Uh oh. This is a common situation, but it doesn't have to mean disaster for you.
On one hand, you want to know that you're the lady in his life and are capable of taking care of your man now. On the other hand, she is his mother and always will want to see him as her little boy.
It is a territorial thing. Both women want to be the main woman in this man's life.
But here's the deal: If you play your cards right, you can have a wonderful life with a loving extended family. If you make the wrong moves, you could lose your man.
A lot of moms have a hard time letting go of their children, especially when it is time to make room for the new spouse in their children's lives. It is a sad and difficult transition for the parents. But it is a necessary part of life, and they must learn that things change.
But, please let me appeal to you for a moment. One day, you will be a mother yourself. You will have a son of your own. You will love him more than life itself and be his true love from the day he is born. He will look to you for protection, guidance, food, clothing, shelter, love, fun. And one day, he will grow up.
For all the good intentions you have now about being brave and letting him go to live his own life, it will be hard for you. Suddenly, you're out of a job. He no longer needs you. He will find a sweet young thing to love. And although you will be very happy for him, it will be hard NOT to want to do little things to make him happy, to still be a part of your precious little boy's life.
You just don't want to be thrown away now that you're not needed.
The good news is that your boyfriend has been raised with a lot of love which means he will be a loving husband and father. He knows love and devotion.
Don't force him to choose between you and his mother. You aren't his wife yet and it is easier to find another girlfriend than another mother.
Would you want your son to choose his girlfriend over you, his mother?
Play smart and accept the loving influence in his and your life. She will be a wonderful grandmother to your child someday.
Develop a loving relationship with her. She can be your greatest ally in your marriage. Confide in her. Win her over. She will love you like a daughter and appreciate all you do for her son.
Now, she has the right to give advice (she's a mother, after all.) But neither of you has to TAKE her advice. Listen, but do what you think is right for you.
If she is stepping on your toes, let her do things that you can't or don't want to do...just to keep her busy. Maybe she is lonely and needs things to do...friends?
It's a good sign that she will call you and talk to you about her son. It shows she likes you and feels comfortable with you. Some mothers can be really horrible and make it hard for their daughters-in-law.
Here's another plus for making nice with his mother: Your boyfriend will be extremely impressed and will love you so much more for being kind to his dear mother.
And, in the future, if she is ever a real pain, he will side with you because he will know that you usually try your best to get along with her. If you make the mistake of being combative or cold, he will blame you for the conflicts.
Trust me, I've witnessed these situations all too many times. You can make it true bliss or hell. I've talked to women with the best mothers-in-law relationships and they've all done the above. Women who don't play it smart either divorce or have miserable in-law relationships that strain their marriages.
I've done both. In the beginning, I was young and very territorial because I wanted to be my husband's only love. The in-law problems were horrible. We argued a lot and nearly divorced.
But as time went on, I grew smarter. Today, we have fabulous, loving relationships with both sides of the family. :)
Remember that you and your loved one make a team. You're on the same side. Really once you're married, his mother becomes your mother, too.
Try to overlook the annoying stuff. I'm not saying to be a pushover and let the woman walk over you and run your lives. No. But do let her in occasionally. Smile and be kind and loving. You will be rewarded a million times over. I promise.
P.S. It isn't about you. It's not that she doesn't trust you to care for her son. She just loves him. Here's one last tip: Beat her to the punch and call HER first with news about her son's status. Then, you can make that call when it is convenient for you.
2006-07-28 06:33:52
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answer #1
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answered by hope03 5
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Take a deep breath and relax. Believe it or not this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a mother/son relationship. If he's under 25, give him a little time to figure out how to balance respecting his mother without allowing her to control him. If he's over 25 talk with him about how you're feeling, but DON'T attack his mother. Mothers so often are worried about being replaced and unwanted, show her there is still room for her too. But it is important to let him handle his mother, don't get in the middle of this. This is his mother and if he has to choose between the two of you, you MAY win at first but in the end you'll always lose.
If she'll drive him here, there and everywhere that's great! Gas is expensive and it's not coming out of your wallet. If you like the spaghetti sauce tell her! It's one night you don't have to cook. Keep in mind if he keeps turning to his mother for everything you have a completely different problem and maybe he's not mature enough for a relationship.
If it makes you feel any better most of our "in laws" (or g/f, b/f mothers) drive us nuts. The trick is to smile and realize usually they mean no harm and only want to help.
2006-07-28 13:27:37
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answer #2
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answered by Kati 2
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I think that you should confront her about it, that way should definetly sovle your problem. Just be like " Mrs.____ I need to talk to you" and do this when your boyfriend isn't around. Say " Well I just wanted to talk to you about something that's been going on for a while. It seems like you don't trust me or it's as if you think i'm not worthy enough for your son, now you can stop me if i'm worng, but that's how I feel"... I have a question for you, is he her only child, because that right their is the problem if so or maybe he's her only son. But if not then she just has some letting go problems, and she's afraid of lossing her baby to some girl, when she feels that she can take better care of him and you wouldn't know what your doing, she's most likely also jealous.
~Hope I helped yoyu, good luck!
2006-07-28 13:09:22
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answer #3
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answered by Angel_Eyes 2
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I was with a guy who had a mother like this. Unless the guy stands up to his mom, it will continue and yes, it will ruin your relationship. But, only the guy can do something to stop this. Talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he is willing to do. IF nothing, you will either have to deal or move on. I am so sorry.
2006-07-28 13:02:43
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answer #4
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answered by pizzagirl 4
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She does sound like she is going a bit overboard, BUT be thankful that she does love and care about her son. She could be one of them kind that blows their kids off and don't give a flying flip as to what happens to them. She is just trying to be a loving and caring mom, than is normal for a mom that does love their kids to act when they are sick or been hurt.
2006-07-28 13:07:09
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answer #5
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answered by SapphireB 6
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Watch the movie "Monster-In-Law"
That is probably her baby boy and mothers are so stuck on their youngest children. It is probably apart of her empty nest syndrome where she can't stand the thought of all of her kids being grown up and out on their own. She may be lonely. I guess you will need to kick him the butt and give him some gonads to tell his mom that he is fine and she needs to give you guys some room to breathe.
2006-07-28 13:11:58
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answer #6
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answered by busyliz 3
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You have a momma that can't cut the apron strings. Your BF is going to have to tell his mother that she is over stepping the boundaries. I am sure she means well but he is an adult now and she has to let go.
2006-07-28 13:11:07
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answer #7
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answered by Raspberry 6
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Talk to your boyfriend about it, tell him you feel like there are three people in your relationship. Another woman is never good, even if it's his mother. :)
2006-07-28 13:03:19
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answer #8
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answered by t79a 5
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avoid her calls turn your phone off for a while and his just to get some peace talk to her or talk to him about it or just agree with her and move on just to get her off your back
2006-07-28 13:02:36
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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wow....talk to your boyfriend and tell him your dont like it at all.
2006-07-28 13:07:29
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answer #10
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answered by Lucia 2
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