He's 11, and I think he should know eventually.
2006-07-28 09:30:42 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He's starting to realize that something isn't right. The man his mother told him was his fater (a 300 pound black man) looks nothing like him, and he's starting to notice.
2006-07-28 09:40:28 · update #1
*was his father
2006-07-28 09:46:00 · update #2
I see people don't really understand the problem here.
I would send him out to the grocery store for some milk and just pack up and move.
If he doesn't get it by now it's time to move on.
2006-07-29 19:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
why would he need to know something like that ecspecially at the age of 11. Its not his fault that he was an accident. It sounds like you are trying to put the blame on him. If you read the Bible at all then you should know that God said "know child is a mistake, they are put here for a purpose." Don't ruin this childs life by making him feel like he was an accident. An accident is when you wreck a car or accidentally spill something not a child being born.. Trust me, if you tell this child that he was an accident he will have serious issues with relationships in the future. If you do decide to tell him then i advise you to seek him immediately counseling. Tell the child I said good luck and may good speed.
2006-07-28 09:38:01 · answer #2 · answered by tnvalleychic05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a huge difference in telling your child that you are his real father and in telling him he was an accident, regardless of whether's he's 11 or 70. What kind of person would ever want to inflict that kind of pain on someone else, especially their own child?? That's truly horrible and selfish, and quite frankly, not only do I hope that the man he's been told is his father is more thoughtful and humane than you are, if that is in fact the case, he's much more of a father than you will ever be.
2006-07-28 09:53:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is 11 and he is illegitimate, I am sure he has pretty much figured out what happened. I'd worry more about the fact that you are a grown man and call your own flesh and blood an accident. Children are not accidents, they are gifts from God and you should cherish each and every moment you have with them, whatever the circumstances surrounding his conception. Just love him and let the rest figure itself out.
2006-07-28 09:41:02 · answer #4 · answered by spikeslady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you ever want to tell your son he was an accident??? No child is an accident. Are you a little resentful? Maybe you should talk with someone who is a parenting/child expert before you make a decision that could potentially shame your child. I hope that your feelings don't effect his feelings about himself and I really don't think that children need to know the specifics of adult topics until they're adults and emotionally ready.
Good luck.
2006-07-28 09:34:37 · answer #5 · answered by headshrinker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should come along with talking about sex, and the consequences of getting a girl pregnant. Make it clear that his life could have been better with a stable regular family, that the adults messed up, and that it was wrong.
The parents made the best out of a bad situation, but your son's children deserve better. Luckily, your son doesn't have to do that to his children, choosing a mate carefully, someone he can live with for his whole life, and raise a stable happy family.
2006-07-28 09:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by Polymath 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not married to the boy's father, he's probably going to figure out that he wasn't overly planned... but to tell him he was "an accident" is just harmful.
I would think, if HE brings the subject up, you should just tell him that no, he was not planned... but that he was the best surprise you've ever gotten in your life.
Being a surprise is nice. Being an accident is just painful.
Edit - Wait... you're a guy? Hmm... then same rules apply... if you didn't marry his mother... I'm sure he's figured it out. Why would you want to hurt him that way?
2006-07-28 09:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wrong to tell your child s/he was an accident. It's been 11 years now and I'm just going to assume that you've been a good parent to him and loving him as if he weren't an accident. It makes no difference now telling him. Not like you can revert anything. It's just going to make him feel like you hate him. It's gonna do more damage to him than you think and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
2006-07-28 09:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by ♥iamsleepy♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An accident? How could you think of him that way? Don't you see what a gift he was to you?Perhaps not,but I would tell him that even though his natural father isn't around(or is he), the best day of my life was when I found out he was on his way and I love him very much no matter what.
2006-07-28 09:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one, because telling a child that they were an accident puts across that you didn't want them. Is that how you felt when she got pregnant, because if you didn't feel as though you didn't want the child, then I don't think the child should ever know.
I have a 4 year old daughter that I didn't plan, granted I was married, but when I was pregnant with her I said she was my oops. But I don't think that I would ever tell her that till she was having kids herself. As an adult they might understand it a little better.
2006-07-28 09:36:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children aren't accidents, they are children who are to be loved and cared for, not hurt with information that is not relevant to their lives. Children are not illegitimate. They are the result of the union of a male and a female. Don't mess up his mind because you have issues with the mother.
2006-07-28 09:39:28 · answer #11 · answered by Genny2ster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋