Almost one year ago my best friend's dad died suddenly of a heart attack one week before her wedding. She of course has put the wedding off. But mine is coming up in spetember...about three weeks after the anniversery of her dad's death. We had been to a friends wedding earlier in the year and I saw how it hurt her to see the bride dance with her dad. So I had decided I wasnt going to dance with my dad at my wedding, because the last thing I want is my maid of honor and best friend to be hurting, i know its going to be hard enough for her as it is. My mom said my dad wont care if we dont do the dance, but the closer it gets to the wedding the more I dream about that dance with my dad. I know I can go without, I dont want to hurt her and I dont want to have any regrets not having that moment with my dad. But would that be selfish? Would I regret not doing it? I dont know weather this if i am making too big a deal out of this. I love my best friend and I love my dad. What do I do?
2006-07-28 07:29:26 · 25 answers · asked by Heather T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would never give up my dance with my dad - and it's not selfish of you not to want to, either. It's horrible that she lost her father, and especially a week before her wedding (I can't imagine how awful that must have been for her), but for the rest of her life there are going to be things that are going to remind her of him, and it's unfair for you to give up a once in a lifetime moment that's obviously important to you. You may want to talk to her about it beforehand, but it sounds like you guys really have a healthy, solid friendship, and it that's the case, I would be willing to bet that she would insist that you have your dance with your dad, and she would be more hurt and disappointed if you didn't because she would feel responsible and guilty. Maybe once you guys start the dancing after all of the special dances you can ask the dj to play a song that would mean something and your dad can dance with her - I know it's not anywhere near the same as having her own dad, but she probably feels like she's a part of your family anyway, and it would probably mean a lot to her. Or she may be the type of person who would be uncomfortable with that kind of attention - you know her better than anyone, so you would know.
Bottom line is that no, you are not being selfish by dancing with your dad, although you are a very good friend to be so concerned about your friend, but yes, you would probably regret it if you didn't have that dance with your dad to always remember.
2006-07-28 10:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding. I think your best friend would be more upset that you didn't do something you really want. You only get one wedding day. Don't give that up. Yes, it may bring up a little bit of saddness in the back of your friends mind. But I think that she would be more focused on your happiness and the moment and day. She'll have a lot going on. I would say "do the dance". It's obvious you want to do it. If she's a true friend, she would want you to do it. Infact, if I was her or read this, I would probably be upset that your not going to follow your wants, because of what happened to her dad. I think you would regret it if you didn't do it. And wanting to dance with your dad is not selfish.
2006-07-28 09:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by Mae V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is more important to you, your Dad or your friend? I'd have to go with Dad, especially on this most important day of your life... and of his! Your friend is sad, sure, but I can't believe she would really hold it against you for you to dance with your own dad! It's such a dear tradition. I would sit down and talk to her before the wedding and just say that you hope she understands how important this is for you, and maybe she could leave the hall for a few minutes if it really affects her. Besides, when she said it hurt her to see your other friend dancing with her dad, did she really mean that she thought the bride shouldn't have had the father-daughter dance just because of her loss? I hope she meant that she was just sad about missing her dad. I'm sure your dad will do whatever you want to do, but I say he's more important on your wedding day than your friend's *possible* bad feelings!
2006-07-28 07:36:57 · answer #3 · answered by Mama Gretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a really tricky situation for you to be stuck in the middle of. My personal opinion is that you should have your dance with your dad, I had mine and it was one of the things that was very special at our wedding reception. It will hurt your best friend but do you honestly think that she wants you to not have that memory. I'm sure that she'll understand. Part of grieving is moving on and no one said that it was an easy thing to do. It's something that I think you should do but if you think it would hurt her too much then you could do without it. You need to do what you think is best, it's your day. Have you tried talking to your best friend about how your considering not doing it, I have a feeling she would tell you to go ahead with it.Good luck and congrats on your upcoming wedding.
2006-07-28 07:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by jessicamarie0572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet all of his life, your dad has dreamed about "dancing with this little girl" @ her wedding. Your friend will get over it. I think you should. It is a once in a life time experience for you and your dad. Your friend may be hurt, but it will eventually fade. It's okay. You'll have that dance as a memory for the rest of your life.....even after YOUR dad has passed.
2006-07-28 10:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Lovliness♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dance with your dad at your wedding. It's very sad that your best friend lost her father, but it wasn't your fault. You can't miss out on one of the most important memories of your life just because her father is gone. Are you going to stop doing other stuff with your dad because her's is gone? You'll regret for the rest of your life if you don't dance with your dad.
2006-07-28 08:15:19 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the reason you are thinking of not doing it but please make sure you think of this from all angles. The time will come for your father to be called home and I think you should take advantage of the time you have with him & do all the special things you can do together such as the Father Daughter Dance. Talk to your friend about it and help her think of a creative way to honor her Father when she finally gets married. Being that she missed out on that important moment with her Dad, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to miss out on it with your Father.
2006-07-28 09:48:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your heart is in the right place, but you should not give up the dance with your father. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity at the most important part of your life right now, a decision that could be regrettable later on down the road. And you could end up hating your friend for making such a sacrifice for her. Your friend's healing process is still in the making, and sheltering her from emotional harm could do more bad than good.
2006-07-28 07:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by tramps3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NO WAY you should give up your father daughter dance at your wedding. If she is your best friend she is going to understand and would NEVER ask you to not have the dance. Your dad raised you and deserves the dance. I appreciate your concern for your friend but this is to special to give up because of her circumstances.
2006-07-28 07:35:45 · answer #9 · answered by SthrnWay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you should dance with your dad. Don't take that away from him, or yourself, because later on down the line you are going to regret it. Its hard for her because his death is still fresh for her, but she can't expect you not to dance with your dad.
I lost my dad 7 months before my wedding, and I cried throughout the whole dance that I did with my brother, and I knew how hard it was going to be, but I don't regret it at all.
She'll understand even if it hurts her right now. Just don't take away the one thing you dreamt of.
2006-07-28 07:42:58 · answer #10 · answered by Scarlett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋