My parents are constantly telling me what a poor choice I made for a wife. My wife is constantly telling me how much she hates my parents. Naturally, I support my wife--- but I also love my parents. How can I get the fighting to end???
2006-07-28 08:17:04 · 15 answers · asked by User 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can't, sadly. Just keep them as far apart as possible. Let your parents know that their animosity toward your wife will keep them from spending time with you, since the two of you are a family now, and you won't see them without her.
That should make them tolerate her, at least. And ask her to respect them because they are your parents, and at least be civil.
The time this will get complicated is when and if you have kids. Just hang in there. My husband and my parents do not get along so well, but I have made it clear that they will at least TRY for my sake, and for the sake of our daughter.
OR, my parents just won't see their grandchild, which is unacceptable to them, so everyone does their best to get along. I really wish you luck. I have been married for 10 years. It does get easier over time.
2006-07-28 08:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by ItsJustMe 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your question says you support your wife, but you also love your parents. I'm trying not to read into it too much, but do you love your wife? I had my answer all typed out and when I previewed it that line jumped out at me. I'd like to believe that you really do love her or you wouldn't be asking for help. So here goes.... Based on what little information you've shared here I think
You need to sit down ALONE with your parents and let them know.... You chose your wife because YOU LOVE HER. You know their feelings about her, but you don't feel the same way. You'd appreciate them keeping their feelings about your wife to themselves. You should tell them how much they contributed to your life, and you want them still to contribute, but in a positive manner. If you're a "momma's boy" it might be hard for her to let you go. She might not really hate your wife, but may see her as the person who took her little boy away. Their negativity will only push you away in the end. They need to let you stand on your own two feet. If you fall then be there to help you up if you ask for it. If you have any Christian background you might also remind your parents what the Bible says Genesis2:24Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. You should probably also sit down and talk with your wife. I imagine your wife feels the way she does is at least partly due to her knowledge of how your parents feel. Her feelings should be your #1 concern. Reassure her that their feelings about her are not your feelings. She'll feel some better knowing that. I'd spare her the details of the talk with your parents. If you need to talk more feel free to email me. I'm no Dr. Phil, but my husband and I been through heck with his mother. Maybe something in our experience will help you with yours.
2006-07-28 09:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by pottersclay70 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a delicate situation and the truth is you cannot have another parents but you can have another wife,however the best way out is talk to your wife to respect your parents.Make the two sides to understand your dilenma.Your problem is like what is called the devils alternative therefore donot take side. Most importantly is to
keep both parties apart,may be time would be the healer.
2006-07-28 09:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by danju_ma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing. I have similar issues. First and foremost continue to support your wife. Secondly, tell the people who raised you that they should trust their own child. They should understand that they had a lot to do with the choice you made. They taught you the values that they wanted you to have, and now, they need to step back and TRUST that they brought you up the way they wanted to. It is your life...it is your turn to make your own mistakes....and if they want to continue to be a loving part of your life...they have to let go. You know the old Southern Rock song....."Hold on loosely....if you cling too tightly you're gonna loose control."
2006-07-28 08:27:19 · answer #4 · answered by jeckepps 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably can't. My friend who just got married is in the same situation. You must satnd by your wife though. I don't mean you have to hate your parents, too. Of course, you're not going to do that. But, you married your wife and she now must come before all others. If they're just putting you in the middle, then you should remover yourself and tell both of them that you love them and want them to like each other, but you can't be put in the middle of their squabbles anymore. Good luck!!
2006-07-28 08:23:02 · answer #5 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER, and I mean NEVER share info about either with the other!!! EVER! This is a cardinal sin.
When one or the other speaks negatively about spouse or parent, inform whomever is speaking that under no uncertain terms will you discuss anything ever about the other. Let all concerned know you love them and will only speak in loving terms about each. Stand your ground. No matter what!
If you need a neutral party, speak to a therapist about them so you don't have to bottle up the anxiety.
Good Luck!
2006-07-28 08:22:59 · answer #6 · answered by mrscmmckim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what I would try first. Get them all together and say, "Mom and Dad, my wife is my choice. You don't have to like her but she makes me happy. I would hope that you could respect that. Wife you don't have to like my parents but I will not turn my back on them. I would hope that you could respect that." Then if that didn't work just keep them apart whenever possible. Good luck to you!
2006-07-28 12:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't! Unless you sit them all down and tell them you love them all, but they are stressing you out. They need to at least be civil to each other for your sake or you will be forced to choose between your wife and your family. What do they not like about her? Do they have any kind of semi-good reason or is it just because she stole their little boy?
2006-07-28 08:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would insist that both partys (parents and wife) not mention the other. It would just be a topic that isn't discussed. I mean, forbid it, and mean it. Refuse to get roped into the mix.
2006-07-28 08:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by Taffi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just encourage her to be different and give them love. Love your wife even more.
Just be wise. Do not allow anybody to talk negatively about your wife.
2006-07-28 08:24:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋