why do i always have to be so god damn dumb?

Question

my friend has a drinking prob. she just turned 15, and she is basicly turning into an alcoholic. she has gone to the hospital twice for it in 2006. i have been really worried about her since b4 she went to the hospital the 1st time. she does other things too. this year, she lost her virginity while drunk to a guy she didnt know, tried oxycotn, smoked pot (but i dont have a prob w/ that), did a bunch of sexual stuff w/ dif guys, but wont tell me (her best friend), & started smoking again. i didnt tell her how worried i was, because idk. when i tried talking to her about her smoking, she freaked on me. so when she started the whole drinking thing, i didnt say nething. i didnt want to lose her, but whatever i did, there was a chance of that happening one way or another. (if i told her, i could lose her as a friend kinda, if not, just lose her period.) but i eventually decided i was over reacting, and got drunk w/ her. now she has been to court & is on probation. she has decided she is....

going to stop drinking. and i was like, well, after going to the hospital twice would be a sign you should stop. then after reading her lj today, i realised i really should have told her how i felt. thats basicly what she wanted all along. she needs a friend, and i know now, that by not talking to her about it, i wasnt being a good friend. now im going out of town for 3 weeks. and im worried shes gunna get in trouble again. the last two times i left town, she ended up in the hospital. i just dont know what to do. && im moving by sept. i dont wanna leave her here like this...i know that i could help her now. im just so confused....im such a dumbass...

and im tired of looking after everyone else my whole life. my mom said that even when i was 2, i would always play w/ the kids that needed a friend the most. ive never really cared about making myself happy, just the ppl who need it the most. but moving is the best thing for me. there is nothing left for me here except her...and im in love w/ her, so its dificult. im just afftraid shes gunna hurt herself more if i move. but i dont have a choice, so i dont know why im contemplating it so much lately. my mom is moving & takeing me w/ her whether i like it or not. i jsut wish i didnt have to leave her w/o knowing she is going to be okay.

&& i talked to my mom about it a bit too much...which added to the lack of trust.

Answer 1

You really don't need to ask, cause you have answered your own question...You can't keep worrying about everyone else all the time...You need to concentrate on yourself...Be very thankful that you are smarter than your friend, but you can't try to change every ones life..Your friend Will learn sooner or later that her choices will always have consequences, whether good or bad...Just hang in there for her, and hopefully she will change...Hope this helps and God bless

ps...are you a Virgo?

Answer 2

Sometimes being friends means telling someone the hard facts, whether they want to face it or not, and at the risk of losing them as a friend. Because you know that even if you lose them as a friend, at least you tried to do what's best for them, and there can be no other way to look at it.

You're absolutely right, your friend is out of control. Losing her virginity to an unknown guy while she's drunk? That's just too much! Maybe you should examine the root of this problem. Usually people who choose to "escape" are facing some kind of problem they can't manage, and have a very low self-esteem.

The best way for you to help your friend now is to tell her you will be there for her, but maybe it's time for her to make a conscious step to turn her life around. It's ultimately her life, not yours, and you can't always be there to make decisions for her. She has to *want* to turn her life around first, or what you're doing for her now is just creating a dependency issue.

Your friend sounds like she needs counselling - over her problems, her alcoholism, etc. I'm surprised that she being hospitalised so many times over alcoholism, that the doctors did not make it mandatory (especially since you guys are 15!). Sometimes people have a fear of admitting their not good enough, or just taking that first step out of their misery. Perhaps, to start off, you could accompany her to counselling, and wait outside while she's in session? You have to let her know that you'll still be there, even if she must take the steps herself.

If you've really done all that you can, I'm afraid there is nothing much left you can do. She is not your responsibility. You must lead your own life, and you cannot let her issues destroy your focus on your own. While a friend in need is a friend indeed, you cannot allow her to create so much negativity within you, that you yourself start getting depressed and worried. You have to just do the best you can, and leave her be (if it comes to that). But if she is willing to help herself, you should be as encouraging as possible.

Do what your gut tells you too. Like Oprah said, if in doubt, then don't. I hope this helped. Good luck!

Answer 3

You have to be honest with your friend tell her exactly how you feel one time and then drop it....let her know you are there for her and be supportive regardless of what happens...ultimately when people have problems like this they aren't going to change anything until they get to the point where they realize that they have a problem by themselves. My best friend was the same way when we were in high school and she got pregnant right before graduation and finally realized she needed to change her ways...she is completely changed now that she has 9 month old baby and we are even in college together...but just give it time and it work out eventually.

Answer 4

first off, ur not soo god damn dumb, u just did what u felt was right at that time, especially since she snapped at u. ur human. what can i say? as much as ur good at carrying people, u have to understand, that u cant live anyone's life, but urs. ur friend, although she's ur best friend, she isnt the same person since she started doin all those bad stuff. and on her lj she said she needed a friend, have u figured, its time to be more aggressive when u talk to her. i mean aggressive, by being more straight up and just because ur moving away, u can be there on the phone w/ her. i know everythin seems are atm, but she chose to live her life the way she does, u do the same as well.

Answer 5

You sound like you are taking the world on your shoulders. For starters lighten up a little, people are not perfect and, not meaning to sound uncaring, but 15 is a really melodramatic age. This is not necessarily the end of the line for your friend and it is not your responsibility. She will more than likely grow out of this phase.
Most of what you described her doing are perfectly normal for people your age to be doing. Getting drunk, getting stoned, getting, laid and having fun?

Answer 6

I know you don't want to rat your friend out, but you need to be talking to adults about this problem - either your parents or her parents. You are too young to try and deal with this by yourself, and your friend needs help. She may be so mad that she doesn't want to be your friend anymore, but the important thing is that you might have saved her life.

Answer 7

"tried oxycotn, smoked pot (but i dont have a prob w/ that), "

But you are worried cause she drinks?

Look, your friend has a new lifestyle now. She'll grow out of it, or not. Don't get jealous.

Answer 8

just say how you feel to your friend and let her know you will be there for her anyway you can no matter how far away you are. and just have faith she will do the right thing. you guys are too young to be drinking. you have your whole ahead of you. but sometimes we have to let people see this for themselves.

Answer 9

.Misery loves company.
Do you know what integrity means?
Don't be so weak. If she wants to screw up herself, let her.
Do you really want to become the thing you were trying to fix.

Answer 10

Uhm... We got the life story, but didn't you answer your own question?