My daughter's ill and she's suppost to be going her dad's this weekend?

Question

I've text my ex husband to tell him he won't be seeing his daughter this weekend. and he keeps texting and phoning me because he claims i am "breaking the access rights set out by the solicitors" (I have a signed statement of arrangements for childreen but that is all). I know he is trying to scare me with his bull ****.

Am I right in stopping her from going to him, I thought it was in the childs best interest to stay home with the mother if the child is ill (afterall, I've always been the one who had to stay off from work in the past when she was ill!)

Also, last time she was at her dad's (2 weeks ago) she came back with heatstroke and sunburn!! Turned out he hadn't put a hat on her OR suncream!!! She is only 3!

I've already spoken to my solicitor about his access and she thinks i'm being more than reasonable.

He currently sees her 2 weekends out of 3 Friday 5pm till sunday 5pm.

I have also been advised by my solicitor that it is ME who decides when he sees her and he cannot demand it.

Go to Hell nickster51875, I've obviously hit a nerve on this with you but there's no need for an answer like that!!!!!!

I'm only asking for peoples opinions.
FYI, I arranged for my daughters dad to collect her at 9.30am this morning.

Answer 1

I know that you fear her going with her father when she isn't feeling well but just maybe it would be a good idea for him to take her for the weekend when she is sick , that will stop all of his bull when he has to spend the whole weekend sitting in the house with a sick child that he never bothered to take care of when she was sick before.. Know what i am saying.. I wouldn't have sent my kids like that either. it is hard enough for them to take the proper care of them anyway, and i know by what you said that you really don't trust his decisions very much ,after bringing her home with heatstroke last time he had her. but if she is crying the whole time he won't want to take her anymore if she is ill..
so do what your consciense will let you do..Send her meds and tell him how and when to give them to her.. and pray for the weekend to go very fast so she is back in your arms.. teach him a lesson..

Answer 2

Stop texting and pick up the phone. Explain that she is feeling poorly, that you are not trying to stop him seeing her, let him speak to her, and even possibly invite him round to visit her instead. Then he'll know that you just want to look after her, not punish him.

Cut him some slack too. When you were together, I bet it was you who put on the suncream and the hat, hes learning how to be a dad on his own, and its not easy. His bull**** is borne out of fear, you have the kids, and by default the power, as a man he is put in a powerless position, and, though he wont admit it, hes scared.

Theres clearly a breakdown in trust between you. Put aside any gripes you have with each other, stop acting as ex partners and start acting as co parents. Help him, send a hat with your daughter next time.

Point him at this question, it might help.

p.s, I've been on both sides of this situation. Its taken 8 years for me to learn the above. the quicker you learn the less harm will come to your daughter. Good luck to you all.

Answer 3

Yes he is talking absolute bull. If he was any sort of caring father he'd know a sick 3 y/o should stay at home. Make a note of all the times and conversations you have between you regarding the visits, include the condition she came back in last time and any other proofs of bad parenting. I don't condone arguments between separated parents over the children but I don't condone threats like his and nor would his solicitor. You are being the responsible one here and he needs to understand that. Offer him another time he can have her, if he argues about that I'd seriously rethink the overall visiting rights.

Answer 4

If she is not feeling good, keep her home. Obviously your ex is not understanding. Don't let him bully you around. Take a stand and tell him that in no way is your 3 year old child going ANYWHERE while she is sick.

I doubt if you child had heatstroke, because that would be fatal. IF she really DID have heatstroke, you should have called child protection right away.

You need to start documenting everything and getting some witnesses to how he is treating your child. Write everything down with dates, etc. Make some phone calls about your rights as a parent. Some men can be such jerks and your child needs to be protected.

Answer 5

Theoretically, her dad should be just as capable of taking care of her when she's sick as you can. That's how the courts will see it unless you have solid evidence of his neglect or abuse. Practically speaking, it doesn't always work this way.

Who has primary custody? Sounds like you do. If you legally have sole custody, then it's really your call. If you have joint legal custody, it behooves you (so much better for your little girl) to be cooperative with her father and stick to the formalized (court ordered?) visitation schedule.

How sick is she? If she's on chemotherapy, or something really serious, why are you two even farting around with an argument like this?? If it's something not so dire, like a cold, flu, stomach bug, etc., then she really is portable, sick or not. You have to make a judgement call, an objective one, as to whether or not her father has the instincts and resources to keep her comfortable and get her feeling better. They get so clingy when they're sick ... can he handle that? Will he laugh about getting barfed on, or get angry and blame her? Does he have the cash to cover meds and popsicles? Little things will have to figure into your decision, but be as objective as you can.

Cooperation in these situations can take you miles closer to your goals than animosity. It's the very least you can do for your child.

Answer 6

You can do two things. You can let her go the following weekend, or say to him that he can have her during the week?

or

Let her go, she will not feel well and will probably want to sleep, thus he will not be able to do much with her. I know it seems harsh on her but she must learn for herself what her father is all about. If he is going to let her down then she must know tht it is not something you have told her. She could reach 17 and all of a sudden he says your mother didnt let me see you etc etc she could believe this. It will be less heart ache for her.

Give him a list of things that he must do as she is sick. Keep a list for yourself and get him mto sign it. This will prove that he took her knowing she was ill and then if she comes back and she is worse you can take tht to your solicitor. Dont get caught up in a battle with him, he is trying to get to you, show him you are strong and his tantrums are not affecting you. When you are not showing emotion to him he will be wondering what is going on and then realise he is not winning in his manipulation.

Answer 7

He is her dad. He has to take care of her just as much as you do. Let him have the sleepless nights - you can sleep all weekend. Let him clean up all vomit and/or diarrhea. He wants to see his daughter. Let him. Just make sure he knows what medicine to give her at what times and tell him to have fun. When you daughter comes home ask her if he took good care of her. Ask what she and her dad did while she was with him. If he took her out and didn't get up with her. Then you need to let him know that you are contacting the solicitors and letting them know what happened and that he can and will lose his rights to his children for endangering their health while ill. But only do this if you get bad reports from your daughter. Otherwise. He needs to take care of her, while you rest up for the week ahead.

Answer 8

In this heat he should putting a hat on her all the time and suncream on her ever 2 hours. Because of lat time I would say NO as he is not being responsible. She is still in the recovery zone for the sunstroke as well. If he always her to get sunstroke again this time around it could be worse than it was lat time.

As a mother of aged 4 yrs and 20mths if I was in the same situation as you I would stick to my guns and not allow contact this week.

Answer 9

if you dont think your ex husband can care for your daughter properly you must go back to the sol and say so. It is not fair for you to change to goal posts behind the courts back. He may be texting you like this because he genuinly wants to see his daughter and he is perfectly entitled to assume that as a father he can care for his poorly child as effectively as you.

Obviously in reality this is sometimes not the case but you must do it all properly and evidence like your daughter coming home sunburnt is exactly what you need to go back to court. You MUST do it properly tho, or accept that actually there is not really the prob you are suggesting and it is more to do with you not wanting her to go.

It is a really hard situation you are in and i have answered you in quite a tough way but I hope you take my advice as the last thing your daughter needs is her mum and dad arguing over her.

Answer 10

Depends upon the real reasons for doing it.
It seems you do not trust him to look after her is she is unwell.
You may well be breaking access rights. You can always invite him to see the child without her leaving the house.
If he is prepared to go to the extremes of the legal route, you might have to take her to the doctors so that there is a record of her being unwell at that time.