something every girl wants to know*?

Question

what do guys really want in girls? they say one thing we do it then they are dissatisfied like you weren't really supposed to do i can't read minds.. i need help*

Answer 1

So you have to ask the specific guy you have in mind what it is that HE really wants -- in life, in bed, for dinner, whatever.

The problem is, he may not know.

Freud once said that there are four people in every couple -- the man, the woman, the way he wants her to be, and the way she wants him to be. And it's surprisingly (you might almost say depressingly) common for men to base what he wants a woman to be not on his own desires, goals, and aspirations, but on what he thinks she SHOULD be, based on social norms and even cultural stereotypes.

Why your question brought this up for me is that I found myself doing what you're asking about many years ago -- I'd either ask my wife to be a certain way or do a certain thing and she would, but I'd be dissatisfied with it. What I saw about myself was that I was unconsciously expecting my wife to behave the way that stereotypical wives were EXPECTED to behave on TV sitcoms -- something like a blend of Lucille Ball and Peg Bundy.

Worse yet, I was subconsciously assuming that *I* was supposed to want the same things that stereotypical husbands wanted -- as though *I* was being forced to be a combination of Ricky Ricardo and -- wait, it's not Ted Bundy, he's a serial killer, it's AL Bundy. I don't know which is worse...

But these social stereotypes are so widespread that they had, without my being aware of it, given me a sense that This Is What Guys Want. So I asked for it... and my loving wife provided... and I was unsatisfied, in the face of being given exactly what I had asked for. And that frustrated HER and made HER unsatisfied, in the face of giving exactly what she had been asked to give. Because Ricky and Lucy (or Peg and Al) were getting what THEY wanted -- but that isn't really what WE wanted.

When I've mentioned this to other people, their eyes get big and they almost invariably point at me and say things like "Oh my God... I've been doing the SAME THING and it's why I'm miserable even though I'm getting what I say I wanted." So it's fairly common -- I'd suggest almost universal, but I haven't done any studies on it.

Here's the catch: you can't tell a guy he's doing that (it plays right into the problem, because All Women Want To Boss Men Around, according to the popular stereotype).

So... here's where you get to be the stereotype of the Woman Who Manipulates Men For Their Own Good:

If he says (wild example) "I wish you'd shave your left eyebrow" and you shave it and he says he hates it, you have to NOT look hurt because he didn't really do it just to piss you off. You have to put your arms around his neck and say "Sweetheart, I love you and I want you to be happy. And I've noticed that sometimes you ask for something and when I do it, like I did this eyebrow thing, it doesn't make you happy. Do you think maybe you're asking for things you think you're SUPPOSED to want, but maybe there's something else you REALLY want?"

Or something like that. The idea is to plant the suggestion, just the suggestion that his image of What Guys Are Supposed To Want ("a beer, and to see something naked," as Jeff Foxworthy says) may not line up with what he actually wants out of life. (For example, I'd rather have a glass of wine, and to actually rub up against something naked... but that's just me. :-) A good technique for this is to keep asking "And what else?" when he's telling you what he wants -- in a friendly way, of course -- until he gets to "That's it, that's all there is."

The other thing is, this is like one of those optical-illusion pictures -- you won't see it until you see it, and even then you may stop seeing it from time to time. You have to learn to distinguish this from all the normal background misery and unfulfilled desire in life. The key is to notice when you get what you want and it isn't what you wanted... or when that describes the person in your life.

When you notice this, it's time to ask Peg and Al to leave the room for a few minutes, and begin to unconceal what's really there for both of you.

Answer 2

we feel the same way about you guys with the mind-reading things a lot. We just want someone fun and sweet, who is really nice to spend time with and hang out with. Also, someone who will accept us for who we are and not try to change us.

Answer 3

All guy's aren't identical. That would defeat the purpose of finding the right guy. Every guy has different ideas of what he likes and guys change their minds a lot.

Answer 4

we just need a chick to be herself & be comfortable about who she is. we dont need a girl who puts on a fake show or whatever for the sole purpose of getting us infatuated with them. we need her to get through to us through the heart, not the eyes with their looks or the nose with their perfume or the other senses...a sense of humor would be great, if not required. we need a lady who'll acknowledge that she's not perfect cuz flawlessness is nonexistent. she's gotta be real with us

Answer 5

T hey want a girl just to put their thing there

Answer 6

We want to make you happy.
We love to see your smile.
We live to hear the sound of your laughter.
Our eyes drink you in when we see you being yourself.
We want to you alive in spirt and full of fun.

Answer 7

well. i would want someone who is smart pretty kind and allways puts their best effort into stuff, but people have different tastes....

Answer 8

we want "little miss innocent" by day, and a sl*t in the bedroom.

Answer 9

pizza beer and oral