how do you successfully raise boys?

Question

PLEASE ONLY ANSWERS FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT I AM DEALING WITH.
I have a 1 1/2 and a 2 1/2 yrs old boys. They have become a real challenge. They are not bad boys, but they are giving me a run for my money. I am pregnant with boy number 3. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Does it get easier. Right now, we are in the "copycat" phase. When they are seperate, they are great listeners..but together is another story. Right nowmy challenge is bed time. I asked a question a while ago about bed times, and got a lot of great suggestions... tried them all..none succesful. right now the oldest is in a seperate room, and i had to put locks on the doors, to keep them seperate. The locks freak the oldest out so i dont lock him in his room, just lock the other door so he wont disturb his brother. It is still a huge challenge. Any ideas?

They do play great together...andi am a beleiver in consistant dicipline. I just get tired somedays, cause i feel like all i do is say NO NO NO all day. My sis thinks i am too tough on them, my friend thinks i am too soft. I DONT KNOW

and they each go to a sitter, once a week, on seperate days, so i have one on one.

They arent rebelious, i just feel ganged up on some days. Like it is a game for them to se how nutts they can make me. Dont get me wrong i have GREAT days with them too, this is just a bad week. When the oldest has had a great day, i sit with him on his bed, and talk to him and tell him how happy i am that he was such a nice boy. They are rewarded for good, and diciplined for bad.... i just dont know. Next week will be a different week, an a whole new chapter I am sure!!

Answer 1

We had a girl, and three boys. Our girl is 28, the boys are 26, 23, and 19.

Are you at home with them? 24/7 can be really tiring! I had a game plan. First, I taught myself that I was never going to have the perfect life or the cleanest, quietest children! Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves, and our kids. The house is never going to be perfect, and sometimes kids (or Mom!) will get sick and blow all the plans to bits. But, I'd get them up and dress everybody, After Breakfast we would try to do something fun and that uses up a LOT of energy! We took walks, we were so good we could walk downtown and back in our little burg. we went outside a lot, we filled a bowl with water, added a little dishwashing liquid, and gave everybody a straw to blow with. I saved the 6 plastic rings off the tops of pop cans and put the bubble soap in a cookie tray, then used the 6-rings to lift up huge bubbles. We had trikes, bugwheels, sit n spins, wooden jigsaw puzzles, sprinklers and wading pools. I'd love to send you a picture of Ken filling the wading pool! Two of my kids had hypractivity attention deficit, and I kept them on an all natural diet- no kool aid or pop. They could have a little sugar on cheerios or special K but no colorful cereals, no additives. It was the flavorings and the colorings skying them up not the sugar. My goal was Keep 'Em Busy! Around 10 am we'd have a snack and then it was Quiet Time. We'd all pile on the sofa and I'd read to them. They loved The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. They loved Frog and Toad, Little Bear, and Morris and Boris stories, not so big on Curious George. WE'd read for an hour then go find something to do til lunchtime, like our swingset or sandbox. Sometimes we'd put on a movie and pile into the rocker. They loved Lady and the Tramp, Willow, The Princess Bride, Faerie Tale Theater! After lunch Mom needed a rest so it was nap, whether they wanted one or NOT! One of my sons would not lie down for naps but I knew he was tired, so I'd lie down and hold him til he stopped kicking and fall asleep, then he'd sleep for 2 hours! Afternoons we did the errands, everybody needs to go to the store or mall once in a while ( unless I felt like running errands in the morning then doing the quiet play after lunch. ) or visit a friends house. We spent a LOTta time in the library and the mall! The hour before hubby came home was called, Crazy Hour. I'd try to cook but the kids were never in good moods right then and I just had to put up with the noise, separate them if they were fighting, and try to get dinner on. It was a good time for them to watch TV and you know, I could take the car seat out of the car and buckle the smallest into it, set it in the living room. He'd be safe and entertained so I could cook. We even took that to the park and set it under a tree. Evenings were for puzzles again, or TV with Daddy, or once, we even played outside in the dark cause Daddy wasn't in the mood for noise. By the time you finish dinner, and bath time, and jammies, it's bedtime (and I meant it!) They were put in their little beds and if they got up, they were quietly put back, and back, and back until they figured out it just wasn't gonna work. My niece and nephews were allowed up til all hours till they fell asleep in an exhausted heap wherever they were, 11 pm or 1 am sometimes. The who family was tired and crankY!!

Try to make a loose plan of how you want your day to go and give it a try for 3 or 4 days. You may have to adjust, you may have to be flexible til you find out what helps your family. And you have to be firm. Kids who don't want a nap are at least going to be quietly in their room discussing Unfairness with their stuffies for an hour.

Ken is 19. He said something a couple of years ago about Frog and Toad and got blank stares in school. He cried, "You don't know Frog And Toad?? Didn't your parents ever READ to you??"
And he just found, during a basement flood, his favorite old Stuffie. He asked me at 3:30 in the morning if I would wash and sew it for him, but don't throw away the filling. That's the stuffing, you see, that knows all his secrets, got all the hugs, and soaked up his tears when life was too hard. He wants his new baby daughter to have his Fujji bear.

You sound like a good and loving mom. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and decide what's important to you. I went to work when Kenny was in 2nd grade. He got daycared for a couple hours after school, and he's a great guy. But I'm so glad, hard as it was, that we were able to keep me at home with them.
Love
Mary

Answer 2

I feel your pain. I have an 8 year old boy. They are a handful. My son isn't bad...he's curious and strong-willed/determined/hard-headed (pick whichever suits you). My best advice is to lay down the law and be consistent. I have to be loving, but strict. It's going to be my way. We had to crack down when he was 4, and our lives are much happier since we did.

Concretely, we had to let him know in no uncertain terms what was and was not acceptable. And we had to reinforce it repeatedly. Also, there had to be consequences. Example: He likes to eat and leave food on the floor around his Gamecube. That's nasty and I've told him repeatedly not to do it. He kept doing it...1st, I didn't let him play that evening. He did it again. Next, I withheld the game and he couldn't have dessert. Now, I've suspended privileges on the Gamecube AND replaced that time with chores. I think he has finally gotten the point.

Also, there are certain things that I never accept. Mainly, he can not be disrespectful to his parents. (Of course this extends to grandparents, aunties, teachers, etc.) And, to his credit, he is always respectful to us.

Some days I feel that all I do is discipline kids, but that's my role as a parent. Do it now, or pay the price later. Can't wait until they are 10 or 12 to start disciplining. I just try to be sure that the punishment fits the offense.

Keep the faith and remain steadfast!

Answer 3

I can only go by the information you have provided so far but it sounds as if you DO have your hands full. From the the ages that you describe, I wonder if they are having issues with the amount of attention they are receiving from you on an individual basis... A child at that age is usually only focused on himself. that is NOT to say they are selfish children! What that means is that they have not learned the concept of others yet.
I would suggest that if you can get someone in your family (or a friend) to help by watching one of the boys at a time you could spend some one-on-one time with the other and vice verse. You could use the bed time problem as a time where they could earn a reward by choosing what to do with this special time with mommy.That way they do not feel that they have to compete for your attention and their good behavior is rewarded too!. Good luck And by the way, I commend you for reaching out for help. Have you thought about contacting other mothers in the area to trade babysitting with? Raising children is not and easy task to do, let alone to do it with very little help. My hat is off to you.

Answer 4

You need to teach them to work together. it is hard at this age because naturally they are in the selfish stage. It is not their faults but they need to learn how to work together. Start off small....Play simply with them. While outside, if you are near sand get both of them the same pail and shovel and show them how to build a castle, complete with moat. Buy thoes little green army men and show them how one can defend the others castle. If a fight interrups try to stop it before it gets out of hand.

Blow up a balloon and have them toss it back and forth. Be there with them when they are doing this. Blow up 6 balloons and see as a team how many they can keep up in the air.

Puppets can be fun for any age. Get a few and give some to your sons and they will start playing back and forth.

Get some kids music! Simple music for their ages...like Head and Shoulders, the wheels on the bus, ring around the rosy...etc. Dance with them. Show them the motions. They will love it. They are using their bodys in a constructive way and while you are there dancing with them they will both enjoy having you play with them. You are also teaching them basic dance moves too so when they become young adults they can woo that lady of thiers with their dancing feet.

Try finger painting. Getting all goopy if fun! Then make a muesum on the fridge or in their rooms. They will like to see the art they made and that you like it too to have it hung up.

Reading is another activity and quiet too. You can sit there and lay out a blanket. Have that be your reading blanket and have fun with it. You may have to read 8 books at a time but they will enjoy it. Use your voice and facial expressions to make the story fun. If at first they don't sit...don't give up. They will get into it when you use expressions.

Doing games like these they are learning to work together yet have fun with each other. When you let them fight they could be doing it to get your attention or they don't know what to do...bored. They are learing that if they argue then mommy comes to the rescue. Be there before it happens. Tell them that a new baby will be coming. Get them excited about it together. Have them listen to mommy's belly or feel it kicking. Buy a lifesize baby doll so they can get a feel for that it is going to be like. Show them how to handle baby that you cannot pull baby by the arm and to touch softly. Don't worry. They will come around.

Answer 5

Parenting boys is a big challenge. I think the best advice I could give you is to suggest you read "Bringing up Boys" by James Dobson. Boys have a tendency to "challenge" the parents. They can be very energetic and sometimes that can lead to trouble.
The younger ones will want to be like the older one for most of their lives, and the older one will want to be left alone. The book covers so many things it can really help.

Answer 6

raising any child is a challenge please if thing are getting tough get some outside help from family friends or support groups you are just starting a long life and you need support before it get you down one day at a time look for the good things to center on like the hugs and smiles you'll do ok think twice about locks on doors fires etc

Answer 7

Locks are a really bad thing. Fires or accidents make it harder to get out. I have 3 boys. One was wild and crazy a lot. I use to say to him that he will make a great adult with all that energy. I felt as long as they weren't hurting each other let them run around. They learn how to socialize by working out their problems with siblings. Try to stand back and let them be. When I got too involved they would think I was taking sides. Most things work out. Remember lots of exercise and fresh air (for you and them).

Answer 8

I want to know the answer to that too.. My boys are 4 and 1... and MAN are they crazy. It does get a little better though. My 4 year old is past the jumping off anything phase, and he wants to explore the world of bugs, snakes and spiders... ewwwww....

Answer 9

I feel your pain. My son is two and a half. I am a single mom and my family disowned me a few years ago so i cant have them watch him for me. I just tell myself all the time that it gets better as they get older. Yes I let him eat on the couch, I let him watch cartoons, and he even stays up late alot. But I have really learned to relax and be more patient. feel free to email me [e-mail]

Answer 10

I only have one bit of advice for you here - teach them how to respect women - it will set them up, hopefully, for a very happy life and future, and help their self esteem (they'll be popular with girls in highschool, which always helps)

Answer 11

it only gets worse as they get older, right now is the easiest time. If your having this much trouble, you need some outside help.