Marriage & Manners?

Question

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl
where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Answer 1

So good I got choked. Couldn't hardly read it to anyone else for my own laughter and tears. Thanks a puddle!

Answer 2

That was the sickest funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Even as a fundementalist Christian I had to laugh. Good one. (see we do have a sense of humor)

Answer 3

My husband and that i are of distinctive religions. it extremely is sort of hard to describe. i think of it relies upon on how non secular, open-minded, and keen to compromise the couple is. additionally, marriage is according to love, no longer faith. a minimum of mine is. My husband is Protestant and that i'm Wiccan. he's no longer fairly non secular (i think you should call him "non-working in the direction of") yet i'm. he's information of the undeniable fact that it extremely is a extensive component to who i'm. we've not got arguments approximately non secular ameliorations by using fact we the two settle for the different's ideals as component to who the different individual is, non secular or no longer, by using fact we like one yet another. some human beings have faith that husband and spouse ought to be of the comparable faith, yet it extremely is barely by using fact they have faith that their faith is the only desirable suited faith. yet that, in my opinion, is an unwillingness to compromise to no longer point out thoughtless and close-minded. My husband additionally has no issue with our daughter being raised Wiccan, and has noted a ritual (a house blessing). He did this willingly, and observed it as an perception into Wiccan ideals. desire i've got helped. :-)

Answer 4

Too freakin' funny♥ LOL which is bad cause I'm at work in an office♥

Answer 5

I can relate to that one, my husband does the same thing.

Answer 6

Heard that one already.

Answer 7

lmao!!! I have GOT to share this one with my husband!!

Answer 8

Oh my God, that was genius!

Answer 9

hahaha...at first i didnt get it but this joke is hilarious. keep 'em coming. lol

Answer 10

Brilliant-Well done.