My husband says its my problem not his problem.....?

Question

I had a big fight with his sister and his mother who have been nothing but a pain to me since i married him, so i finnally decided to tell them off,coz all they did was disrespect me, talk sarcastically to me,and say anything that will obviously hurt my feelings....
as a result his sister threatened me that "i will pay and regret with my life for telling her and her mother off".....
well my husband says its my problem and he doesnt want to be involved with that.

Iam black, they are white.... could that be the reason for all that???
after the wedding we were alittle bit broke,stayed in their house for three weeks, could that be reason too for their disrespect??

Answer 1

to be perfectly honest your husband sounds like a real a**hole. i'm sorry but there's no way i'd let my significant other take that kind of abuse from my family. yes, it's is your problem but it's also HIS problem. your husband needs to defend you. and to be quite honest if your sister-in-law is threatening you like that then maybe you need to tell some authority figure. i'm sure your husband wouldn't like that but your life is more important than some guy.

first off, i'd explain to your husband that you didn't mean to start a fight but you have feelings too. try to make him understand your point of view and not just his family's. second, does your husband exactly know how your mother and sister-in laws are treating you? if not, TELL HIM EVERYTHING. DON'T HOLD NOTHING BACK! and if all else fails, then maybe you need to give him an ultimatum. i know it sounds drastic but you need to do what you need to do.

next, try to apologize to your in-laws. i know you don't see it fair but apologize sincerely and ask them why they seem to hate you so much. maybe it's because the mother didn't want her little boy to ever get married? as for the sister? the mother probably has a lot to do with it. ask them both, straight in the face, why do you hate me so much? what have i done to offend you? because if they don't give you a reason you have no reason to apologize. you can't say you're sorry if you don't know what you've done.

your husband needs to grow up and be a man. he needs to decide if he wants to (as it seems to me) a momma's boy or a man. because a real man wouldn't let ANYONE or ANYTHING stand in his way for true love.

i wish you the best of luck and if you need to you can always contact me.

Answer 2

I would say talk to a priest or counselor or a wise friend. Write down all the issues. Address them to this person. Or even ask more questions on yahoo answers! This is hard for us to answer because we don't know specifically what the fights were about.

What exactly were there comments about? How exactly do they think? What do they expect from you and what do you expect from them? Why would they just automatically start attacking you instead of welcoming you in to the family? What have they done to provoke you and what have you done to provoke them?

Are you absolutely sure you are in the right?

Your husband should not be letting either one of you disrespect the other. When push comes to shove he should be in your corner. However, as his wife you should be making an effort to treat his family like they are your own flesh and blood. I would say arrange a meeting or meal and have the 4 of you try and work it out. Does he have a father or other sibling that will be impartial? Can you bring one of your folks? Try and make two goals - 1) to forget the past and 2) respect each other in the future.

In the mean time I would just try to live a virtuous life and to attend church and to treat your neighbor as you would your self. That way if anyone says bad things about you no one would believe it.

Answer 3

I'm sorry hon, what is the question you are asking... are you right in telling them off? Is your husband wrong for what he said? What to do now?
When family hurts us all we want to do is go after them, and it sounds like that is what you did. However, the way you went around it might not have been the best plan. Are you telling your husband that it's you or them? Well, kiddo, he was born with them, and you.... that is not a fair question. He may love you, and have married you, but asking him to leave his family behind because you had a fight with them is not going to make things better.
What his sister said, sounds threatening. I would be concerned too by what she said. How long ago was this fight? Two minutes, hours or weeks before you asked this question? Give it time to cool off, and APOLOGIZE, not for what you said-because you obviously meant it (unless there are some things you aren't proud of saying, then apologize for that too) but for how you said it and the timing of what you said.
Maybe what you all need is time with a counselor to work through the FAMILY issues. This is not something for just you or them, but all of you together.
I hope that this helps you, remember you catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Remember to smile... it helps everything!

Answer 4

Your husband, at the point of making his vows to you made a promise to love and to support you. He is starting his own family, of course, he still needs to have ties to his now extended family but they no longer hold the importance they used to. You, his new family, need his complete support, love & devotion in order to be successful. He cannot allow anyone to be disrespectful to you. You are his queen!

You need to talk to him to make him understand that. Yes, while you were also disrespectful to his mom & sister (you did yell at them) it was due to the fact that he did not step in sooner and make it known that to be disrespectful to you would not be allowed. He should've told them before, when he first reaized it, when you first complained, that his alliances were with you. He should've told his mother to back off, otherwise, he would no longer let them come to his house, or near his family to disrespect his wife. He and you belong together, and if they cannot accept that, then they have to go.

He should've voiced this from the beginning. Now, that you've exploded, that they'll get worse (they've threatened you) he needs to go with you to their home and make it known that this behavior will only lead to the unfortunate break up of the family.

Mothers, sisters, family members like them have been known to break up happy marriages, to undermine wives, etc. If he doesn't stop this on his own, then you should leave him. If he's not willing to help you out, you'll be unhappy by his side (he's obviously someone who's unwilling to support you). Try to make him understand, if he doesn't, leave him and keep your mental health.

Answer 5

It IS his problem. You are his wife and he should not have let them continuously disrespect you in the first place. He should have made it clear that that kind of behavior from his mother and sister would not be tolerated. If the shoe were on the other foot and it was your family giving him problems I am sure he would want you to stick up for him!

Answer 6

What a wimp!He is involved and should stand up for you.He should tell his family to back down.It's his family for ... sake.
He is married to you and that should mean that you two stick together,not that he let's you fight your battles alone and certainly if his family is involved.If he doesn't speak up things will get worse cos the sis and mom will spread their hatred among the further family.By keeping quiet your husband is sending the message he is OK with that.Talk some sense into him and if that doesn't work,dump the ...

Answer 7

your husband should have a "talk" w/his mom and sisters about their disrespectful behavior/actions. However, he shouldn't have to pick sides. It sounds like his sister is a punk--for threatening you. If she would behave like an adult about it, then perhaps you could work it. It is your husband's problem, because you are his wife and they are his mom/sister. The only other thing I suggest is that you cut off all relations with them until they make a choice to treat you w/respect and cosideration.

Answer 8

What's his problem he's not supposed let anyone disrespect you, your mom and sister are family but a wife is the starting of your own branch of that family a new branch it's like he has no love for what he has created which is his own version of a family, man what a bum!

Answer 9

I think this is a difficult one. It is really bad manners to be rude to your Mother-in-law whatever provocation you have suffered and you know, if you ask a man to choose, you may not win. You have said your piece. My vote would be that you send them both brief notes of apology, they don't need to be grovelling! Icily polite will do, and then avoid them other than at family events.

Answer 10

i believe it is his problem too.He seems to not want to make mommie and sissy mad at him.He needs to be a man and stick up and stand next you as his wife.He should of not let the disrespect go on in the first place.My husband doesn't talk to his family cause he was standing up for me.Four yrs later he talks to all but one brother and the parents.No evil mother in law for me.I prefer it that way