My boyfriends dad is by all accounts a b$st*rd. He treated his wife, my bf's mum very badly and behaves in a very selfish manipulative way. He has a reasonable relationship with his other children but my bf hates him due to what he did to his mother. His father is very ill and actually survived a major heart attack last year. Is there anything I can do to help the situation as I'm afraid if his father dies my bf will always regret that they were on such bad terms.
2006-07-28 04:45:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess we both have same problems, my boyfriend has similar problems with his dad, he can;t even stand the sight of his father, but my advice in such situation is this, "no matter how much you hate him he is still your dad, @ least be grateful you aren't a bastard, you answer someones name and life is too short to be wasted, if the old man passes on and you don;t make peace before he does you will leave your life full of regrets"
Don't be scared of talking to him, tell him the truth, @ least by all standards your bf isn;t a perfect man either so he should take into consideration that a lot of things happen due to ignorance and his dad may be regretting his actions his male ego won't allow him admit it, all the same your bf is taking drugs for some one elses illness...................
Help him before he makes more mistakes that he would regret in future.
2006-07-28 05:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
What a tough situation... =T sounds like his dad is not a very great guy..perhaps he has good intentions, but inside he probably has a lot of problems and takes them out on the wife/son. if ur bf seems upset about him, be supportive, listen, and if he seems open to advice, just encourage him to take care of his mother. since the husband treats her badly, the least ur bf can do is take care of the mom and try to set a good example for the father.... also, if they get into fights, ask ur bf to be the bigger person and try hard to be patient, and see that his father has too much pride, is too stubborn, is too closed-minded and forces himself to be hard on the outside, but somewhere that he has love for the family. ur boyfriend has to let the past go, and work on the future for his family's sake; that's also what his father should do, but if he can't, don't let ur boyfriend make the same mistake.
i know someone in similar situation, except she has NO CONTACT w/ her father..it's really sad, but he really does treat her horribly, since she was a baby. but the thing is, inside i know she still loves him!! in fact, she loves him soo much and that's why it hurts THAT MUCH more that the father doesn't return that love..it's such a shame. but instead of becoming a hard, cold hearted person on the outside to protect herself, i wish she would be able to forgive him in her heart and let the experience help her to become a *stronger* person... that she would NEVER let anyone else in her life feel the way she did. but what happened is she ended up treating her sister quite the same way because the father favored the younger one, so the younger sister grew up w/ less love from her sister. so, please encourage him to stop the cycle; focus on the positives, his bros and sis and mother, and hopefully the father will see that he needs to mature and be good to his family before he dies. good luck.
2006-07-28 05:05:59 · answer #2 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You MAY be able to fix it by expressing to him as you did with us, that he may have regrets when it's too late. (I feel you've already done this) Then it's up to him to take the step. But YOU do not have the responsibility to make it right.
Sometimes parent/child relationship can never work out - and neither one has any regrets.
My father too, was one of the worse. I did not see him while he was ill nor did I attend his funeral. I have no regrets about it. I have never thought of him as a father figure, but more like a neighbor.
If, for example, my hubby had encouraged me to visit while he was still alive - I may have done it for my hubby's sake. I will feel the same about him alive, sick or dead.
Sometimes it's best to leave it alone or up to the person.
2006-07-28 05:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say this but to be brutally honest, there isn't anything you can do. He'll have to grieve his old man best he can. The best way you could help me if I was in his shoes (kinda was because I didn't get along well with my dad) is to never, ever belittle his expressed fears, regrets, or sorrows. NEVER say, "You shouldn't feel that way." I'd shut down right quick if you said that to me. I feel very, very badly for the family. That's tough and not what we'd like in a family.
2006-07-28 05:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand by him and support him through this difficult time he is having with his father 'cause I'd say at this point if he is that bitter than trying to get him to have a relationship once more with him is going to be hard. As time goes on maybe you can talk to him more about his dad and get him to realize that this man is apart of him and he'll never really know how much he truly loves him until its to late.
2006-07-28 09:39:22 · answer #5 · answered by RuneDragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him however you feel about the situation, and let him whatever he decides you always be there for him. we all have feelings about things that hurt us, and however we act upon on them is no reason to regret. he's will never apologize and he will always feel hurt. he just have to realize that now he has his own life and legacy to establish to worry about the past. the past is gone...what he does in the present and future that matters now. There's not much you can do then support him, do not get involve in the situation, just listen, and stay nutral (not judgemental for either side).
2006-07-28 05:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by Marlyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anyway to make them get along any better. Your bf has some deep seated issues w/ his father. All I suggest you to do is be there to support your bf. LIsten to his venting and be understanding.
2006-07-28 04:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by wannabebeachbum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah he a bastard allright
all you can do is try to have a better relationship with his parents and talk to your bf about them but be careful don't nag on him otherwise he will start hating you as well
2006-07-28 04:49:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for you to do is not get involved, what'll be will be.
Be there for him, thats about all you can do.
2006-07-28 04:48:21 · answer #9 · answered by India 55 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think it is none of your busness but if it gets out of hand i think you should talk to you boyfriend about it
2006-07-28 04:52:05 · answer #10 · answered by rihanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋