Is it abuse?

Question

Ive known my bf for around 8 years. In the begining our relationship was perfect. Since I have come to depend on him for alot of things. We had planned on moving in together and my daughter calls him dad. Recently things have changed. He puts me down, doesnt let me see me friends, and if i do he says Im messing around on him, even if he knows who i am with or where i am. he just told me he cant live with me bc he cant trust me. and he asked that my daughter not call him dad anymore because i am not parenting correctly. it hurts that he feels this way because i feel i have done nothing wrong. im terrified of losing him because hes become such a big part of our lives. but im more terrified that this could escalate into something more serious. help please. OH BTW- no I have not messed around on him.

oh yes, my sister told me yesterday that i walk on egg shells about everything, even things that dont matter just so i wont upset him.

Answer 1

Been there, done that. Run, don't walk, run away now. It will never get better unless that man goes for some severe counseling and gets medication, and even then there are no guarantees. It will escalate, move on now, do not move in with this man!!! Please get yourself away and safe. Don't feel terrified of losing him....be terrified of staying with him. Believe me, I've been through it and did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the abuse - it's been many years and I still have not gotten over it completely.

Answer 2

Yes you are being verbally and mentally abused and so is your daughter. She hasn't done anything wrong and probably doesn't understand why she can't call him Dad anymore. He sounds like a very jealous control freak and that is the worst type. This relationship is only going to bring you a lot of sorrow and misery. You should consider getting out now before his abuse takes away more of your self esteem and you don't have the courage or the strength to leave.
It's also setting a bad example to your daughter. You don't want her to grow up thinking this type of behavior is acceptable and end up in an abusive relationship herself.

Answer 3

YES -- it IS ABUSE! No question about it. One of the sad facts about abuse (besides the controlling/manipulative behaviors she is SHOWING, and the verbal and mental abuse he is heaping on you and your daughter RIGHT NOW), is that the abuse does NOT end there -- from Mental/Verbal Abuse to Controlling/Manipulative Behaviors, to fears to Physical Assaults/Battery on you and the child -- the cycle NEVER ENDS!

So get out NOW before EITHER you or your daughter are further abused. Go to the local Battered Women's center (or Shelter House) and get their help with Restraining Orders against this Abuser and get them to help you find alternative living arrangements (it seems you may still have your own place -- but if you do not -- get there right now).

This is one small, very insecure and very immature jerk. You are BETTER OFF without this bum in your life. You are also more blessed than most in that you are not married to the bum either (because they get more violent when you divorce them).

Answer 4

It is ABUSE, it is the worse one that you can be in. It is called Mental Abuse. I myself have lives threw all 3 types of abuse and the mental abuse is the worse one by far that you can go threw. It will scare you so deep that you might not be able to get back to where you should be at in life. And even worse, he is also mentally abusing you daughter as well. Kids do not forget that sort of thing. Mental abuser is hard to get away from on top of that.They have away of talking you right back in there trap if you are not carefully.They will promise you the world and what ever else it takes. They are mean, hateful, liars and everything--then the next thing you know--oh honey I didn't mean it and I promise things will be different if you stay, take you out to eat and do this and that, then the next thing you know--mean, hate full...

You need to get away while you can now before it is too late...it will only get worse. Get your daughter and get out of there, please, it is for your daughters and you own health, get out now, PLEASE.

Answer 5

Yes, it is abuse. If he isn't hitting you now he soon will be. The warning sign is trying to isolate you from your friends. He is also mentally abusing your daughter. He is making her feel that she is not good enough for him.

You have been given a gift of him telling you that he will not move in with you now. Please run like the wind and get away from him. You and your daughter are worth so much more than what he is telling and giving you.

Answer 6

It`s abuse. Years ago I had the same problem and come to find out he had been cheating on me for a long time. It may be that he is cheating and not wanting you to go out of the house fearing you will find out what he is doing. That was what was going on with my boyfriend yrs ago. I wish you all the luck in the world and pray that this is not what he is doing.
Since then I have meet to most wonderful man. You can move on but you will need support and stay away from him.

Good Luck Hun

Answer 7

Yes that is some serious emotional and verbal abuse. Soon he will be hitting on you. You need to get out of that relationship while you can. Your daughter doesn't need to see him treat you like that. Plus don't you want to live freely and not have to walk around on egg shells.

Answer 8

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I'd dump him and move on before he gets more abusive. If the relationship hasn't gone anywhere in 8 years it probably will never be more than it is right now.

Answer 9

It certainly sounds like it could potentially head that way, in terms of physical abuse, and that it is already there in terms of mental/emotional abuse.

He may be a big part of your lives - BUT it is better for you and especially your daughter if you get out now, before you can't get out.

Courage dear, you can make it!

Answer 10

I'm going to tell you the same thing I told another young lady recently.

These are the type of men that you really need to stay away from. These are the kind of men that end up physically hurting you or your family.
These are the kind of men who their spouses end up in shelters for battered women.
These are the kind of men that are in prison for murdering or severely battering their spouses and or children.
These are the kind of men that you pack your suitcase and run as far away from as you possibly can before you are dead and can not run.
I have seen it to many times through doing volunteer work.
So please, please, leave this guy and run as far away from him as you can get before it is to late.

Anytime you have a partner that is mentally, physically, emotionally abusive towards you or your children it usually turns into a volatile situation.
And him trying to control you and your child and tell you where you can/can not go, has started accusing you of cheating, telling who your friends can be......all of this is abuse.