely-running clunker. Mention that she might have to start clothes shopping at the Goodwill if you have to switch to a lower-paying day job.

If it isn't the money, then try a safety issue: "Honey, I love you very much, but if I don't get enough sleep during the day, I won't be alert enough at work. I could get hurt or killed. You don't want to end up a widow, do you?"

Buy a phone or caller ID box that has a flashing light. Then shut the ringer off, and your wife will know that the phone is ringing when the light starts flashing. If your local phone company offers a voice mail service, try that instead of an actual answering machine. Messages are stored at the phone company, and when your wife checks messages through the phone, nobody will be able to hear them but you.

Set aside some time during the day to socialize with friends and family. It can be in the morning before you go to sleep, or it can be in the early evening before you go to work. Be consistent, and once you pick a time, don't change it. If your family is more likely to want to talk to you in the morning, then stay up after you get home from work till about noon or 1pm. If they are more likely to want to talk to you after they get home from work, then go to bed as soon as you get home, and get up a few hours early. Socialize with them between 6 or 7pm, then go to work.

Try emphasizing the importance of your job. Subly suggest the day-timers are being a bit selfish, especially if you job is in one of the helping professions like health care, law enforcement or security, or firefighting. Appeal to greed...they wouldn't get their morning newspaper if *somebody* (namely you) didn't work the whole night to print it up and deliver it to the stores.

If being nice fails, be a jerk. When people call you out on it, state bluntly that you are grouchy because you only got 3 or 4 hours of sleep because nobody respects your job or it's schedule. Then go overboard with the nice when they stop interrupting your sleep schedule.

Most people aren't interrupting your sleep because they are inherently rude, they are just ignorant of how hard it is to have an alternative schedule. Most of them have never experienced it, so you may have to exaggerate your responses to them for a while.

Hope these tips help a bit. Good luck!

Answer 4

My husband has worked midnights for six years. It's important to get your wife to understand that you need to sleep during the day so she can run interference with the rest of the family and friends. Wake her up at 3:00 in the morning by calling her from work a few times, that will give her an idea of what it's like for you when the phone rings at noon.

Answer 5

I work the graveyard shift from 10:30-7:00 at a nursing home and I feel your pain. What I do is turn my answering machine on low enough that I can hear it. My messages states that I work nights and for folks to leave a message. Also, my family is understanding(it took them a minute!), and they respect the fact that I work overnights. Also, on your nights off, see if you all can get together. Good luck, hon!

Answer 6

I was a security guard for nearly 3 years at a residence for mentally ill people. (I am a female). I worked there alone 11pm-7am. My wife, family and friends never really got used to my odd schedule and I found it annoying! I turned down invitations to get - togethers, hated going shopping during evenings... I also had a DAY job which was really making me tired in top of it. PLUS I have sleep apnea (a sleep disorder where you're always tired from not breathing during sleep). I was tired, cranky and hated going anywhere. Just pick a day off and spend it with someone you love, doing things together. Rotate it or just grab time with loved ones whenever possible. Stop by their place after work with doughnuts before trudging off to bed, or have everyone meet at a restaurant now and then on a night off to catch up and get together. It's not easy. I always turned OFF the bedroom phone during sleep time and I YELLED at those who disrespected my right to rest. My wife's father typically called here an hour after I went to bed! I gave him 10 kinds of hell.

Answer 7

Used to work 24 hour shifts on the ambulance, no one ever undrstood that I needed to sleep for the majority of the next day to feel normal. My dad would call first thing in the morning, my brother would call and tell me I didn't work the day before so I shouldn't be sleeping, etc. etc. The only one who wouldn't call was my employer. I turn the ringer on my phone off until I wake up.... If it is important enough, they can call my husband.

Answer 8

1) Don't answer the phone and get a silent answering machine. Your message should state that you sleep days because you work nights, and that you will return their call "as soon as possible." That's a nice phrase you can take to mean "when I feel like it." People who abuse your sleep time and call during the day get their messages returned later and later. They will get the message.

2) Don't answer the door during the same time period.

3) Politely decline invitations at inappropriate times with something like, "Thanks for thinking of me. Are you having any events at a time when I will be awake?" This will help raise awareness.

I worked overnight all during grad school. Fortunately I had a considerate roommate. I also had a cold most of the entire time (2 years). :o(

Answer 9

Make it perfectly clear when it IS and IS NOT ok to contact you. Tell them if they contact you about something stupid in your sleeping time there will be hell to pay.

You are just going to have to back it up. You are going to have to come down hard on some of these repeat offenders and that is all there is to it. However if you are make it perfectly clear in advance when and when not to contact you this won't be an issue.

I like some of the other advice about not having the phone ringer on, the signs. And yeah, your wife is going to have to back you. Anyway - why isn't she acting like your deputy? Why isn't she looking out for you? She should be screening calls for you when you are sleeping.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Call them at 2:00 or 4:00 a.m. to discuss the things they call you for during your daytime sleep hours. It should not take too long for them to get the hint. When I worked that shift (a long time ago), I always took three "naps" instead of sleeping a full 7-8 hours. It worked for me.

Answer 11

You could turn off all your phones in the house--that would at least cut down on calls during the day.

As far as those who just haven't caught on yet, here's one threat that always worked in my house:
My parents were of the early to bed, early to rise lifestyle, and when anyone would call late at night and wake them up, they simply reminded them that due to work, their schedule is different than other peoples. They always offered to call them back when they got up for work--at 3:30am.

You could just remind people that your schedule is different, and that if they need you to, you can call them on your lunch break (which is probably at 3 or 4am). When they react with shock, tell them that you calling them during the middle of YOUR day (while they are sleeping) is exactly the same as them calling/visiting during the middle of their day.

Tell people that the best times to reach you are on your days off and that other times, you can contact them if you need to talk.