My mother is very horrible to my sister and I. The more we try to help her, the worse she is towards us. She does not suffer from anything like dementia or alziemers, she has been this way for as long as I can remember. I finally cut off contact for my own mental well being, but I can't seem to shake the guilt. Can anyone offer some advice?????
2006-07-28 08:40:04 · 10 answers · asked by mcnees79 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know exactly what you're going through. My mother was and still is the family monster!!! I left home early because of her. Never feel guilty. It's not your fault. You have a bit of an advantage over me as I was an only child. My support system came from my friends. Some people are just plain mean and there is nothing any of us can do about it. Just live your life and be happy with yourself. If there is anything positive that comes from a situation like this, it teaches us how not to treat people. Take care and good luck.
2006-07-28 08:59:18 · answer #1 · answered by The Mick "7" 7 · 18⤊ 0⤋
She may not have dementia or Alzheimer's but there are other possible mental illnesses. Or it could be basic jealousy. You shouldn't feel guilty. You've done all you can to fix it and sometimes things cannot be fixed. She needs to learn to help herself. If you are a mother just put your entire self into doing for your children what your mother couldn't do for you. If you aren't a mother yet, just take solace in the fact that you are not like her. And one day she will learn to treat you and your sisters like you deserve it. Just stay strong.
2006-07-28 08:45:03 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a mother like that myself. I hate to say that and many people may be horrified and judgmental (mainly because they have never been there), but ultimately the only way you can break away from a person like that is by her death, because that guilt you're feeling is by your relatives taking her side out of fear.
I was 41 when my mother died. In some ways I miss her, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad she's dead. I can finally make decisions without the fear of her overreacting, and I no longer have to fear sitting with anyone who one minute is laughing and joking, and the next she's overreacting like a raving maniac to something you may have said (which will take some time to figure out).
Everyone else, and even those who tended to side with her during many of our issues, finally were able to admit that they did so out of fear.
My father never did much to protect us against our lunatic mother, because he was in fear for his own safety. The most satisfying thing in recent years was for him to finally admit to it, even if he never apologized for it. During the 5 and 1/2 years between my mother's death and his own, he changed to a more open personality, he remarried and the last three years of his life were his happiest despite being afflicted with lung cancer.
Also, too bad that I had to be in my 40s before I was finally free from her, and envy the many people who have lost their parents during the earlier years of their lives. I think that I would have been able to cope better with life had she left my life earlier than she did.
2006-07-28 08:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by imagineworldwide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow are you my sister? lol..sounds like my mom, but um listen this is what i do, i just call her to see if shes allright make the conversation short and only go see her once in a blue moon to see if she really is allright but thats all..and also you might try to learn to accept that is the way she is, just ignore all she has to say to put you down, thats what i do when i go see her...and dont feel guilty, you know they say people should treat others the way they want to be treated so if your mom wants to be a ***** then treat her like one..(with all due respect)
2006-07-28 08:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by sinful vampyra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad. It has nothing to do. It's obvious your mother has a problem that she has or can't deal with so she takes it out on you and your sister. Maybe you can try asking her why she is that way with you.
2006-07-28 08:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize the guilt is irrational and you have every right to limit contact with an unsafe person even if it is your mother.
2006-07-28 08:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by midge 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not you, it is her past that haunts her. Don't feel bad (I know it is easy to say), you're doing your best as a good daughter, but she is the one pushing you away. If she wants you, she knows were you are. People like that, tend to push away those who are the closest to them, thinking that they want to "fix" them or that you know better. You just tried everything possible, now it's time to let go.
However, still check up on her now and then.
2006-07-28 08:42:40 · answer #7 · answered by Phil and Sue O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey.....do not feel guilty ...If she wanted to to come around she would change her behavior....check in on her every three to four years and see if she has changed ....if not ...its her loss , not yours....she will be a lonely old spinster for the rest of her life . You and your sister are not obligated to stay around and take hers or anybody else's abuse.......Live your life as happily as you want to...don't let her drag you down.
2006-07-28 08:48:57 · answer #8 · answered by Ty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just hateful. You did the right thing by just letting go. If she loves you, she'll realize what she's lost. I hope your situation gets better. Have a blessed day!!
2006-07-28 08:44:39 · answer #9 · answered by mizzmisti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love your mom. She won't always be here.
2006-07-28 08:44:22 · answer #10 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋