I've been going out my boyfriend for 4 months and we like each other a lot. However, sometimes he gets extremely emotional about his past and he tells me how much he loves his ex who died in a car crash. I try my best to console him and make him happy.
He now tells me it's hard for him to love another woman again.
Is he dating me just to get his ex off his mind?
What should I do? How should i handle this matter?
2006-07-27 22:12:58 · 7 answers · asked by layla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is still in the grieving stage.Given time he will move on with his life.You are his crutch right now.If you really want him you will have to wait till he is over his grieving.
2006-07-27 22:35:48 · answer #1 · answered by hungerforknowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, run. If his story is sincere, he's an emotional cripple who will never get over the ex. She's dead, so therefore, she's perfect. All of her flaws were erased when she died. If you don't have the constant comparisons, you'll have the crying jags and the distant stares and you know he's thinking about her instead of about you. Since you phrased the question that he says he "loves", present tense, his dead girlfriend, that means he's not over her, so he can't get into you. Tell him to call you in a few years when he's had more time to grieve. Or he could be like the guy who took my high school best friend's virginity. It was freshman year of college. His name was Mike. He snared her with the sob story, he'd constantly critique her and say "so and so was a model, she was so beautiful, she had long,blonde hair" and then hint that my friend would look better with long, blonde hair. Some other controlling things happened, and he fed her lines like he never thought he'd be happy again, he never thought he'd feel like that for another person again, etc, etc. Then he took her virginity and stayed around for another 2 months, then he decided that he was still in love with the dead girl and it wasn't fair to my friend to still date her b/c he felt like he was cheating. Fast forward 8 months and he's doing that same thing to her sorority sister. No matter which situation applies, run away, girlie, b/c you will not like the way this ends.
2006-07-28 05:22:28 · answer #2 · answered by mytreacheryiseternal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason he wont let her go and move on with his life is because she died unexpectedly and he didn’t really get to say goodbye the way he wanted to. He needs closure. This may sound dumb but it works. Tell him to write a letter to her that tells how he felt then and feels now about her and her death and then tell him to write how he wants to say goodbye to her. Goodbye is never forever he can still talk to her anytime he wants to, she will always be listening. Tell him when he's done to go to where she is lying in peace with God and read it to her. Leave the letter and anything else he brought for her there. I'm sure that she would want him to be happy I mean if they loved each other then of course she would. Tell him that you will go with him if he wants you to. Don't say anything if you don’t think you can handle it. Maybe it still is to soon for him so just give him space and he will come around It all depends on how strong your feelings are towards him. Are you sure that it is a rebound relationship or do you think you two have something that will go somewhere. After YOU have answered that question see how he feels. Sit him down and tell him you know that there will always be a place in his heart for his ex-girlfriend that nobody can replace but then ask him if there is ever going to be room in his heart for you. If he says he doesn't know then tell him that you two should take a break apart until he knows. Taking a break doesn't mean seeing other people it just means that you two wont see, call, or talk to each other for a few days or as long as both of you need. If he says yes then that’s great. If you can handle it tell him you will set aside every month to go visit her with him if he wants. This is going to sound dumb too but it also works. Tell him to introduce you to her if he feels up to that. Hope everything works out for you!! Always and Forever Baby Girl
2006-07-28 06:12:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooo..You sound like the rebound girl. You know, the one that a guy dates just to try to get his mind of an ex. I would leave this unstable guy and find a guy that will truly love YOU. A guy that is over his ex. Because your boyfriend may take a LONG time getting over this girl, if he ever does. He has already admitted having issues about opening up. You have to ask yourself if its going to be worth all of the heartache.
2006-07-28 05:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by mlove1307 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run for the hills! Find someone without baggage and let this guy move on.
2006-07-28 05:17:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mountaineer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to grow up or else he would start comparing her with u, as we like the past and live in future.
2006-07-28 05:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by Kumar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go and die by car crash
2006-07-28 05:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋