I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years and lately (last year or so) have been very angry with her for at the time of my outburst I can rationalize why I'm mad, but upon reflection I realize I'm starting fight on purpose. I have lost a lot of attraction to her because she's gained a lot of weight during our relationship, but I still love her anyway… She’s lied to me about a few things… and basically I find it hard to trust her. Why do you all think I keep flipping out on her all the time? It honestly seems as though I’m picking fights out of no where? I have a hard time making myself leave her… I don’t know why I haven’t left yet but in a way I want to leave. I think in some ways it’s her weight. I love her and I would stay even if she got bigger, but it’s not something I’m attracted to. I’m very fit and eat very healthy/workout so on… she on the other hand eats fast food, and sleeps all day (she’s 35 mind you) and should have a life by now. When I met her she weighed 200, which was biggish but not too bad. Now she weighs over 300! I’m 143 and 5’10…
I don’t know… I love her but I’m not attracted to her and I keep fighting with her out of no where… does this sound like I should leave?
Help
2006-07-28 07:33:43 · 11 answers · asked by Jason 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for all the great answers here. One thing I noticed is suggestion of working out with her and that's great advice. BUT I've tried that over the last couple of years. I go to the gym 4 times per week and run 2 times per week and I've suggested she come a long and we can start slow etc... she tries for a day and then claims some big injury.. Honestly she's so big now that she can't stand for more than 10 minutes. It's just so hard because I do love who she is inside but I'm SO not attrated to her looks... It's causing a great divide...
2006-07-28 07:43:36 · update #1
You starting fights has to do with not addressing obvious issues you have with her. It's all bottled up inside you and instead of addressing those issues you blow up over little things that would not normally bother you. Weight is a big thing, but not enough to leave someone over. Your trust issues are serious but can be resolved.
Seriously sit down and write all the known issues down and decide if your really willing to work through those issues. If you are then address one issue at a time with her. It's going to take time. See if you can get a commitment from her as far as the weight goes and let her know it really bothers you.
If you not willing to work on it, then you have to leave, otherwise these meaningless fights will continue.
2006-07-28 07:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Search in yourself. Anger is normally a result of feeling undervalued. You are 100% responsible for your reactions to other people. You can't change other people. You can only change how much you expose yourself to them.
If you have a list of 10 Can't Stands and she has things in that category (obesity), you might have to go. If you have a list of 10 Must Have's (Activity) level, and she doesn't have that, you might have to go. See Warren's book Date or Soul Mate.
2006-07-28 14:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by Tony T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds to me like she needs some help with her weight. You can't force someone to lose it. She has low self esteem and is probably ashamed of her weight. If you have to pick fights with her, then you shouldn't hang around. I'm sure that doesn't help her feel good about herself. Maybe she needs someone else to talk to about what is really wrong.
2006-07-28 14:51:04 · answer #3 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aw! well yea i do understand where you are coming from! its crazy how a guyz trip over a change in hair color or a hair cut! but weight gain! um...thats an issue. you have to be attracted to someone to want to be with them...no its but or ors about it. my sister was in a relationship that she hadnt bein intimate with and that caused alot of problems. so yea i think its ok to leave her. it may sound a bit shallow to just leave her becuz of her weight but if you guyz arent getting along either then tell her how you feel and move on!
2006-07-28 14:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by lizlatina69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you bothered by her weight because of her outter appearance of her health? If she is overweight(in medical term), you should tell her that you love her, but her weight is affecting her health. Try to work out with her, so that she doesn't feel forced by you. I personally jogging together in the morning also strengthen a relationship.
2006-07-28 14:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by musi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you try being a weight loss buddy with her. help her. this article gives you soe great weight loss and exercise programs and much more. i hope you try with her before you make yr mind up to leave her
2006-07-28 14:39:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel u, she's too big, and she has a low self esteem, tell her what's going on instead of picking fights. maybe u need attention or maybe u feel that in one of those fights just maybe u will break up for good.
2006-07-28 14:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by sourgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really want to leave her that strongly then i would. you might just have to let her go because you can't keep picking fights with her like that. it seems to me that you want to break up with her so i would do it.
2006-07-28 14:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by emile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried asking her to work out with you? If she's not into it, does she have any sport?
2006-07-28 14:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by sharkie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
work it out with her. talk about a diet for her or something and if she doesn't like it then i guess you have too leave her.
2006-07-28 14:39:08 · answer #10 · answered by toonlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋