Every Friday, my cousin's kids (let's call her Carol) spend the night at my other cousin's house (let's call her Jill). They are sisters. Jill has been going bar hopping every Friday with her friends and I have no idea what Carol does. Jill will call me up every Friday and ask me to baby sit one of Carol's kids. I usually say, Ok. It seems like the only reason I go over there is to baby-sit. Carol has a day job and I don't know why she can't watch her own kid. She's called about five times today and I didn't answer any of them because I didn't want to baby-sit tonight. Does it sound like I'm being used? Am I wrong for ignoring her calls? Sorry if this sounds confusing.
2006-07-28 11:40:56 · 29 answers · asked by I don't know 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks for all the replies. No, I don't get paid. I think the closest to a payment I get is being able to eat some of her food.
2006-07-28 11:49:24 · update #1
The kids are 14, 11, and 4. The other two basically watch themselves but the 4 year old is the only one who really needs it. I don't think the older kids like to be left alone so they're always there too. None of them have behavioral problems and their house isn't a dump.
2006-07-28 11:59:30 · update #2
Sorry to say, but it does sound like you are indeed being used. You are not wrong for ignoring her calls, although a more effective solution would be to tell them that you are willing to babysit once in a while if it's an emergency but you do have a life and if they can afford the weekly night-life expedition they sure as h e l l can afford to pay a babysitter. You can not let yourself be taken advantage of. Sometimes you just want to give a hand and they end up taking your whole arm. Be strong. Sounds cheesy, I know, but the solution is "Just say NO!" .... Look at it this way, it's for their own good. :)
2006-07-28 11:54:12 · answer #1 · answered by Dante 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are a dependable yes, you are going to continue to get asked.
But my question is, doesn't Carol have a problem with expecting Jill to be the one watching her kid, when in reality you are? And if Carol is paying Jill, is Jill paying you?
If I were you, make some of your own plans for the 3-5 of the next 6-8 friday nights. And when you get called, simply say "I'm sorry, I already made plans."
2006-07-28 11:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by Chris H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you're not wrong for anything. in fact-- you're TOTALLY right. these aren't YOUR children, they're theirs! hun-- i think YOU should be the one going bar hopping and living your life up, because you don't have any children. when you have children, whether you were ready or not too-- that child becomes your life.
no one should push their child onto other people, family members or not. you can keep ignoring them, don't feel bad for it-- but there'll come a time where you yourself will have to tell them to their face that you're no longer available as a babysitter. you need to be upfront and honest with them-- and don't be all nice nice and tell them excuses.
say "look, i'm no longer babysitting anyones kids. i have my own life too worry about. these are YOUR children and they need YOU more than anyone else to take care of them and love them. put them first. i'm done babysitting."
or something along those lines. just don't be like: "oh well, jill...uhm...i don't think i can watch the kids tonight, you know? i mean i just have a lot going on, but maybe next time or something."
hopefully those examples made sense. lmao. but just put your foot down @ the end, because you can only run and hide for so long. lol. good luck sweetie! i hope this helped!
2006-07-28 11:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by jetters007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It s understandable that the girl wants to go out. Break from the job, from the kids. But She has a responsibility to them first. Hw old are they? is the house a wreck? Do the kids have behavioral problems? They need Mom to be at home.
You, on the other hand, have a your own life. Don't just ignore her. Tell her. Tell her you can't. She's not really taking advantage of you, just your kindness. Now, if she makes you feel guilty because you're family. well, then I would say yea, she's definitely taking advantage of you. Your kindness is not weakness. Tell Her.
2006-07-28 11:55:59 · answer #4 · answered by theenormusnorm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are being used. If Jill can't take care of the kids as she promised, she shouldn't say yes in the beginning. As for Carol, these are her own children. Unless she's disabled, she should be taking care of them herself. It is not wrong to ignore Jill's calls. I always ignore my relatives calls because everytime they call me, they ask me to do something. I hate it when they don't even say "thank you" after you've done the work.
2006-07-28 11:45:40 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Apple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt your cousin is using you, but maybe it's not totally her fault. If you give her the impression that you enjoy it or that you'll do it anytime, she may just be taking you up on the offer.
Not answering her calls will hurt your relationship. Telling her that you love helping her out, but can't do it all the time will be the best thing you can do for both of you. I have a new baby and I would never ask a family member or friend to baby sit for me all the time. I would be happy for them to offer though.
2006-07-28 11:48:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are totally being used. Call her in a couple days and say "Hey I'd like to hang out, so let's go get coffee on Friday (or something you like)" And that way, you're not ignoring her, and you're seeing her on your terms instead of getting suckered into baby-sitting. Good luck
2006-07-28 11:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lindsay M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say, you know what, I am busy, sorry. Or if you want to take the easy way out, just don't answer the calls and they'll learn to stop depending on you. I take it they're not paying you either.... it doesn't seem fair but if you don't speak up and say I have a limit of once a month, or whatever, then they're going to take advantage of the great help.
2006-07-28 11:44:30 · answer #8 · answered by Angie28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, you are definitely being used. And, let me tell you, family is ALWAYS the ones that will try to get over on you. You are not wrong for not answering their calls, hell, let them find a damn babysitter. How she know you don't have something that you want to do. I don't blame you for not answering the phone, especially if you are not getting paid for it.
2006-07-28 11:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by sr04model 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not doing anything wrong.
Just tell her you have plans.
You have nothing to hide. Just pick up the ohone and say "Sorry I'm planning on going out with my friends tonight."
If she finds out you never went anywhere just tell her your plans were changed to Saturday night.
Keep doing that every week.
The key point is to make sure she understads that you have sh*t to do. Sooner or later she'll come to understand this.
THe only reason she keeps calling you is she thinks you're free.
2006-07-28 11:45:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋