My Mother-in-law is turning into a monster.......?

Question

I dont want to sound mean and I try hard not to be. but mum-in-law can't look afterself any more so she lives with my husbands brother and wife. His wife looks after her waits on her hand and foot. and she is just mean and spiteful back. She does have some dementure but we can tell the confustion caused by this from her nasty spells, She thretened to cut my sister-in-laws throat the othernight because she told her to walk around the other way because there was stuff on the floor in the way. She says horrid things and threatens us all with her walking stick. There is no reasoning with her. My sister-in-law is now conserened that she may actualy become physicaly abusive and how to handle it if she does. We all make all kinds of allowance for her. and no one wants to sound horrid and nasty but shes getting a bit much now.

They took her out of a care home to look after her themselves. I think there was possibly some guilt feelings there.

She see well recent had eyes tested and new glasses.

She does have rebite but this seems to add to her confusion spells.

Answer 1

Listen fairycakes, the best thing for you to do is not worry but gently get her to see some kind of specialist in this area, and if need be you might have to hospitalise her (if only temporarily).
But before you do make sure you all agree to this together.
Like i said before dont worry we're all here to do that for you, you just sort it out.

Answer 2

It might be worth considering all the options here. You need to get care for your mother in law which is best for her and the rest of the family. One thing springs to mind, can she see? You say she got abusive about walking round a different way bue to there being stuff in the way. Maybe she was abusive because she could not see it and wouldn't admit it? Try having her eyes tested, this could possibly help.

It was just a thought! Maybe she needs to go back into the home. I know this will cause some feelings of guilt but the people there are trained to deal with this and she can be visited regularly. I really would encourage you to consider this for the sfety and well being of ALL concerned. You need to point out to your sister in law that the current violent threats could possibly turn to reality.

This is tough on all of you especially your sister in law, be there to support each other through this.

Answer 3

I'm afraid things will get worse and she will become more agressive, dementia does this unfortunately, cruel as in the fact they do get their normal moments and fear sets in,they need backup and respite care, she should be assesed by the geriatric psych team.
Talk to the GP who will set this up, unfortunately, it is a tough job and caring for elderly relatives is thankless and puts strain on the family, you seem to be reaching the point now where input is needed for both her sake and yours.If she has dementia, she doesn't mean what she says, but trained specialist intervention will be needed, it's a tough time i know, have been through it myself and i nurse psycho geriatrics, a horrid term it doresn't mean they are psycho but need psychiatric assistance.
It is never ending 24/7 care, you cannot with the best will in the world cope on your own, neither can your sister in law, you can't guarantee safety in these cases, she may fall or wander off, you may feel guilty, but you shouldn't, there is help out there, carers associations etc. Good luck and hope this is helpful and not too frightening.

Answer 4

If she is that bad at this point, home care could harm not only those that are around her daily on a physical and psychological level, but also herself. At this point, it isn't a safe enviroment for anyone, and I would not reccomend leaving things as they are.

I would suggest looking for nursing homes or possibly even mental institutions if necessary. She needs to be in a place where she can get good, reliable health care supervision. Search around your area and make a few calls. See what's availible for her care. If you're unsure as to whether or not she should be hospitalized, ask the advice of a health care professional, or even have her see a doctor if you can manage it for an evaluation.

Letting go of a parent like this is not an easy thing, and it is not a fun thing. But try to remember that it's for her own good in this case, as things could be insufficient for her at home. Make sure to get all the information you can in order to make this entire process as smoothe as possible, and to make the very best decision.

Answer 5

Dementia is a form of mental illness and is very difficult to deal with. I feel sorry for your sister in law. It must be really hard to deal with her on a daily basis. The only advice I can give is to try and give your sister in law some space occasionally and take your mother in law away from her. She probably needs a break. If I were you I would just try and cope as best you can - remember that this woman belongs to your husband and his brother and is not the sole responsibility of you or your sister in law. They must take the lions share of work involved with the care of her. Good luck - my husband lived with his grandmother for 3 years with dementia when he was 15 and I don't think he ever got over it!!!!!!! He wouldn't even go to her funeral in the end. Very sad - but that's just where the relationship ended up.

Answer 6

Okay, this sounds bad. So you need to talk to your hubby and the brother of hubby! You need to explain your concern, and let him know that this is scaring you, and that you are afraid that she might get abusive.
You could just look on the NET for a good institute for her, so she might get some real help.
If there is no reasoning with this women, don't! Just stay out of her way, and be honest to your hubby and his brother, and don't talk to them alone, do it with the wife of your brother.
You need to sit them both down and tell the same thing that you put on this page. If she is not a danger to you, she might become a danger, and if not to you, she could become a danger to her self.
I really hope that you can work this out.
The best of luck!

Answer 7

Sit down with her and talk about lots of different things. Ask her about her past and let her tell you some history about herself. It's very good for old and lonely people to do some reminiscing. All the memories will come flooding back and she'll be in her happy place again. Also, give her alot of attention. Her husband is not there anymore and she feels alone and scared. She uses aggression and abuse to try and get rid of it. Try to take her with you when you go shopping or when you take a walk or whatever

Answer 8

It does sound like she is getting senility or dementia. You can have the sweetest person turn into this raving, well, monster. It's not intentional, believe me. I was a CNA in a nursing home and you can bet I've seen it all.

You, your husband and brother and sister-in-laws should get together and decide now what the best course of action should be for your mother-in-law. Talk to her doctors and tell them how she is at home. They might have a solution you have not thought of yet. I wish you well and the best of luck!!

Answer 9

It may be time to look into assisted living. There are different kinds of assisted living situations...one is nursing homes (where I work!). Regardless of rumors, good nursing homes are not bad places. The staff & residents become family. Also, they are trained in how to deal with people with dementia...if you decide this is the route you need to go, do not let her guilt you into changing your mind...you have to do what is best for her, which may be around the clock care, and best for all of you also! good luck!

Answer 10

I suggest you have a nice conservatory built. Everyones happy, your mum in law could be hit be some mechanical diggers and be pronouced dead at the scene, she can then go in the deep trench foundations (save some money on funeral costs) and then you get an additional room to your house which is going to be nice all year round and add value to your home.

Answer 11

Old people often think the world owes them. They might be right! I don't know. Perhaps they are afraid of dying, their lack of independence, their lack of future.
However, if you sister-in-law cna't cope, then they must speak to the doctor and see if she can be helped by professionals. By the way, if anyone threatened me with a walking stick, I'd take it away!