Is it ok for a 20 year old female to still have a "baby sitter"?

Question

Hi my friend is 20 and when her parents go out they always arrenge for another member of her family to stay with her. She is never left alone in the house even for one night. Is this ok?

She is not ill or disabled. Her mother also calls her about every half hour when we are out to check she is ok. It drives us nuts!

Answer 1

No it's not. She is old enough to take care of herself and in this way she doesn't learn to take care of her own things and she doesn't learn to be responsible for herself and learn about what life is and has to offer.
I can understand that it drives her nuts because all this attention is suffocating and gives her a lot of stress. It seems that her parents are very over protective and this is not right. When children get older they need to have more responsibilities to grow up and prepare them to step into the world when they are ready for it. Every child needs his own time to develop itself into a responsible grown up but your friend doesn't get the chance to do that. Chances are that by the time she leaves the house she is so sick and tired of being so controlled all of the time that she doesn't know what to do with her life and she goes wild because she wants to catch up with all the things that she has missed out on.
It's strange that her parents don't seem to trust her enough to know that she is old enough to take care of herself. So many 18 years old are already taking care of themselves and are in college or having a job living on their own and doing very well in taking care of themselves.
I hope that there is a possibility of talking to her parents that this isn't right and that it's necessary for her to have more responsibilities and more freedom so she can develop herself and start a life of her own. Maybe you can both talk to her parents and try to think of solutions to solve this problem. Does your friend have a job where she makes enough to take care of herself and keeps enough to pay rent for a place of her own? I think it would be good for her to leave the nest from under the protective wings of her parents and start living her own life and make her own mistakes so she can learn from them. She is old enough. Maybe she can suggest it to her parents that she likes to move out and live her own life. Just let her be careful how she puts it to them so her parents will not see it as a personal attack on them and get the feeling that they are not respected or loved and appreciated. Try to bring it in a friendly way and see what happens before you both decide to take more drastic measures which will have both parties end up hurt. Things told in a friendly way most of the time get more things done the other way around. I think her parents love her very much and are afraid to let her go incase something bad might happen to her. Maybe they have experienced something in their past what has traumatised them in some way and what makes them react over protective now. I have no idea what makes them act the way they do but they need to be taught in a friendly way that the way they are treating their daughter isn't doing her good and she needs to learn to take care of herself and have more freedom and resposibilities.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

im 20 and im a married mother of 2 so somewhere along the line your friend will have to realise that she is an adult and should tell her parents to stop treating her as if she is 9 or something, my parent left me in house alone since the age of 11, and i would be horrified if they arranged a babysitter for me at 12 let alone 20, you should tell your friend she should stand up to her parents and tell them that she is an adult and old enough to be able to cope on her own.

Answer 4

No its not OK. Her parents are very overprotective and need to stop treating her like a child. Has something happened within the family to make them treat her in this way? Why do they want to hold onto the little girl? She is old enough to have little girls of her own! She needs to get them to back off or she will suffocate.

Answer 5

Sounds a little over possessive to me. Then again, perhaps your friend had a problem in the past that makes her family want to protect her. Perhaps something happened, or she is not to be trusted alone. I don't think you know the whole story and it's probably none of your business. She'll move out when she's tired of all of this.

Answer 6

Depends on her mental/physical condition or cultural background; in some cultures it would be totally unacceptable for a young woman to be left alone in a house. But if her family are just plain weird or have no shadows in broad daylight then you should help her plan an escape.

Answer 7

Is she is a danger to herself and others - ie will set fire to the house, has severe learning difficulties? Then it is advisable to have friend or family member with her when her parents go out.

Otherwise, NO - her parents need to get a grip and realise she is an ADULT who won't do anything silly. If your friend wants someone in the house overnight with her, then SHE will ask someone of her choosing.

Answer 8

No it's not ok, she's officially an adult and should ask to be treated like one.
Then again, it's her parent's house so they are entitled to have their own rules... But at 20, she ought to have a proper chat with them or start looking for her own place, I was in students accomodation at 18 and had my own flat when I started working at 21.

Answer 9

no it is not fine. bt by the way who is forcing u b with a baby sittr . u shud b talking about this with ur parents , tell them that how embarassing is that for u to have a baby sitter at 20, all friends are laughing on u and thinking that u r still immature girl. which not fare on there part ,thy shud understand ur felling .thts what i wanna 2 say

Answer 10

no she is 20

Answer 11

Maybe she told you this because she doesn't like to be alone in the house or she doesn't want anyone coming by to catch her while her parents are gone for whatever reason. I can see any of my six daughters coming up with this (all but one in thier 20's) if they lived with us. She's still at home, not at my house!!!!