My husband often tells "half truths", is often gone until 2 am in the morning working and rarely helps with

Question

bills. I love him however and have been kind of depressed. I don't know if I'm ready to leave, but I don't want my life to be miserable either. I really could use some advice. I'm making myself sick. What would you do?

Answer 1

There are three distinct entities in every successful marriage:

1. The husband
2. The wife
3. The couple (or family, once kids show up)

Think of it as a three-legged stool. If one leg is too short or too long, the stool is useless.

It sounds as if the "husband" leg is too long, the "wife leg" is too short, and the "couple" leg is missing.

I'd talk to my spouse and see if he is really committed to a loving and rewarding marriage. Ask him if he cares about how you are enjoying your marriage (as an individual). Then ask him about the couple that was created when you said "I do".

If he can't get past his own needs, I'd say he's not a keeper.

Answer 2

Sad to say, but very few jobs involve staying up until 2 AM. I suspect that your depression is not exciting him. I wouldn't accuse him of anything, and neither should you, but it sounds like suspicious behavior to me, and even if it's not, your current state of mind about it is hurting you, which is not what a good husband wants to do. Changing the behavior (for now at least) would help. Changing your state of mind would be a better solution.

Sounds to me like a major breach of trust is going on here, and that's very bad for a relationship. Even if nothing's going on, lack of trust can rip this thing apart.

You might as well come out and ask him what he needs out of this relationship, and what he's willing to give for it... because he's not giving, or getting enough. At the same time, tell him what you need, and what you're willing to give for it, and try to work something out.

Whatever he says, you should seek some help. Being depressed is serious business, and it gets a lot more serious during rough spots in a relationship. It would help if he could come along, at the very least, to provide you with moral support, and to give the psychologist another point of view on whatever problem you're dealing with.

It'll be a tough situation to fix, but it's at least as tough to get out of it, and trying to fix things at least tends to favor mutual compromise, rather than fighting and alienation. Right now you could probably use all the friends you can get. Is he still your friend? He should be if he's your husband.

Answer 3

I guess my question to you is, "Why are you coming to the public "city gate" to say this about your husband? Does he publicly humilate you? You need to tell this to your husband, talk to him---communicate. If he and you cannot "talk" without fighting, then go to a counsellor.

Marriages are not disposable. They are not made of paper or plastic. You can't just throw away a piece of yourself because things aren't going well. This is a "for life" thing.

What do you mean 'rarely helps with bills'? If he's working until 2:00 a.m., he's earning a living, right? He is helping with bills. Do you mean he doesn't sit with you and help you pay them?

Get some counselling. Depressive illness is not something to play around with. Get some professional help and try to put your focus on how to make your marriage stronger, and not on how to tear it apart.

Answer 4

Marriage is give and take, if all he does is take and can't even be honest you need to get out and get a new life. First, discover who you are and what you like before finding a replacement man. Enjoy having fun things for yourself, pamper yourself to a healthy lifestyle, your worth it!!!
There are a lot of losers out there so be careful in the future, Make a checklist. Enjoy your life!!! now kick him to the curb or leave! Just end the heartbreak now.

Answer 5

He's up to something, something bad! Talk to him, and if he's blowing the situation aside, well.... I think he's cheating. Especially when he's not helpin with the bills. I would seriously talk to him, and if thats not working leave him. You might feel ad for the first few weeks but of course u will get over it, and you will one day be proud that you left him. You dont need a man to make you happy, you can only make yourself happy

Answer 6

Get some counselling for yourself. It will help you to see things more clearly and feel stronger about the choices you make or want to make. Please don't sit at home feeling miserable when help is only a phone call away. If you don't know where to go for counselling then ring Lifeline and they can help. Good luck..you only have 80 or so years on this earth and you wouldn't want to spend them being miserable at someone else's expense.

Answer 7

If he's working till 2 AM, then he should be making enough to help with the bills. If he's telling you "half truths" (also known as "lies"), then he's probably not worth hanging on to. Hopefully, you don't have any kids with him. If that's the case, I'd dump him and move on.

Answer 8

You really need to seriously reconsider this relationship. Half truths are nothing but lies dressed up to look pretty. Your happiness shouldn't depend on someone else but if he is making you miserable you would be better of without him. :( Sorry but that is the whole truth.

Answer 9

Finish this chapter of your life right away. Its not going to get any better. Get out of the relationship and get yourself together. It will be painfulfor a while, but after that, you can do something you really want to do, and you may meet someone who appreciates you. Make the break - its the first step.

Answer 10

Being with your husband is not helping you. His disregard for you is probably fueling your depsression. Also, you don't need some freeloader on your hands who won't contribute to bills. Therapy will help, as well as getting free of him. Of course, if you haven't talked to him about this, you must do that first.