i live together with my bf, its been over 1 year since ive moved in, but its been 4 years since we've been together. i dont have a car, im studying, he is self dependent, works on his own, has a degree, is a workaholic in a way, but we are fine together. we usually dont get into huge fights, but every 3 months a big one hits and sometimes i just feel like running out of the house. we are not the type who go out much wiht our own friends, we are very intimate on to ourselves and we enjoy being just the two, but like i said, sometimes i feel like leaving just for a day, no break up, just leave, take a train and visit a town (im in florence) and be on my own. if i ever did that, would that be the right thing? am i escaping the problem or am i just getting my thoughts straight leaving him for a couple of hours, i wouldnt tell him im leaving, i would just leave and cmoe back later on. is that the right thing?? help me please!
2006-07-28 08:15:41 · 27 answers · asked by sueet2b 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Everything you are expressing is quite natural, even healthy.
Many relationships start to turn too inward; almost antisocial after a while. I've been there.
You both should venture out and about on your own once-in-a-while. Everyone does need some sense of personal space, and the tri-monthly "fights" are probably a symptom of cabin fever (it has been shown that if you put two rats in a small box and leave them there for any extended period, the will eat one another).
Don't eat one another.
Open up the relationship and let some air in before it's too late. You'll all three (you, him and us) be the better for it.
2006-07-28 08:25:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Taking a break is not a bad thing. it doesn't mean you are breaking up, it just means you need some time for yourself. That could be why you fight. too much time together. Go visit a friend for the weekend or something. come home and a few days away could be just what you both needed. Try taking a break when you are not fighting that way it doesn't look like you are walking out. If you do leave to maybe go for a walk or something when you are fighting tell him you are leaving but you will be back. If you tell him you are coming back then he knows you are not leaving him.
2006-07-29 20:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by doc_is 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything bad with you deciding to go and be on your own for a day. Just tell him clearly that that is what you want to do and go for it. Go clear up your thoughts and enjoy your day. I think that simply being together with the same person 24/7 is not healthy because you end up with the same perspective as each other and recycling the same issues/problems from the same viewpoint all the time. Go take a breath of fresh air and enjoy coming back to your boyfriend after some time away from him. He should be able to understand this. It is a very normal human need.
Good luck!
2006-07-28 15:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by p.g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone needs space and alone time. i would suggest you talk to him he may feel the same way. that when things hit hard like they do to just go off and blow off some steam sounds like a plan to work out. being on the up and up with each others helps a lot of things. when I was in a relationship it was brought up from the start to never sleep with a problem unsolved but if things heated it to walk away to cool down then come back and work on the problem if it still was present. this we had down to a science. the sad put is that isnt want ended the relationship. anyway I think yes there are times you should get away from each other.
2006-07-28 15:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want honesty right...well that's what your going to get. Talk to him..tell him that you love him, you think ya'll are great an you don't want to leave him..but sometimes after ya'll fight you just need some time to yourself to think things through an figure out why the fight happened. Ask him why he thinks ya'll are having these fights. Maybe ya'll can resolve the entire issue this way an have no more big bad scary fights. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so talk to him. If he loves you which i'm assuming he does. He'll respect you more for coming to him w/ your thoughts..And you two will be cuddling an kissing again in no time... :) GOOD LUCK!! BG
2006-07-28 15:24:47 · answer #5 · answered by BG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
living together doesn't mean having to be w/ each other 100 % of the time.
i would say that if you need a bit of personal space thats normal and will actually remind you how much you enjoy your time w/ your b/f.
i would tell him so that he doesn't worry where you are. I would at the very least say you are going out for a stroll to clear your head.
everyone needs their own time and space. I have nights where i will get coffee w/ my girlfriends, i love my husband dearly and always want to spend time with him. But there are times I need a balance and need some friends, or alone time. He understands that and doesn't take it personally and visa versa.
this helps strengthen what we have. Its not healthy to only be with each other all the time and not have any friends, etc!
2006-07-28 15:24:05 · answer #6 · answered by tara t 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you NEED to get out and make some friends...the reason you guys blow up every 3 months or so is because you don't have anyone to vent to...Not only that but if you had some friends you could go away for a few days with them and come back feeling much more refreshed...you obviously don't have anything really wrong with your relationship...but too much time together can be suffocating...
2006-07-28 15:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by jillymack06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that's a very good solution to a problem... there's a saying that you should nevr go to bed angry. so if you go out and gather your thoughts and think about the problem you just had, at least you wont say anything to your boyfriend that you might regret later on like things that u dont even mean to say.. some loner time is crucial... so that you wont make hasty decisions.. somehow you are kind of escaping the prob.. but at least when u 'll get home.. you wont be as pissed off as when you left, then the problem will be resolved easily if your'e calm..=)
that is the right thing.. you have to let things cool down.. if theyre too hot to fix ..
2006-07-28 15:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by theresa b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The relationships that last, are the ones where you both enjoy time apart. You can't be with someone 100% of the time. If you want to take a day trip, then go...but don't not tell him. By keeping it from him its like you're trying to hide something that you've done like its wrong, and it isn't. Sounds to me like it would be good for you. If you feel trapped and unable to live freely, than your relationship is doomed. In the end, time apart will benefit the both of you.
2006-07-28 15:21:57 · answer #9 · answered by miss_gr8ful 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, thats just fine to do. Its called taking a 'you' day. He ought to do the same thing.
About once every three months or so My wife and I pick out days and just go somewhere on our own. It gives a chance to decompress, pursue our own interests and just enjoy being on our own.
Just set it up with him and say that you are just taking a day for yourself, and sit down with a calender and help him pick a day for himself as well. And then plan the trip and enjoy yourself.
However, as far as the arguments go. Y'all are probably just not talking about the little things that irratate you daily. And instead of handling them, they build up and build up till they explode and you get them all out of your system at once. Try handling the little stuff as it arises rather than waiting.
You sound like you have a really good relationship, and it'll only get better once you start taking a little time for yourself.
Good Luck.
2006-07-28 15:21:26 · answer #10 · answered by cloaked30m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋