Is it okay to 'bribe' my child just to obey me?

Question

I have a 3 years 7mos. old little girl and when I tell her to do things like going to bed or put back her toys I would have to tell her that I'd give her candy or a piece of chocolate if she will do what I say. when she comply then shen will ask me for her "price". Is it okay to do that? I mean I feel horrible tht I have to 'bribe' my child just to obey me. Though sometimes she follows everything I say to her.

Answer 1

Bad idea. You'll find you'll be in negotiations for all sorts of things.

How about posting the rules, and have penalties (loss of priviledges, for example - maybe TV viewing time or whatnot) for violations.

Don't forget to NOTICE when she does what she should - and praise her when she does. That's often more powerful than penalities.

Answer 2

You've got a good idea, but you need to alter it a bit.

Positive reinforcement is a good tool to use to encourage children to do things, however, when all you use is bribing, then the usefulness of positive reinforcement gets garbled. Instead of always bribing her to do things, threaten to take away things. A child has to learn that there are both positive and negative consequences. Try something like, if you don't put your dolly away I will put it in time out and you will not be able to play with it for x-amount of minutes. Start using a stronger judgement on when you should give your child a positive "price", such as candy for picking up more than was asked, or picking up the first time she was told, or picking up without being told; and when a negative "price" should be given, like loss of toy to time-out, loss of special tv show or loss of tv time, when you aren't getting a proper response.

If you do try the positive/negative reinforcement, keep in mind that you have to keep consistent and stick with it. It takes a child 30 days to fully get with the flow of things. Don't expect miracles in just a week or two. If you follow through with the things offered or promised to be taken away, she will begin to learn that you are serious about how you want her to respond to you and she will start behaving more properly.

Stick with it always and you will have a decent handle on her behavior, until she becomes a teenager!

Answer 3

NO! You're just teaching your kid to be a manipulative, spoiled little pain in the a$$.

You need to offer a firm stance, not candy! If she throws a fit, so what?! You're the parent; incentives are not necessary! If she's good she gets to do things like get a new toy at the store (eventually) or go outside & play. NEVER bribe your kid to do what you want!!!

You need to perhaps help her get her stuff picked up, but you NEVER bribe a kid. It will end up escalating into a nightmarish situation for you and everyone around you.

Just remember this: your house is not a democracy; kids do NOT get a vote. They do as they're told or there will be consequences (time-outs, removal of priviliges or toys or dessert, etc).

Answer 4

your child so has the upper hand in this relationship...it's one thing to tell her that if she's a good girl today you'll go out for icecream...but only every once in a while...

you need to let your daughter know who's boss...right now she knows she is and that's wrong...that's why it's so important for women to wait til their older to have kids...

you need to tell her what you want her to do and if she doesn't do it, spank her butt or put her in a "naughty chair"...another thing you can do is tell her that if she doesn't put her toys away and you have to, then she won't get to play with them again...there should never be a "price" to make your child obey you...she will never learn to respect you as a person or mom if you don't start early with teaching her that you're the boss and what you say goes...

it's not wrong to reward your child for doing something good, but you can't let it get to the point where you have to give her something for her to obey you...she must obey, period...

just like a dog, pardon the example, but if you teach your dog to obey, but don't always reward with a treat, then they won't always expect it...

getting to watch a movie, going to the park...stuff like that can also be a reward...it doesn't have to be candy or toys all the time...praise her and tell her what a good girl she's been, as well...

it's still not too late to start disciplining her, so i'd work on that now before it does get too late and you have an out-of-control teen...

Answer 5

Totally unacceptable.......

Think about the message you are teaching her. You want her to grow up thinking she can manipulate and play anyone that comes along to get what she wants. No I would stop it now. It will be tough and you are going to have a fair share of tantrums to deal with but remember that the first five years of a childs life is the most impressionable time in their lives.

Stay strong and stick to your guns You are the boss and a child shouldn't be controlling you.

Answer 6

Bribing your child with candy, how nice. Next time the Maury Povich show has "world's fattest babies/kids" on, watch it. Then you can see for yourself what a horrible idea it is. Those are extreme cases but as your child gets older she will use food to make her feel better when she is;
sad, mad, worried, upset, depressed, happy, annoyed, frightened and so on.

Answer 7

In my opinion, no it is not o.k. Bribing is the thing you do not want to do to a child. Sounds like she applies "listening" to a "treat". Your daughter is learning, that if she does something good there is always a reward. You should teach your child that there isn't always a reward for doing something good, she should be good or do good things because she wants to or is told to. Even if it takes a little time out for her to listen, she needs it.

Answer 8

There is a very thin line in between
"Reward" & "Bribery"

When she's good, she deserves a reward.
If not, she'll get punished. At her early years,
"Honesty" is very important and "Obedience"
will be developed in due time.

Bribery will lead to an unwanted corruption
in the future and "Bribery" should be the last
vocaburary to teach your little girl.

Rewarding system is one of the best ways to
relay the valuable meaning of "Duty" and
"Accountibility". So, bedtime story will help
you simplifying those big words.

Go shopping bedtime stories.
Have fun!

Answer 9

No not okay...if you do that now she'll expect it from everyone. At school her teacher will ask her to do her work and she'll say "Only if you do this for me.." and etc. Not a good idea. If she doesn't do what you say, spank her. She needs to know that you're the boss and that she needs to obey you.

Instead of telling her what she can have if she does something you need to tell her what will happen if she doesn't.

Answer 10

Bribing is not good because this only leads to you little girl only wanting things in return for obeying you.