Girls I need some good, true advice for tiny problem?

Question

I know this sounds sad, pathetic, crazy, but I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He is perfect to me, I could not ask for more, honestly. He is also my first. Well until recently I haven't had interests in other men until now. This very nice guy comes into my work and we, no doubt about it, are attracted to each other. Now, I have so many emotions floating through me, like, am I missing out on other things, I feel trapped and cannot breathe. This other guy is wonderful, but I know it won't work in the long run. I don't want to ruin what I have with my current boyfriend. I know this sounds stupid, but I cannot stop thinking about this other guy. What in the world do I do? I am not the cheating type and never will be, but sometimes I think I push my current boyfriend to the point of him leaving because I feel suffocated. Any advice, not immature, will be highly appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

What you say is extremely normal. No matter how gorgeous, and "right for you" your partner is you'll always be attracted to other people because that is human nature. On the other hand you must evaluate the "real" side of your partner. Think about it this way - all that is said about love is a load of bull. Love is how much you want, sometimes even need, to sacrifice yourself for the other person. Do you feel this for your partner? if not then you must seriously consider changing your relationship with him - he might be a great friend. The other person you met - is he single? If he is not, ask him directly if he is looking for a fling - remember it is never worth living a lie because life is too short? If he is single and you think that you are bored stiff with your relationship then remember that life is to short to waste. (this advice might depend on how old you are as unluckily people believe that the older you get the steadier you should become and that is not true)

Hope this helps - but it is quite hard to answer with so little information.

Answer 2

We've all been there.

You need to tell him that you're starting to feel suffocated. Tell him that you're starting to feel like you're not your own person anymore and just half of a relationship (that sounds wierd but you probably know exactly what I'm talking about) If he is worth having he'll give you some more space.

You might want to suggest taking a break from eachother. That can be an excelent way to get a relationship back on track. If you decide to take a break, with the intent of getting, set ground rules. My suggestion on such rules are setting a time limit (2 or 3 months is good) and deciding what is acceptable (I would suggest that It's ok to go out on a date other people, but any sexual contact is out). You also need to limit how much you'll see eachother. A break has no effect if you are still hanging out as much as always (Maybe limit to seeing eachother once a week - possibly sunday afternoons - or to only talking on the phone twice a week). Also make sure that it is already decided that there will be no sexual contact between the two of you durring this time. The idea of a break is to be able to decide if you can stand to be without the person you're with. Set a date at the end of the time to get together (face to face) and discuss things, and decide where you want to take things from there. If you have things at his place or he has things at yours make sure they go back to the rightful owner at the begining of the break. I would warn that if either of you breaks the ground rules (such as having sex with someone else) during the break to fess up and completely call it quits at that point, because that shows a lot of lack of respect and lack of willpower, and neither has a place in a commited relationship. Also if after 2 weeks you decide you can't be without him, don't go running back right away - tough it out for the entire time that you two have decided on.

Answer 3

So ask yourself are you really in love with your boyfriend? Attraction is natural for as a fact we are all only animals. If you feel suffocated by your boyfriend who is to say he doesn't feel suffocated by you? Have you talked to him about it open and honestly. If he is the clingy type and you feel that way you will only end up resenting him, which sounds like it is already happening since you admit to pushing him away. If he is cool and mature he won't mind backing off and stop being so clingy. If not things are never going to change and it will end up ugly!!!! As for the other guy....everyone get a tickle in their belly when someone is attractive and also attracted to you! Sounds to me like you have this false sense of security that a boyfriend might bring. If you didn't have a boyfriend and this guy wanted to hook up, it sounds as if you would be planning on a future together. If you are your boyfriends first also, I think a break after three years is in order, my personal advice is you both need a few one night stands under your belt!! If you all decide to get back together later you will realize what you may or may not have ever missed!! Good luck and ALWAYS practice safe sex!

Answer 4

You need to take the time to look at the situation. If you don't see a long term with this other guy then its just your hormones and its just a fling type thing your looking for . I would not give him on the current boyfriend just yet if you love him things will work out .There is a saying you want what you can't have and right now this other guy is that thing.But what do you do if you do leave and go for the new one then you have him and may find out you don't want him no more then you are alone and sad. Think before you leap.Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I empathise with your position. I have been in a long term relationship for about the same period and often get tempted by my female friends into committing an act of indiscretion, thier was one girl in particular that I developed real feelings towards. It is completely natural to feel the way you do, after three years with someone we all get a little board. I suppose it's true to say that there are some feelings that can only be obtained when just starting out with someone, that nervous excitement, that feeling in the stomache that you just no longer get with your long-term partner. I can't tell you what to do because it is such a subjective choice, but in my case I realised that my affection for other women was a product of thinking the grass is greener on the other side, but in fact what I have with my current girlfreind surpases anything that I could ever experience with another partner.

I suppose it all comes down to whether or not you still love your current partner enough to want to stick around and make things work, keeping a relationship exciting and fresh requires constant effort and thought by both parties. If you feel suffocated find a way of living more indipendantly of one another, spend more time with friends, see eachother only when you really want to. One game I play with my girlfriend, and I know it's a little cliche is to meet up in a bar and pretend we dont know eachother, if you can stop laughing long enough to play the role it can be real fun.

Just be absolutely sure what you wan tot do before you make a choice, as you may never be able to take it back. It also depends on how old you are, older people who have had their fill of life are more capable of maintaining a devoted monogomous relationship, but if you are young, there is still much of life to experience and learn, it's hard to do this with just one partner. It's natural to want to sleep with other people, but is this just a phsychological desire or something that you genuinely want?

I wish you luck, and remember that you can achieve what ever outcome you want but still respect someones feelings, you should never cheat, if your feeling unhappy you should break up with him first.

Answer 6

Well, sweetie, that is a serious issue. You have to first decide what it is that makes you feel trapped in a relationship with a guy that you say is perfect for you. I think this is a matter of soul searching. A stranger's attraction is visual not emotional and mental or spiritual like you hopefully share with your current partner. Is the known connection with your current guy worth losing to MAYBE gain an unknown connection with another. If you heart can answer yes, notice I said heart not mind or body, then let him go. It sounds like to me that you just need a few female friends to go out with a little bit. It is natural to see things that you like, but still love what you have and keep it. Don't make a decision that you can't live with. If you push him away, you will always live with the dreaded "coulda, shoulda, woulda"

Answer 7

Break up with your boyfriend and date this other guy. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out with the new guy. You shouldn't jump into another relationship anyways. If you are having these feelings now, imagine another 3 years with your current boyfriend. You want to experience someone else and there is nothing wrong with that. Just be ready to go for a long time before meeting another guy that's good to you like your boyfriend, because those guys are rare. Break up with him and play the feild. Once you know what playing the field is like you won't be tempted to leave a good guy for a cute guy at work because you'll have experienced both sides. Make sense?

Answer 8

You might have like the 7 year itch type thing. Sit down and talk to your man who knows maybe he is feeling the same and dosen't know how to mention it. There comes a time when you have to shi&& or get off the pot they say and it sounds like your there. Question one are you really ready to loose what might be your true love? Question two if you feel so trapped then why not take a breather for a little while?

I say if you feel strongly then maybe you guys should seperate for just a while and see what happens. Don't push himaway cause he might be the one and you don't want to make him hate you, just sit and talk honestly with him and go from there.

Good Luck

Answer 9

I was in almost the exact same situation that you were, except I was the boyfriend. We were together a year so less time than you, and we were entering our junior year of college. We were each other's first real deep deep relationship, and sophmore year was a heck of a challenge. She did what you were doing, and always made excuses or put other people ahead of me.

Soon enough I got sick of it, and as much as I loved her I left her. Looking back I think it was a relief for both of us, as she wanted her freedom and I wanted someone who would commit to me. I really don't know what I'm trying to say, but if you are afraid of losing your current boyfriend than stop acting that way!! Eventually he will just say "enough is enough".

On the other hand though, if you ARE young now is the time to meet other people and do what you want without (serious) reprecussions. Tell him you are too young for such a long committment, and that you should both live life single for a little.

I'm assuming you are in the 23 year old range btw.

Answer 10

You first responsibility is to the relationship you have invested 3 years in. You have do whatever it takes to remove the temptation of the office guy. This may even involve changing jobs. It is a choice. Not an easy one, but still a choice. Trust me, the trust and faith your current boyfriend has in you cannot be replaced. The new guy will always know you left current BF for him, so the relationship starts out with a lack of trust. Don't go any further with the office guy. It has disaster written all over it.