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2006-07-28 07:25:49 · 29 answers · asked by virgowiccangirl 3 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

29 answers

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative, said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

2006-07-28 07:48:09 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin R 2 · 16 3

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he is sitting there, he sees a big jar behind the bartender, full of one hundred dollar bills. The man ask the bartender what it's for. The bartender says that its a bet. Men put in one hundred dollars, then they have to drink a bottle of Vodka. "Thats all?" ask the man. "No," says the bartender. "Then they have to go out back, where there is a big pitbull. The guy has to go a take all the pitbulls teeth out. Then there is in a shack a one hundred year old woman, and the man has to make love to her. If he does all of that, he gets all the money in the jar." So the man thinks about it for a while, and as he has already had a couple of drinks, decides it's a good idea. So he gives the bartender the money and drinks the Vodka. Then he goes out back. The people still in the bar hear lots of screaming and yelling. Then they hear lots of yelping. The man comes back in all scratched up, puts dentures on the bar and says, "heres the old ladies teeth."

2006-07-28 16:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by Rae 2 · 0 0

Skin Graft

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

2006-07-28 16:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by Hi y´all ! 6 · 0 0

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

2006-07-28 14:35:07 · answer #4 · answered by Leon K. 3 · 0 0

A man walks into a bar with a nap-sack and sits down. He asks for a beer and reaches inside the nap-sack and pulls out a little piano. The bartender looks on as the man then pulls a little man out of the nap-sack who proceeds to walk over to the piano, sit down and starts playing. The bartender asks,"Where'd you get that?" The man reaches into the nap-sack and pulls out a lamp and says,"I just rubbed this and made a wish." The bartender asks if he can try it so the man hands him the lamp. The bartender rubs the lamp and says,"I wish for a million bucks." Just then the door flies open and a million ducks start to walk in. "Hey, mister," says the bartender, "I think there's something wrong with this lamp." "I know," replies the man. "Do you really think I wished for a ten inch pianist?"

2006-07-28 14:32:25 · answer #5 · answered by Coo coo achoo 6 · 0 0

it's a blonde joke

a blonde woman was at home doing a puzzle and she just couldn't seem to figure it out, she got so frusterated that she called her friend to come over and help...her friend showed up and the blonde woman started complaining that the puzzle didn't even look like a tiger, the blonde woman's friend looks at the table with the puzzle and box and says, "how about we just calm down, have some coffee and put the frosted flakes back into the box"

2006-07-28 14:30:06 · answer #6 · answered by happyness0101 2 · 0 0

A black man was walking along the beach one day & found a genie in a bottle. The genie told him he could have 3 wishes...the man thought and said " I wanna be white, tight & outta sight!" Poof!



The man turned into a tampon!

2006-07-28 15:01:35 · answer #7 · answered by Feeling Froggy 3 · 0 0

one day a young man walks into a barber shop, and sees the shop is busy. so he asked the barber how long til i can get a chop? barber replies 45 minutes...couple days pass the young man comes back, and again the barber is busy. so he asked how long til i can get a chop today. barber replies 30 mintues...few more days pass and again he pops his head in and asked how long til i can get a chop...25 minutes......young man leaves agin...so the barber look to his worker says that guy always asks for a chop but never comes back...next time he comes follow him and see where he goes....like the barber claim the young man comes back pops his head in how long til i can get a chop...30 mintues...so he leaves, and the barbers works follows....1 hr passed and the worker returned to the shop dying laughing....barber looked at him said what so funny did u follow him..worker says yes i did follow him..when he leaves here after asking for a chop...the young boy goes to ur house

2006-07-28 14:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by itilian_2 2 · 0 0

Ok a blonde joke.. but its a smart blonde!!
bear with me it is worth it!

ok...
a blonde is on a long flight to Australia.
a business man is in the seat next to her.
seeing that she is a blonde, he decides to have some fun.
the blonde is dozing in her chair, when the young man wakes her and says,
"do you want to play a game to make this flight more fun?"
the blonde says "no", turns over and goes back to sleep.
30mins later the man wakes her again.
"This flight is so boring, come on you want to play this game it is really fun!!"
the blonde again refuses and goes back to sleep.
the man determined to have some fun on his flight, again wakes the blonde and asks her again.
finally she gives in.
the man says,
"ok the idea of the game is if i ask you a question and you can't answer it you give me 5 dollars, if you ask me a question and i can't answer it, i will give you 500 dollars."
So the blonde agrees.
The man starts and asks the blonde, "what is the quanum law of physics?"... the blonde gets out her purse and hands over 5 dollars.
Then she turns over to get some sleep, but the man says,
"oh come on you have a go now!! its your turn!"
so the blonde turns over and asks..
"Ok if you think you are so smart, tell me, what is orange and purple, has 10 legs, lives in the amazon, eats insects and can run at 40 m.p.h?"
the man is stumped.. but thinks, i can't give into this blonde!
the blonde turns over to go back to sleep, in the mean time the man used his laptop that he brought with him, and does some reasearch... unsuccesfully!
he goes around the entire plane asks every one! unsuccesfully.
Finally after 3hours of questioning he returns to the blonde. only to admit defeat...
he says "ok... you win i don't know.." and hands over 500hundred dollars. just as the blonde is about to turn around again he stops her and asks.. "hey so what is the answer?"
the blonde simply gets out her purse and hands over 5 dollars!

woo see blondes aren't all stupid!

2006-07-28 15:06:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

there is a guy he was driving a car and he and a cigerette in his mouth and he dropped the cigerette out of his mouth and there was a cop over there by the corner of the street, and the guy arm caught on fire so he rolled down the window and was waving his left arm out of the window and the cop turned on his sirens
and pulled him over , and he was arrested for having a fire arm.

2006-07-28 14:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by blackknightninja 4 · 0 0

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