Top Ten Signs that You're a Christian?

Question

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.

Answer 1

Ha, nice!

I needed a good laugh.

Answer 2

10- I have never been outraged by you or any other person who claims to be an atheist.- I pray for your soul
9. THEORIES of evolution don't make me feel dehumanized. I KNOW MY WORTH IN CHRIST.
8. I never laugh at people on their way to hell. I believe in one God. I don't expect you to understand the trinity.
7. Face purple? Yes, the Pharoah refused to obey and as promised, the first born were killed. Your fate is promised as well if you do not repent!
6. Yes, Mary conceived immaculately by the Holy Spirit. The Son of Man was NOT KILLED! He gave His life. HE CHOSE THE NAILS!
5. SCIENTIFIC METHODS FOR THE AGE OF THE EARTH. ha HA HA HA HA HA Science is observed! Show me someone who has observed billions of years. It's your theory. Like it or not, it's your religion!!
4. I serve a loving and JUST God. Make no mistake He is the righteous judge that we will all stand before one day. There will be many of us in heave who believed differently while on the earth. We will all have one thing in common. We trusted Christ as our personal Savior.
3. I don't believe in speaking in tongues. I know in whom I have believed and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.
2. Prayer is answered 100% of the time for the child of God. It's just not always the answer that we want. Since God is omniscient I trust His wisdom.
1. I know enough about the Bible to know there are no true atheists and that ".. the fool hath said in his heart, 'there is no God'"

Answer 3

This "question" (!?!) has been "asked" dozens of times here already. The "question" contains many outright lies and gross distortions about the bible and true Christianity. Here are a few Scriptural thoughts to consider:

(Romans 16:17) Keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.

(2 Corinthians 4:4-6) The god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers

(Philippians 2:14-15) In among a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you are shining as illuminators in the world

(1 Timothy 6:3-5) If any man teaches other doctrine and does not assent to healthful words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, nor to the teaching that accords with godly devotion, he is puffed up with pride, not understanding anything, but being mentally diseased over questionings and debates about words. From these things spring envy, strife, abusive speeches, wicked suspicions, violent disputes about trifles on the part of men corrupted in mind and despoiled of the truth

Learn more:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/3/1/article_01.htm

Answer 4

LOL, great! I'm lovin' it!

There is, however, one that I disagree with:
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

Where is your proof of these statistics? You don't have proof of these statistics dude, come on now. Besides, maybe people pray for what's not best for them, and God doesn't grant it because He is a loving God who does what is best for us. Are trials and tribulations best for us? Sure they are, or how can we be perfected if not tried and tested and strengthened? The world can't be padded and easy for us, or where will our character come from? How then can we learn to cope with life if we're always padded and coddled? God wants us to be strong, and He does test His believers, so yes, we are tried and tested.

Other than that, you're right on the money. Funnee!!!

Answer 5

I can only come up with 4
1. You are easily led, like a sheep, and believe everything you're told.
2. You preach acceptance, but try to push your religion on others.
3. You laugh at mythology, but that's exactly what the bible is.
4. You deny yourself normal pleasures of life for the promise that you will get rewards in some magical land that doesn't exist.

Answer 6

Score!!!!! I'm lovin it!
Tell every body else to get a sense of humor!

Sign number 11- You take offense to humorous postings on sites such as Yahoo! Answers to the extent that you actually try and convert the asker, yet you have no problem laughing at jokes/postings bashing other religions, ethnic groups, blondes, etc. ..... but you still believe that you "spread the love of god all around".

Answer 7

Interesting points. I'm Christian, and I see your logic, but you've just made an incorrect generalization, I'm afraid.

10 - I actually support the theory that every religion looks to the same "God" -- He just goes by different names and forms. Because of this idea, I accept all religions as valid and worthy of a sense of openmindedness toward them. Yes, even atheism.

9 - Actually, I agree with the theory of evolution. It is my understanding that the book of Genesis (which talks about God creating the world) is an allegory -- I believe that God creating something from nothing (Big Bang), and everything turned out as it did (humans, etc) according to His will.

8 - I don't laugh at polytheists -- I respect their religions, and encourage more openmindedness amongst fellow Christians as that they might do the same. You are right that I believe in a Trinitarian God, but there is a distinction (which is admittedly difficult to grasp) between that and multiple gods. To put it briefly, a man can be a brother, a son, and a father all in one, just as much as God is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in one.

7 - God was viewed as a very fearsome divine force back in the time of the Hebrews (Old Testament), but now we know (through Jesus of the New Testament) that God was misinterpretted, and is actually very loving, compassionate, and forgiving. I can't exactly counter your statement, though, because I do flinch about that story. I can't picture God doing something so cruel -- this is one of the current questions I have about my faith that I feel the need to look into.

6 - I don't laugh at Hinduism or Greek beliefs, either. As for the Holy Spirit impregnating Mary, there is no "doctrine" on this, as far as I know, so this is my philosophical interpretation of the situation: the Holy Spirit is, perhaps, not a physical being, but essentially God's power. Therefore, He did not sleep with Mary, as you suggest -- it was a matter of creating, using His divine power, the growth of a boy within Mary's womb. He is God, and all powerful. If He can create something out of nothing, then He can create an embryo without the process of combining sperm with egg.

5 - The argument that a Christian (the stereotype you are characterizing) would shoot back at you on this one is that God inspired all the writings of the Bible, whereas anything developed in science is completely man-made, so to speak. I, on the other hand, am on your side on this one -- I agree with science, and don't discount its validity for not being in the Bible.

4 - I despise this belief as well -- it is my wish that fellow theists will come to realize that every person has an equal chance of getting into Heaven. It would have been pointless for God to create people who were already condemned to Hell. I also don't accept the teaching that atheists are going to Hell for denying God. I think that He will judge people based on strength of character and morality, not presence or lack of religion.

3 - Again, I am in agreement with scientific beliefs. Christianity is a difficult thing to prove with science, but so are other religions. A religion is based on faith, most times, not just what science can tell you.

2 - Prayers for me are answered in the form of reassurance. I pray to God not hoping for a verbal response or miracle; praying serves as a reminder of God's comforting presence, as well as encouragement that I have the strength to go on.

1 - It is true, many Christians are ignorant when it comes to, well, knowledge in general, but you can't discount us all. Being Christian implies that I believe Jesus died for my sins -- it is not based upon how much I know about my own religion. Then *you* would be the Christian, and that would just mess up all up. =)

Again, please don't generalize Christians. The ones, sadly, that most people come in contact with are those who are the most fundamental, like the kind you ridicule here. Just remember, there are just as many logical and open-minded Christians out there, trying to keep peace with religious tolerance.

Answer 8

That's a bit of an overgeneralization. I'm a Christian, but I don't believe non-Christians go to Hell (and am in fact marrying one), I don't believe in Bibical literalism, and I don't believe in all the propaganda against people of other religions. I am a believer in evolution, the big bang, gay rights, and that other religions contain truth. I also believe in Jesus and the holy trinity.

It's not right of you to make accusatory remarks such as this regarding all Christians, just as it's not right to make generalization about any religious or cultural group.

Answer 9

Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of the French (1804-1814), 1769-1821


“Paganism is the work of man. One can here read but our imbecility. What do these gods so boastful know more than other mortals; these legislators, Greek or Roman; his Numa; this Lycurgus; these priests of India or of Memphis; this Confucius; this Mohammed? Absolutely nothing. They have made a perfect chaos of mortals. There is not one of them all who has said anything new in reference to our future destiny, about the soul, about the essence of God, about the creation. Enter the sanctuaries of paganism: You find there perfect chaos, a thousand contradictions, war between the gods, the immobility of sculpture, the division of the rending of unity, the parceling out of the Divine attributes mutilated or denied in their essence, the sophisms of ignorance and presumption, polluted fetes, impurity and abomination adored, all sorts of corruption festering in the thick shades with the rotten wood. The idol and the priest. Does this honor God, or does this dishonor Him? Are these religions and these gods to be compared with Christianity? As for me, I say no. Summon entire Olympus to my tribunal. I judge the gods, but am far from prostrating myself before their vain images. The gods, the legislators, of India, and of China, of Rome and of Athens, have nothing which can overawe me.”

About Jesus Christ he says instead:

“His religion is a revelation from an intelligence which is certainly not that of a man.”

“I know men; and I tell you Jesus Christ is not a man. Superficial minds see a resemblance between Christ and the founders of empires, and the gods of other religions. That resemblance does not exist.”

“There is between Christianity and whatever other religion the distance of infinity.”

Answer 10

Who are you hanging out with that calls themselves Christians? Every christian is an individual just like non christians. You can't judge a whole group by just a few or in some cases you can't judge the few by the many. (-:

Answer 11

Unless of course you have read the Universal Theology of the New Jerusalem by Emanuel Swedenborg.

http://www.mechanicsburgnewchurch.org