How do I be a good mom when my mom was such a bad influence?

Question

My mother was a terrible influence when I was a child. She still is even. She doesn't put forth any effort in my life. Now I have a 3 month old daughter and I want to be a better mom then mine was. How do I do this?

Answer 1

take parenting classes and learn from her mistakes

Answer 2

Tell yourself everyday that you love your child and you want every day to be a happy one for her and you. There is no right way or wrong way of parenting. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. Do things together that you will both enjoy. Make it an enriching experience. But don't compare yourself to your mother too much. Look for other women who are experienced with children for examples. Each mother and her child are unique and not always going to be similar to each other. If you think a parenting class will help do that. But remember the harder one runs away from the ways of ones parent or parents the more we are likely to become them. However, I'm no authority on children rearing, so talk to a lot of people to get advise and do the best that you can.

Answer 3

Recognizing that you don't want to repeat your mother's issues indicates you want to be a better mother. Hopefully, you have a community that can be helpful in supporting your decision. Contact your local hospital - there are always 'new' parenting groups for new mothers and families (even groups that help smaller children accept the newborn into the family), your local parent agencies should have information, church ? other females who are moms that you might stay close to. Also, there are books and information on line to help you. Being a good mother means so many different things. How you rear your child will be a personal decision, but I would suggest COMMUNICATION. Let your child know you love her at all times, that you suuport her, comfort her. You have a precious gift in your hands given to you by God - he expects you to be accountable to reinforcing the goodness He already put into her and into you. The Bible has plenty of help. Whatever you do, teach your child to love and give. Even in giving her things, make sure you show her how to appreciate those gifts, not to be selfish - learn to share. Finally, hugs and kisses all the time!

Answer 4

You follow what you know is right. But don't let your mothers influence make you slack on discipline. A good parent is well rounded meaning gives enough love and just as much discipline and stability. The three major things a child needs in it's life. Remember what your mom does that you think is wrong and do it differently with your daughter.

Answer 5

I had the same concerns and my brother in law did too when they had their son. The thing is when you look at your baby and you know you love this person more than you ever thought possible and you know you would die before you let someone hurt her. That is how you know you will be a good mom. People don't always parent the way they were parented. That only happens when 1. They were parented wonderfully or 2) they can not see how horribly they were parented. If we are aware that our parents didn't do right then we are able to avoid doing the same things to our kids. As long as everything you do is done out of love for your child and with the best intentions for your child you will be fine. I am not saying you wont make mistakes , we all do , but at least you will be able to live with them knowing you made them with out of love and not out of selfishness or anger.

Answer 6

Do the opposite of what your mother did and you will be fine. It sounds like your heart is in the right place already since you are putting forth an effort to improve. You will be a great mom because you know first hand what an awful mother is like.

Answer 7

Just remind yourself that you get to raise her the way you want to! Believe me, it's possible!

My mother was also a bad influence and she made my life a living hell. I have a beautiful daughter and have never been like my mom. I love her and could never do anything bad to her!!!

I used to think that it wasn't possible, I used to ask myself "How can I be a good mother when all I know about mothers I learned from my own mom?!? You can't teach what you haven't learned first!" But it's different when you become a mom. As long as you know what NOT to do, you can raise your daughter the way you wanted to be raised!

Hope this makes sense!

Answer 8

Reading Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian really helped especially with patience (me I have a two year old and a 7 month old) also noticing that you dont want to be bad influence like your mother shows that you are already a good mom :)

Answer 9

You already know what made your mother a bad influence and what you would never want to happen to your child. So you really already know what to avoid, and what it is you really needed in your life.

Provide your child with all the love and situations that you know you needed, and keep her away from all of the one's you know are harmful.

Having first hand experience in knowing what it feels like to not have a mother you needed can give you enough knowledge to be a wonderful mother.

Answer 10

My mother's mother has post-partum depression (I have NO idea how to spell that!). She worked as a waitress and came home late at night - had several different boyfriends over all the time... Never cooked or cleaned... She was horrible to my mom and my two uncles. It's taken years to get my mom to talk about it. But she did. And it made me realize how lucky I am. My mother is the COMPLETE opposite of her mother. In every single aspect. She knew when she started having children that no matter what happened, she had to put us first. And my God, she has. I wish I could begin to tell you all the things she's done for my siblings and I. But I won't, I'll just reassurre you that as long as you realize how your mother's mistakes made you feel, you won't make them. Good luck with the little one.

Answer 11

I had a crappy mom too. I just pretty much did whatever was the opposite of what my mom did. It was hard, because it wasn't what I was used to (like showing affection). My kids are turning out better than I was at their ages. I'd also read some parenting books with the 'eat the fish and spit out the bones' approach. Take what you want to use, and ignore the rest. You already have your own parenting style, believe it or not, but you can always enhance your repertoire.