Anyone got a good clean joke about retirement?

Question

I need to make a quick speech in a couple of hours time and I dont know any jokes that I can use (need to be funny!)
Help!! (This was thrust on me at the last minute)

I looked at the joke websites and I didnt titter in fact the jokes are as lame as a three legged horse

Answer 1

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, "Without you, the company will never be the same,"

"We will always remember you," etc.

Obviously the boss was not satisfied. "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"

Slowly but firmly, John wrote, "The best news in 20 years."


THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Answer 2

Clean retirement jokes :

http://www.retirementjoke.com/
http://www.basicjokes.com/dtitles.php?cid=56 (w/ ratings)

Good luck with the speech.

Answer 3

sorry, but i don't know any, just trying looking at joke websites

Answer 4

i just closed from work and saw your question,i would have really helped u guess it's late. i hope your went well,have a lovely time.

Answer 5

here u go buddy this made me laugh but then i laugh at anything hahah.......
http://www.mabels.org.uk/retirement-jokes.htm#retirementjokes