NON-Christians only PLEASE. Relationship question?

Question

If someone told you that they would date a non-Christian but would not marry one, would you date them? Would you assume their views would change, or not risk the probable heartache? Would you "convert" to please them?

Answer 1

This is interesting. I actually think this is about more than religion. If you substitute other words for "non-Christian", you can see that this person sounds like what they are revealing is their lack of readiness to seriously date.

For example, let's say this person had instead said:

"I would date a person outside my race (economic class, neighborhood, whatever), but I wouldn't marry them".

Well this says the person is willing to have fun and not date seriously. And I think that's the first thing to keep in mind. Do you want to date someone who isn't marriage-minded? If so, understand it's likely a dead end. You will likely not be respected and your relationship will likely be a bit shallow; will lack the intimacy of someone dating for long-term committment.

In any event, statistically people don't tend to switch religions very often. So even if the the person were open to marriage with person of a different religion, it would likely be a problem for both. It can also get rough as it regards children and how to raise them (faith-wise). Let's just say it's easier to find someone who is of the same faith, though it CAN work out otherwise.

Hope this helped.

Answer 2

I would not date this person. It shows intolerance to at least one group of people (non-Christians), so who knows how many other groups this person has problems with? Don't convert to any religion solely because you want someone to like you, convert only if you respect and want to be a part of that religion. If you are not very religious and don't care either way - that's another story, but this person seems very "into" their religion and would probably want you to be involved as well. You can't "assume" the views will change. However, you know this person better than I do. If they are young, the views may change with more world experience. If they are older, they are probably already set in their ways. But think about it, do you really want to date someone who isn't totally happy with you just the way you are? There are plenty of people out there who will like you just for being you. By the way: I am a Christian, so sorry I broke your rule. But I don't know why everyone thinks all Christians are so zealous in their religion. We're not - some are, but I can't really relate to them.

Answer 3

I would never suggest compromising your own beliefs, whatever they may be, in order to please someone else. This goes for swaying someone else's belief system to meet your own. Whether or not the Bible is written factually has nothing to do with the fact that it is their belief system, and trying to force them away from that, even gently, is only asking for trouble. Everyone has a right to their belief system, whether or not it is able to be factually proven. After all, just because the worldly things might not be true doesn't invalidate the concepts behind them, which are what is really of deep spiritual value.

If they would date a non-Christian but not marry them, then you have to look at what you'd want out of that relationship. If you want to date and have a good time for a while and then part ways, then that might be a good bet. If you're looking at a more serious potential commitment at this point in your life, then it isn't right.

If you're interested in whomever this is, you might want to ask them, "What would you be looking to get out of a relationship where you date with no chance of marrying?" Also, be willing to be open-minded about the faith... Any faith, for that matter. It's always good to have a look around and learn about religions, even if you have no particular beliefs yourself, or even strong beliefs of an opposing direction. Stepping outside your own perspective for a moment is a great way to see what might have been misinterpreted or even villified in your own world view.

Answer 4

Well, first of all, it's very rare for someone to be a "non-Christian" in america. Everyone just about was born into the Xtian faith.--even me!
But if we are talking about the "born-again" variety of which I think you speak 1) it's not fair to say someone is not Christian just because they worship differently from you--but were in fact too born into and raised in a Christian faith.
2) I don't think that a full on non-believer of christianity would convert because they would have to lie to themselves to please a person--even if they love that person, they would be lying to themselves.
3) If you are talking about a Jew or a Muslim dating a Christian, I think there can be a happy medium, but in marriage, there has to be sacrifices and comprimises, that's what marriage is.
4)I don't think Christians should even date non-christians , why would you set yourself up for a let down because assumingly there would be no sex anyway, why bother? If you love each other that much but one is a devout xtian, when you get married, there will be even MORE problems with the marriage starting from day one, and believe me, there will be plenty of problems anyway on top of that, it is a recipe for divorce.
5) there is always a slight chance they will relent to being brainwashed, what the heck, it happens all the time! people need something to believe in and if the person you love is so sure they have all the answers, a person with no real convictions of their own might perhaps follow them into it and convert to mass delusional group think themselves. I know it happens for a fact.

Answer 5

To your first question, don’t waste your time on someone who has such a double standard on any life issue. Someone that would consider a non-Christian but would not marry simply wants to play until something “better” comes along. Don’t let yourself be the play toy. Christian claim to have standards; how about you having some standards too.

To your second question, you would have to have a pretty big ego to think that you would be so special that their core values could be changed by your magnetism. Core values are core values, and who a person really is can’t be changed. It can be suppressed, but at some point the real them is going to come out. Don’t risk your heart or theirs by assuming they have the potential to change. But more importantly, as stated above, don’t let yourself be a play toy; you deserve a sincere relationship with the potential to go someplace.

Thirdly, don’t convert to please them. Honesty is one of the biggest issues in relationships, and to convert to please them is disrespectful to yourself and dishonest, and vice versa. Conversion is a matter of the heart and not to be taken lightly.

And why is this a “NON”-Christian question? Christians are literate too you know. Good luck.

Answer 6

I would say if you like them and you dont have a religion, just go along with the program. You probably will or will not like their views, just atleast get interested to see just why they say that. Then see where the relationship can hold for you two from there. Tell the guy you will learn the christian way of life if he will look at it from your perspective too. If there is real love there, I know you will come to a common clause. Remember this, only YOU can decide, not these "Christian Bashers" and Christian Radicals", you need a neutral answer and here it is....GO WITH IT if you love him and you see something for the future or later...trust me, maybe you just might find the Love of your life, and that only comes around ONCE>>>

Answer 7

It sounds like Christianity is a priority for him in a marriage. He has probably decided that a Christian woman would make him happiest. I would give him space to find what he really wants (a Christian). I don't think he would truly be happy with someone who could only give lip service to what he believes in. He would see through the lie.

With so many people in this world, it is usually easy to find someone whose beliefs are similar to our own--or at least tolerant of any differences. I do not assume that people will change in the ways that I would like them to. It is often disappointing and I wouldn't want anyone to assume that of me.

Answer 8

Back when I still believed, I considered converting for a boyfriend. I even went through cathecism classes to learn the Catholic faith, although I didn't finish the conversion. I want to stress that at the time I did believe in God, but just wasn't Catholic.

Now, I'm agnostic and don't believe. If someone told me that they woudl date a non-Christian, but not marry one, I'd probably date him anyway, but not plan on it every amounting to much. (As such, I wouldn't get sexually involved with him. That's for a relationship with a future.)

But who knows, after dating, we might decide that we want to marry even though our beliefs are different. Perhaps he could change his mind about marrying a non-Christian. That doesn't mean he has to change his beliefs, and it doesn't mean I'd have to change mine.

I wouldn't convert from agnostic to believer just to please him. I don't think I could just change and suddenly believe just because he wants me to do so. That wouldn't be true belief.

Answer 9

Religion can be an important factor in a long term relationship. It can be a deal breaker unless one of the parties agrees to accept the others beliefs or both 'agree to disagree' and carry on from there.

Sounds like you are not being given the option to 'agree to disagree'. That would imply that unless you agree to accept the others beliefs, you cannot expect a long term relationship to work. A short term fling might be fun, but if you are looking for something more, then you better move on.

Good luck!

Answer 10

That's a good warning sign that the person's not for you.
What would the purpose of dating someone you have no intention of marrying be? To selfishly use the person but then hypocritically marry someone who is of your own religion and thus more to your liking? Or is it to date the person in order to convert them? If the person won't marry you unless you conform to his religious views then don't date him. It's got no future. That he'd expect you to conform your thought to his dogma means he's too controlling and too little interested in your views or in allowing you to think for yourself.
It's possible to have a fine relationship and marriage with someone of a different religion, but it only works when the other person can readily accept that your views are different but loves you enough for those differences not to interfere with the relationship. The guy you describe sounds more in love with himself and his views.