Is there an appropriate punishment for a 9 year old wetting his pants?

Question

I have a 9 year old boy who keeps wetting his pants because he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He could be reading, playing video games, riding his bike, or any other activity. I have tried making him write sentences, taking away toys or priveldges, my husband has even burned his Yu Gi Oh cards, and nothing works. His pediatrician says there is nothing physically wrong with him he is just being lazy. What do I do?

He doesn't wet himself while he's sleeping, he is WIDE AWAKE when he does it.

He says he knows when he has to go, he just figures he can wait, then in the run to the toilet he looses it. He hides it from us. I don't even know he's done it until I gather his laundry. He has been doing this for about 2 years now. He can go 2-3 months without it happening, then it starts again. No out of the ordinary situations a home either, all is well. I'm really confused. The ADD, ADHD suggestion is a good one though. Thanks...

Answer 1

My son is the same way. He gets so caught up in whatever he's doing that he waits till the last possible second to run to the bathroom ~ and sometimes he just doesn't make it. Punishing will not work. The only thing you can do is remind him to go as soon as he feels he needs to. When he's playing or doing whatever it is that distracts him, get his attention and ask if he needs to go. This will reinforce what you want him to do instead of making him afraid of having an accident.

Also ~ I'll probably get flamed for this one ~ I would suggest having him tested for an attention disorder. My son has ADHD, and it's fairly typical for kids with ADD or ADHD to have problems like this. It's an impulse control issue ~ they just can't stop what it is they want to do in order to do the things they need to do.

~~~EDIT~~~
I am appalled at some people suggesting that you put him in a diaper. Humiliation will do nothing except reduce his confidence. What a horrible thing to do to a child who obviously already has some issues.

Answer 2

Some times kids do this due to stress or as a way to get attention. You might try rewards for making it thru the whole week without an accident. Then on Saturdays he gets a new comic book or cards. Punishment will create more stress. Look at his personal life and yours. Sometimes that is the root of the problem. There is apparently an underlying problem...psychological. Point out that kids will make fun of him if he does that because it will give off an odor. Also, maybe get him a timer...if he is reading he should set it for 20 or 30 minutes. When it goes off he is to use the bathroom whether he feels like he needs to or not...just a reminder to himself to avoid an accident. Give him praise and less tension in his life. He may be lazy, but I doubt that is the real problem.

Answer 3

Is this a current issue or has this been going on for a while and did anything bad happen to him that caused trauma?

When my divorce was finalized and my ex started visitation my son was 8 at the time started wetting and soiling himself and so did my daughter who was then 5 and after a lot of frustration found that it was not laziness and not stubborness but medical and emotional and to this day still have occassional accidents and so on.

one thing that helps is clean his own clothes, or wash own clothes, talk to him and find out why he feels he is going to miss out, ask if something else is bothering him.

something may be going on that the bladder has a problem to for my doctor even put my son on a pill for while because part of his problem was he could not always feel when he had to fo or just could not hold it. dos said some kids will have accidents all the way to adulthood. I have seen 6 docs so far and all say the same thing.

if there is mental health issues this will also be a factor and one wont always be able to see all the signs adhd, obcessive compulsive disorder, narcasism, psychopath and so on even depression could be hiding. Your best bet is to try to retrain him to toilet and also to evaluate for other possible problems.

if you tell hime every two hours to use the toilet and make sure he does it and then after a while it will all be automatic. it defineitly helped with my children.

Now my kids only have accidents when they have been visiting their dad for a long period of time.

Answer 4

Punishment Pants

Answer 5

Find out what the root of the problem is. Is it sudden? Is something going on at school that needs to be addressed? Is there a stressful situation at home? Most of these things will cause a child to regress into this behaviour. Is your child complaining of pain during urination? If so a trip to the doctor may be best. He could have a kidney or a bladder infection. Rule things out before punishment. And even then dont be harsh to them. Sit them down and talk with them. Let them know that wetting their pants isnt appropriate and that they are big enough to get to the bathroom. Your son may also just not be telling you there is something wrong down south that the doctor hasnt noticed. You should really really talk with him.

Answer 6

If there is nothing physically wrong with him, try counceling for you, hubby and your child. He could be depressed. Yes, I said depressed. Have you ever tried to talk to him about his day or how he's feeling? Have you ever asked him why he wets his pants? Has he given you an answer and you were not listening? Go to his teacher and ask if maybe he's being bullied at school or having trouble in class.

It sounds as though he's try ing to tell you something but he doesn't know how to express himself. Find a family psychologist and book an appt asap. You all need it. I find appauling that you would punish him for this. Burning his cards? That's way outta line! You can't treat the symptoms if you don't know about the disease.

Answer 7

When I was younger I would never come inside the hous eto go potty because I was too busy playing hide and seek outside with the other kids and I'd end up wetting my britches. I grew out of it, but try these two things. First, understand kids like to play so try sitting down with him and talking to him. Tell him that you know he likes to play but mommy gets tired of washing his underwear and pants everytime he wets them and he needs to be a big boy and use the potty like his daddy. Now if he wets his pants again after you talk, try this. Make him wear his wet underwear and shorts for the whole day and secondly tell him you will not wash any of his underwear or shorts again until he learns to use the bathroom. He's not a baby so he shouldn't act like one. If he wets all his underwear and shorts and you don't wash them, that's a problem for him.
Be very firm with him but loving. Sometimes it may seem like you're being mean, but us mothers have to do these things otherwise our kids grow up to be adult pants wetters. lol. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

Make him clean up after himself, he cleans the floor, he washes the clothes, and he has to take a shower. All that time he could have spent playing if he would have only gotten up for 2-3 minutes to go to the bathroom, now he was lost and hour or two of play time.

-regarding other answers- embarrisment is never an appropriate form of punishment, it's cruel.

You may try my idea along with what AlloAllo suggested.

Answer 9

I have the exact same problem with my 5 yr old. When I talk to him about it he tells me he just doesn't want to stop what he is doing to go pee. I tried reverting back to the reward system - I give him a small gum ball everytime he does pee in the toilet and when he doesn't I give him a time out. So far this works some of the time. My husband keeps threatening to put him in diapers. However I don't want to humiliate him. I also tried using a simple wind up timer and i set it to ring every hour and that way he has a reminder to go pee.

Answer 10

My daughter who has ADHD did this up until about 8 years old. Mostly she did it at school though. She would wait until the last minute! I told her that I would no longer be bringing her clean underwear and pants. I told her that she needed to go to the bathroom every time they had a bathroom break even when she didn't have to go. That's what we did during the school year. During the summer time, I made her use the bathroom every couple hours. I also made her totally responsible for cleaning up after herself when she had an accident.